


Boarding School Ninja

by oppopopo



Category: Naruto, 寄宿学校のジュリエット | Kishuku Gakkou no Juliet | Boarding School Juliet (Anime), 寄宿学校のジュリエット| Kishuku Gakkou no Juliet | Boarding School Juliet (Manga)
Genre: Boarding School, Dimension Travel, High School, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 62,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27877781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oppopopo/pseuds/oppopopo
Summary: Hell on earth. The comeuppance of fun. That is what the academy was. But a boarding school? Heck, maybe he should just ask the Kyuubi to eat him. Definitely less painful than school 24/7. But white cats? Black dogs? Inter dorm rivalry? Sounds like prime time prank time. Heh, he might just make it out of this alive. And with some ramen to boot!
Comments: 6
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1- Love at First Slurp

**Chapter 1 - Love at first slurp**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Boarding School Juliet**

* * *

"Dahlia academy, a boarding school for the best and the brightest. A prestigious academy built on Dahlia island, and with inroads to the town of Dahlia. Sure the naming might lack in variety, but it sure makes remembering stuff easy."

Said a bespectacled boy, with blond hair. He wore a white west emblazoned with a crest near the left breast.

"Don't expect that on a test though," he said with a laugh, looking back at his fellow blond who was following him. Who was staring at his surroundings with dead eyes.

With a backpack and a luggage trolley, the dead eyed blond took leaden steps forward, with every inch covered being akin to the walk to the galley.

"O-Oi, glasses. Just take me to my room." he said to the bespectacled boy. "I-I can't breathe man." He saw a pair of students studying in the courtyard. He shivered in terror. "I think I'm gonna puke," he said covering his mouth.

"Uh, it's Scott, not glasses." Said the walking glasses, frowning. "I'm taking time out of my day to show you around you know." The glasses looked into the distance, "Lord knows Lady Persia must be looking for me right now." Scott rounded up on the other blond, his eyes lingering for a second on the whiskers. "And let's make one thing very clear, Lady Persia is the leader and the jewel of the White Cats. Disrespect her and the whole dorm will kick you out, lickety split."

Unbeknownst to them, a boy with wild black hair, wearing a black vest had paused in his stride as he heard the two of them talk. His ears picking up the name of the opposing dorm's leader, and secretly his crush, he stopped by to listen in.

"Lickety what? Eww, man I don't wanna lick her." The whiskered blond made a face. "What is that a custom around here or something? Licking your leader's face?" He scratched his cheek, failing to notice the scandalized expression on Scott's face. "Uhh, I don't want to be culturally insensitive, so if we could get some ramen and splash it on her face, then I can lick it off? How does that sound?"

"W-What the hell are you saying! You'd dare defile the sanctity of our leader's cheek! Y-You brute! You ruffian! You brother-in-arms!" Scott grabbed him and gave him a fierce one armed hug. "I know exactly how you feel!"

The whiskered blond gained some cheer in his face. "Yeah! Ramen rules!" he pumped a fist in the air.

"And Lady Persia!" Scott cried.

"But only with ramen!"

"Yeah, we're gonna lick it all off!" Scott roared.

"Ehh, if we have to!"

"Every nook and cranny baby!" Scott beat his chest and let out his innermost desires.

And the universe responded in kind.

"Y-You bastards." An angry growl sounded off behind them.

Scott turned back with a, "pardon?"

A solid punch landed square in the perverted boy's face, sending him sailing across the courtyard and landing in the fountain.

"Oi, glasses!" The whiskered blond blinked in shock, before he ducked under a punch. "You never told me you could fly!" He jumped over a sweeping kick. "Are you a ninja too?" The gust from a missed haymaker brushed his locks.

Catching the next punch, the blond said, "hey are we doing ballet?" He cocked his head. "May I have the honor of knowing milady's name? …did I get that right?"

"What?" The black haired assaulter scowled at him. "Let go damn it!" He pulled back hard, freeing his fist. Jumping back a few steps he glared at the blond. "You got some nerve starting crap with the black dogs' leader."

The blond scratched his head with an embarrassed grin. "Hehe, sorry. I'm just following the flow, ain't no stops on my life's speeder."

The black dog got in his face. "Stop now, look around. The black dogs will bite you. Look out, we'll cut you to the bone, just to spite you."

A crowd of black vested students began gathering behind the black dogs' leader.

The blond started bopping his head and cutting the air with his hands. "We cool, you fool. No need no show of hands. Claws and applause, white cats are the one, and you the numbah two."

The white vested white cats assembled at large and began chanting their dorm name. "White cats! White cats!"

A black dog threw their leader a cap, which he caught and wore backwards as he continued to rap. "Romio Inuzuka, remember the name. The top dog, top class, the best in the game. Cross me boy, and you'll never be the same."

The black dogs howled and stomped their feet. "Black dogs! Black dogs!"

The blond grinned. "Lady Persia, is the one for the books. Not like you puppy, she a tiger with the looks. Compared to her, you'd just end up lame, and you only have yourself to blame!"

"Lady Persia!" Chanted the white cats, and the fountain with floating glasses.

Romio Inuzuka, bit his lips. "Damn…", he cursed, spotting the white cats' leader, Juliet Persia, standing with her dorm-mates and smiling and nodding to the tune of their chorus. The sun rays sparkled around her as she laughed. "Damn, she's cute." Romio muttered to himself and blushed, whipping his head away from her and staring at the floor.

"Y-Yah, so… S-Smash y-yo," Romio stuttered, peeked a glance at Persia, blushed and stuttered again. "Crap I can't do this, she watching me so intently!" Covering his face, he squealed to himself under his breath.

"Tch," a short haired black dog snatched Romio's cap and put it on himself. "Yah so get this straight, dirty white cats. No matter the game we'll beat you black and blue. So unless you're dumb, put your fists up, get a damn clue!"

"Yeah, you tell them Maru!" yelled the black dogs. And then they charged ahead, yelling bloody murder.

Persia whipped her sword out and pointed it at the pack of dogs dashing towards them. "White cats, stand your guard! And bring glory to our dorm!" And the white cats marched forward, making haste to meet the enemy head on.

The whiskered blond, smack dab in the middle, looked from left to right. "Wait what-"

"Hah!" Maru sucker punched him, "heh! First blood." He smirked to himself before ducking away from the action.

His balance unbalanced due to the weight on his back, the whiskered blond careened from the courtyard and into the mess hall of the black dogs. Tripping over his feet, he stumbled over the table and knocked it upside down, falling to the floor.

A bowl full of hot broth and noodles splattered on his head. He pursed his lips and let out a small yelp. But as the broth dripped down his face, and the fragrance of the noodles swept his senses, he found his tongue reaching for the stray noodle which had found its way to his lips. He slurped up the noodle.

And his mouth exploded with flavor.

"Are you okay?!" A girl kneeled before him and started cleaning his head. "Don't just lie there, you face will burn up!" She wiped his head with a handkerchief.

"Did you make that bowl?" The blond whispered, bunching up his knees and sitting up. The girl's frowning face met his eyes.

"Yeah, that was Hasuki's lunch. Why, did you like ruining it?" She glared at him, eyeing his white vest.

The blond grinned. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, I'm new around here. And I know we just met and this may sound crazy." He took the girl's hand and placed a kiss on it. "But marry me maybe?"

The girl went from outrage, to embarrassment, to outraged embarrassment. "W-W-What!" She slammed the bowl on his head and whipped her head away with flaming cheeks. "What are you saying you filthy cat!"

"Uhhh, did I get that wrong?" Naruto's head spun from the ceramic that cracked his skull, "you spin me right round baby, right round. Like a record baby, right round, round round." He giggled with dazed eyes before he clocked out of consciousness.

"Aah! No, don't die! Hasuki can't become a murderer!" Hasuki began trying to revive him by grabbing his throat and shaking him vigorously.

"Hasuki! Are you okay! I heard you screaming!" Romio came running into the mess hall and came upon the crime scene. "Holy shit, Hasuki…" With a grave face, he knelt down beside the girl and put a hand on her shoulder. He gave her a grim smile. "Don't worry, we can hide the body."

Hasuki smacked him behind the head. "Hasuki didn't murder him! She can still feel the pulse in his throat!"

Romio nodded in understanding, "ah, so we're finishing the job-"

"Stop messing around and help me take him to the infirmary!" said Hasuki.

"Alright, alright, geez." Romio hefted the unconscious blond onto his shoulder. Headed towards the infirmary, he grinned like a maniac, "say this means the white cats owe us right?"

"…"

"Hey, you alright?" He glanced at her, "you got a fever or something? Your face is all red."

She pouted at him. "Just walk, Inuzuka-kun."

Romio shrugged and left the matter.

Hasuki glared at the dangling blond.

And Naruto sleep sang-

"Right round baby, right round."


	2. The Prologue - How I Met Your Mother

**The Prologue - How I met Your Mother**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Boarding School Juliet**

* * *

_In the Elemental Nations, a few months before Uzumaki Naruto ever set foot in Dahlia Academy_

The Fourth Shinobi War had just ended, Kaguya was sealed, people were still nutrients, and Naruto and Sasuke were two angry boys sitting at a ramen stand.

"I will be the god of the new world!" Sasuke laughed menacingly as he declared his vile, evil, repugnant, malicious machinations. He held his belly and laughed like no tomorrow, hoping to intimidate all and sundry.

"No!" said Naruto, slurping a bowl of ramen. "Not now!" He drank some broth and picked up his next bowl. "After I'm done eating!" He attacked the next bowl with the fervor of a man robbed of his favorite meal for months on end. "Another one, Kakashi-sensei!" he said in between inhaling his noodles.

"Yes, yes," Kakashi mumbled as he worked in the kitchen. Flipping and flavoring the dish with expert precision. "You want some, Sasuke?" He asked poking his head out to ask him.

Sasuke had piped down, realizing that no-one had paid his insanity its due consideration. He nodded his head with an imperious, "hn."

Sakura sat beside the boys, slouched in her seat. "Are we really doing this?" She asked the rest of them. "Are we really relaxing, while the whole world is still trapped by that demonic tree?" She gave them all a bewildered look, "I'm actually surprised we aren't fighting each other again. Especially when this guy," she glared at Sasuke, "has the tailed beasts at his mercy."

Sasuke merely smirked, staring in satisfaction at his nine Chibaku Tensei satellites floating in the air.

As recapped by the medic-nin, the four of them were currently chilling in Ichiraku's stand, in Konoha.

Kakashi emerged from the kitchen area, balancing ten bowls and wearing a apron which said, 'icha icha food wars.' He placed the stack on the table beside Naruto, and put an apple before Sasuke.

Sasuke glared, "hn?"

The copy-nin shrugged, "better to have you on an empty stomach in case you go Sasuke on us." He then hunted for a book in his vest and sat down for a read.

The Uchiha scoffed, "I don't need a full stomach to beat this loser." He still picked the apple, and _ate_ it like a mastermind. Making the simple act of eating seem like a diabolical scheme in its infancy.

Naruto growled, "Oi, I said." He slammed the table twice. "After I'm done eating! I'll fist your face as much as you want later." He resumed consuming his noodle shaped oxygen.

Kakashi let out a naughty giggle, and turned a page. "Now, now boys. Don't make Sakura jealous."

Pausing, Naruto glanced at his teammate who was glaring at their pervert of a sensei. "Don't worry, Sakura-chan. We can fist him togeth-"

"Finish that sentence and you're dead," said Sakura, giving him a sweet smile.

"Eep!" Naruto eeped, and shrunk away from her. He slowly resumed eating, cautiously, in case he set off a Sakurampage.

Sasuke just sighed dramatically, everyone wanted a piece of him, as always.

Chuckling at his students' and potential landmine's antics, Kakashi snapped close his book and leaned back. "So, let's make it clear where we stand, shall we?"

He pointed a finger at Naruto and Sakura. "Team 7, wants to free everyone from being consumed and let things return to normal."

He then pointed at Sasuke. "While you, want to kill the Kages and seize control for yourself. While keeping the tailed beasts trapped forever."

Kakashi's eyes crinkled up in a smile. He pointed to himself, "while poor me here just wants his cute little students to get along for once."

Slamming down his final bowl of ramen, Naruto burped in satisfaction, patting his slightly bloated stomach. "Ahh, that hit the spot." He picked up a toothpick from the counter and started scavenger hunting in his teeth. "And don't forget my partner!" He glared at the Uchiha. "He's still trapped!" Naruto's eyes flashed red for a second and he winced. "I meant your other half, geez. How can you be jealous of yourself?" he muttered under his breath, as he rolled his eyes. "You're the only one for me, alright? Happy, Kurama junior?"

Kakashi nodded, paying his student's antics no mind, and arched his fingers before him. "So, we're at an impasse."

The four of them stared silently at each other. The sun rays shone brightly through the rooftops of the reconstructed Konoha. Wind blew freely through the streets devoid of any civilian or ninja.

The animal life seemed unaffected however, as birds chirped and perched on the treetops and electric power lines. Inuzuka pups roamed the streets looking for their masters, wondering where they'd gone.

And in the center of the marketplace, was present a giant tree root thrust out of the ground. It's tendrils were spread out through the streets and houses, absorbing nutrients from the people trapped in the pods which sprouted out of them.

The Uchiha's robes shifted as he grasped his sword. He whispered darkly, "You seem to be mistaken-"

"Don't, bastard." Naruto said, with gritted teeth, forcing a smile on his face. He flicked the toothpick away, and gripped his fists. "I'm so close. So close to snapping after the bullshit you said." He chuckled, "Kill the old, purify the world? What are you five? You got more kills than me, and you're gonna bring peace?" The blond ninja, turned and looked at Sasuke with eyes burning with determination, "we're gonna find a solution. Not make more problems."

He leaned forward towards the Uchiha, "are we together?"

"Naruto…," said Sakura, her eyes filled with concern. She put a hand on his shoulder in support.

Sasuke glared at the two of them, before he clicked his tongue. He unbuckled his scabbard and threw it away into the air, where it crashed through a window and landed in someone's house.

He put his hand on the blond's chest and shoved him back, "don't take this as a surrender." He folded his hands. "I'm listening, but the second you fail to convince me…" He faced them fully, and the Sharingan was spinning.

Naruto waved him off and adjusted himself in his seat, "yeah, yeah, you'll get your pounding." He met Kakashi's gaze, "so, let's start?"

Nodding, Kakashi got up and retreated to the back of the kitchen, and he rolled out along with him a whiteboard on wheels into the street. He then whipped out a scroll and channeled chakra into it and threw it on the counter. And out popped a box with colored markers and sticky notes.

Sasuke grimaced, "this reeks of bureaucracy and pencil-heads," he muttered. Though he did pick up his own red marker and stack of sticky notes.

"Hey, don't diss my future job." said Naruto, picking up his orange marker and stack. He began scribbling.

Sakura had already filled a few stickies with her marker.

Kakashi cleared his throat. "So, as the only humans walking the earth right now. Let's begin the meeting to discuss-"

He turned around and wrote on the board in big letters.

**'The fate of the world. And how we can stop a disaster like this from happening again…'**

Kakashi put three trailing dots at the end to stimulate the discussion.

**'?!'**

He then added a question mark and an exclamation mark to portray the urgency of the matter.

"So, who'd like to begin?" he asked them.

Sakura immediately stood up and posted her note.

**'1. We free everyone, we don't fight. And live happily ever after.'**

"Denied," Sasuke snorted, and folded his knees over each other. "The only ever after will be a few years if the Kage have their way." He waved her away, "next."

Sakura frowned. "You won't budge?"

Sasuke gazed at her for a second before he slowly shook his head. "No more martyrs," he said his piece and waved her away again.

The blond of the team grimaced. "Let's… move on Sakura," he said with a dejected face.

Sakura sighed and stuck another note on the board.

**'2. We let everyone but the Kage out. And debate what to do later.'**

Kakashi hmm'd. "They'll hunt us you know. To free the Kage." He eye-smiled, "either that or they'd want the Kages out of the picture, and since only these two can do it…, yeah."

The masked ninja shook his head, "besides, we don't know if we can even selectively free people. Better not experiment."

Sakura sighed and posted her next note.

**"3. Free people one by one in groups, make them understand the importance of peace."**

She then crossed it out with her marker. "That's all I could immediately think of," she turned to her teammates. "You guys go now."

Sasuke, flicked his hand and a note stuck itself on the board.

**"4. Kill the Kage. Kill the beasts."**

"No." said Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi in a chorus, giving him disappointed looks.

"They're the reason for all this happening!" Sasuke spat. "You think Obito would've gone off the deep end if the Kage didn't want their wars?" he ground his teeth.

Kakashi's eyes narrowed a tilt. "You know my sensei was a Kage. He'd never want something like that."

"And it'd happen anyway! Look at the idiot!" Sasuke pointed at Naruto. "If the idiot wasn't an idiot, he could've be a psychopath like the Kazekage!"

Naruto interrupted him with a frown, "yeah, sure, I'm still kinda pissed. But what choice did he have?"

"He didn't have a choice because a tailed beast doesn't _give_ you a choice. Obito didn't give him a choice. And the Kage didn't give _Obito_ or the _tailed beasts_ a choice. Just war, business as usual." Sasuke glared at Naruto. "You become the Hokage, and you'll have to make that choice too someday." He got in his face, "because someday _your Obito will come too._ "

Naruto blinked, as if shaken.

Sasuke stood up and walked away a few paces, and leaned back against an electric pole. He smirked in satisfaction at how the blond was shivering. Soon he'd realize that his was the righ-

"A-Asshole, you just spit on me!" Naruto groaned as he rubbed his sleeves against his face.

Sasuke's smirk was lost to the ether. He looked up to the heavens in exasperation.

Naruto quickly swiped some napkins off the counter and began wiping himself. "And anyway, there is one very important reason why you shouldn't even be thinking about this," he said.

"Hn? And what's that?" said Sasuke, with a raised brow.

Naruto smiled at the Uchiha, "Itachi wouldn't want this."

The Uchiha scowled, "well, he's dead. And we don't always get what we wan-"

"He loves you, you know," Naruto continued with a wistful smile.

Sasuke's mouth shut close with a click. If the Sharingan had lasers, Naruto would've been a happy cat by now.

"He even shoved a crow down my throat for your sake." Naruto chucked, and looked at Sasuke with wooden eyes. "Sometimes I wonder if the crow laid eggs when it was in me," Naruto rubbed his stomach as he chuckled. "Will I hear cheep-cheeps some day? Will they come bursting out of my stomach? Kurama said they would."

The rest of the team gave him weird looks. Sakura patted the blond's shoulder. "There, there. You'll be a great parent," she said, her brow twitching.

A light bulb exploded in Naruto's head. "Wait…," he began. "I-If, they _do_ hatch." He suddenly grabbed Sakura and shook her, his face stricken. "Who would be the parents?!" His face had gone pale. "I-Is it me and Itachi? M-Me and the crow? Or Itachi and the crow, and I'm just the homewrecker?!"

"…"

Nobody knew what to say after that.

Sakura awkwardly patted her friend.

Sasuke wondered why his brother shoved a crow down Naruto's throat. And if he'd be the uncle to the hatched chicks.

Kakashi smiled nostalgically. The boy reminded him his more and more of his mother by the day.

Deciding that they'd have to wait for Naruto to come to his senses, Kakashi called for a break.

* * *

_Across the dimensions_

A sage wondered why his children hadn't been freed yet.

He cast his eyes upon the Impure World.

And came across a round table conference between the world's saviors.

Were these two really the incarnations of his sons? They weren't squabbling again as he'd expected.

He took hold of his floating staff and decided to pay them a visit.

A portal opened before him, and he stepped through it, with an intrigued smile.

* * *

_Back to the heroes_

' **25\. Kill the Kage… with kindness!** '

Sasuke imperiously stuck his note to the board. "We poison their first meal, and as they relish in its taste… mwhahaha!" He cackled. "Death will be their sweet release!"

"Bastard, no. We're not doing that," Naruto groaned. "Would you write something other than killing the Kage?"

The wind began to swirl as the Sage of the Six Paths descended from his portal.

The four ninjas' heads snapped up at the new presence, but then relaxed when the recognized the Sage.

Touching down on the ground, the Rikudo Sennin, said, stroking his chin hair, "well met, sealers of Otsutsuki Kaguya." He gave them a small nod, "deliberating the fate of the world, are you?"

"For the time," said Sasuke, he eyed a stool before grabbing it and hurling it at the Sage. It landed perfectly right before his feet.

The Sage laughed, "polite aren't we," he said as he took a seat and rest his staff on his lap. He accepted the cup of tea Sakura passed him with a smile, and helped himself to some potato chips when Naruto offered them in a bag.

Kakashi blinked at how surreal it was, the Rikudo Sennin looked like he might as well be at the movies.

"Now, then," the Sage began, casting his eyes on Sasuke, "Uchiha Sasuke, eager for change are you? Think wiping the slate does anything but grate the whole board?" He asked with a raised brow, sipping the tea. "Heed my words if you will, but you shall only be making a mistake by following that path."

Scowling, Sasuke said, "it's not a mistake. I won't let this happen again."

"Yes, you won't." The Sage conceded with a nod. "But it will happen nevertheless. You are not the first to think cutting at the root will stop the disease, when it has already spread to every corner of the spirit."

The Uchiha's gaze hardened as he clenched his wrists.

The Sage shook his head, "whether you listen is your own volition. But remember, the future is cast by everyone's actions, and not solely yours."

Sasuke's mouth trembled as he looked away. He growled, as he gripped and released his fists. "God… dammit!" He punched the opposing wall, splintering it, and breaking open his skin. He whirled around with infuriated eyes, "so what?! There is no end to this?! We'll keep butchering ourselves until nothing is left!"

Hagoromo closed his eyes and stayed silent. Sasuke cursed and covered his face, his palms digging into his forehead, "god damnit" he whispered in frustration, a hoarse murmur. Sakura took slow measured steps towards him, and gently took his hands into her own. Green chakra began healing him.

Uneasy with the dejection in the Uchiha's voice, Naruto spoke up "hey, we can make peace right? We _all saved_ each other. That's gotta count for something right?" He tried to smile. "I saved your bacon and you saved mine, everyone's gonna be thinking that right?"

Kakashi, looked at the Sage for an answer, and then spoke up himself when an answer didn't seem to be coming. "Naruto, today's allies are tomorrow's enemies."

The blond shook his head furiously, "no, let's do away with allies and enemies. We're all just human right?" He slapped his knees, "we're all one team. We proved it in this war didn't we?"

"Why should anyone listen to you?" said Kakashi, with a shrug. "And what would you do about the economic and administrative aspects? Who gets the money, for what, and are governed by whom? If we are all one team."

"We'll pay everyone!" said Naruto, leaning forward. "That should make everyone happy right? They'd have food, water, shelter-"

"Well, Obito certainly had food, water and shelter. He didn't hesitate to turn the world upside down." Kakashi folded his arms, "what you're saying can be part of the solution, but I don't think it'd work out on it's own."

Kakashi shook his head, "even if we had everything in the world, it's no use if we don't understand each other. Would things have escalated so badly if Obito had just _talked_ to me or Minato-sensei?"

"Talking won't to _shit_." spat Sasuke, glaring at the floor.

Naruto stood up and paced the street, "I talked to Nagato, that worked right? I listened to him, and he listened to me. We _got_ each other. Else he wouldn't have revived the ones he killed."

"Ooh, you talked now?" Sasuke sneered, "gosh, if only we all had a dead sensei to cry over-"

The Uchiha's neck snapped back as a fist slammed into his face, knocking him off his feet. He laughed on the ground as he rubbed his bruised chin, "you gonna cry?" he said with a taunting grin.

Naruto's fangs were on full display as he glared balefully at the smirking Uchiha, his trembling fist still in the air.

Jumping to his feet, Sasuke dusted his clothes and said, "oh, and for the record, he started it." The Uchiha held his left hand and lightning sparked into being, snapping at the air with the sound of a thousand birds.

Before he rushed off to spear anyone, a pin pricked the base of his neck from behind, and he instantly dropped to the floor, the thousand birds flew away to chirp another day. Sasuke snored lightly, as his chest rose and fell in a gentle rhythm.

A cross eyed Sakura prodded him with her foot, a senbon held in her hand. She discarded it and lifted the sleeping beauty over her shoulder. "I'll put this idiot in a bed somewhere," she grumbled as she took him away. "Naruto, don't take him seriously. I'll make him apologize," Sakura punched a hole into the wall as she rounded the corner. "One way or another," she said as she disappeared from sight.

The clearing remained quiet as Naruto dragged himself back to his seat and stared down with a sullen frown. The seconds ticked by as the ninja and Sage sat in silence. After a few more moments the Sage's face pinched in concentration, and he levitated slightly above his seat.

Sakura returned, one Uchiha short, "he won't be bothering us for today," she said as walked back to the group. "He'll get up if we really need him," she said, taking her place beside Naruto.

"Uh, what's he doing?" said Sakura, staring at the Sage.

Kakashi shrugged.

"I am ready to give you my answer," the Sage declared, eyes still shut in concentration.

The three ninja exchanged a glance, and Kakashi began, "you mean, you can see a way to prevent this?"

Hagoromo opened his eyes with a satisfied smile and stood up, raising his staff once and banging it on the ground. "Yes, this shall do," he said, eyeing the base of his staff.

He met eyes with Kakashi. "There is no answer," said the Sage with an air of finality.

The group's demeanor immediately soured.

"What?!" Naruto yelled. "Don't be shitting me old man!" he growled. "All you did was sit there and now you say you can't think of anything, you goat faced geezer!"

The Sage chucked, "it's been a while since I've been called that." Before Naruto exploded again, the Sage pointed his hand to the blond and joined his thumb and index finger. Naruto's mouth snapped shut.

"Now, let me finish before we colorfully compliment each other," he continued, as Naruto frantically tried to pry his mouth open. "Agreed?" he prompted the blond, to which he nodded as passionately as the world's best yes-man.

The Sage released his fingers, and continued.

"I no longer believe the answer lies within this world."

He said, and let that message hang in the air for a few seconds.

When the others understood his meaning and were promptly confused, he said, "the only way I see is to go back to our roots. But going there will require lessons this world won't provide."

"What exactly do you mean?" said Kakashi, frowning under his mask.

"Ninshuu. That which connected us, before ninjutsu tore us apart," the Sage grimaced. "My greatest failing."

Naruto looked confused, "hey you can still teach it right?"

The Sage banged his staff against the ground. "I failed as a teacher, what I could not teach my sons why should I succeed with you?"

The Sage banged his staff against the ground. The wind began to pick up. "My hopes for them dashed, when they continued their feud unto perpetuity. Uzumaki Naruto, your very existence is Asura's failure to stop Indra."

"H-Hey, what are you doing?" said Naruto, as the three ninja braced themselves against the strong gust of wind billowing from the Sage.

The Sage banged his staff against the ground. Space began to fold in on itself, it's epicenter above the staff. The Rinnegan rippled, "There should have been no feud." Bang. "There should have been no war." Bang. The seams of reality cracked like a broken mirror.

Bang.

"And there definitely should have been no Otsusuki preaching about understanding, when he failed to understand his own son."

"Oi, have you lost it?!" Naruto yelled above the torrent of debris being hurled by the gusts.

"You three shall learn of ninshuu, and you shall teach _me,_ " The Sage's eyes glowed, as his raised palm hoisted the three ninja into the air. "Go, to the infinite cosmos, to the places I deemed most suitable to each of you. Learn what it means to understand. Truly understand."

Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi struggled against invisible bonds as they helplessly flailed their limbs in the air.

"What do you mean learn?! Learn what!" Kakashi yelled.

"That, is for you to discover," said the Sage with a solemn frown, and then thrust his hand, blowing away the three ninja into the cracked space.

They screamed and yelled as they disappeared through the gaps.

"I shall hold fort, in your absence. Time shall not pass, until your return," he said, trusting his voice to reach them.

Sasuke came running out of a corner, his eyes wild and a chidori in his palm, running towards the Otsusuki in full tilt.

The Sage smirked.

"And then there was one."

* * *

_With Naruto_

The blond woke up in an alleyway, sprawled on the ground in an awkward fashion.

He rolled onto his back with a groan and rubbed his face. "Stupid Sage and his drama," he muttered to himself.

Sighing, he jumped to his feet, and immediately regretted it as he pulled a muscle in his leg. "Ah!" he yelped.

Shaking his leg and hopping on one foot, he left the alley. The sun shone bright on his face, as he looked around him.

People milling about the street shot him looks as they went about their day.

"Where the hell am I?" he muttered to himself as he set his foot down and walked further into the city.

His eyes grew wider and wider with the more things he saw. Tall, monstrous buildings, with elaborate designs. Metallic boxes on wheels. Oh, there was a TV, that was some familiar ground at least.

Naruto stopped before the TV playing behind the window of some kind of store. Others like him, who lounged before the telly, laughed to something particularly funny happening on screen.

"What the hell? What's so funny?" Naruto scratched his cheek, not understanding a word that was said.

The other TV watchers froze and turned their gazes to him. One of them snapped at the ninja, uttering something rapidly.

Naruto stepped back with an unsure grin. "Hey, take it easy guys, what do I know about comedy, ha ha?" He held his palms up in an appeasing manner.

Their gazes sharpened further and there was yelling now. Some of them had hurried away, and one was calling over a man in blue.

"What's happening?" asked Naruto, giving them a confused grin.

The blond haired man standing right in-front-of Naruto barked a question.

"Touwa?"

Naruto blinked. "What?"

The whole group scowled. The blond man spat, "Touwa." He then cocked his fist and let loose.

"Whoa! Watch it asshole," Naruto dodged and jumped back to the black pavement.

A loud horn blared from behind him, and he looked back to see a metal box on wheel hurtling towards him, the person inside it screaming at him.

"Shit!" the ninja jumped over the box and landed a few ways away from the store with the television.

"Touwa!" the blond from before yelled, pointing at him.

Naruto shook his fist at him. "Yeah! Touwa to you too, bastard."

There was a glass pane behind the blond. It exploded into a million pieces.

Naruto blinked rapidly, before he quickly ducked behind a pillar. The sounds of a sharp bang together with something metallic striking the pillar rang out to him. He peeked out to see a man in blue yelling at him, pointing at him a black cylinder held in his hand.

More men in blue were cautiously approaching the pillar he'd hid behind.

"You wanna play rough, huh?" the blond growled, before he cursed. "Shit, I can't let these guys see ninjutsu." He poked his head out and saw metal boxes crying with loud alarms and flashing with red and blue lights. They stopped before the street separating him and the men with the cylinders.

The blond clicked his teeth as he realized he was surrounded. He had to get out of this situation but he didn't want to risk running out of his cover. He began making hand seals, "got no choice then." He sighed, knowing what kind of target it'd paint on him.

Right before he channeled his chakra.

"Psst, hey! Kid!" a voice whispered from behind him.

"Who's there," he whirled back to find a woman poking her head out of a man-hole and beckoning him with her fingers. "What do you want," the blond said, trying to keep an eye on both the blue men and this new woman.

The woman whispered harshly, "you're from Touwa right? Quickly, follow me, we can lose the cops!"

Naruto weighed in his options, face off against the 'cops' and expose himself, or follow the pretty redheaded woman into the sewers.

The blond nodded and crouched to the ground, crawling his way over to the manhole.

The woman disappeared into it, and Naruto opened the lid and jumped in after her.

The two of them ran, hearing loud bangs and sirens wailing behind them.

"Hey, why'd you help me out?" Naruto questioned as they rounded a corner.

The woman shrugged, "you can't speak the language of the Duchy can you? I saw the whole thing happen and decided to help you out.."

"The what?" Naruto frowned.

The woman then uttered some gibberish in rapid speak.

"Umm, what?" Naruto asked, as they slowly came to a stop. The woman panting lightly, while the blond didn't break a sweat.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him with a concerned frown. "When you can't even speak the language."

Naruto gave her an embarrassed laugh, "ha, let's just say I'm looking for something."

The woman pursed her lips and gave him a serious, considering look.

The ninja observed that she had a small mole under her eye. He rubbed the back of his head, not knowing what to say. "Uh, thanks for the save by the way." He held his fist out with a grin, "I'm Naruto." He said with crinkled eyes.

The woman sighed, and shook her head. "With a name like that… no wonder." She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "We're the same then, huh?" she said, making Naruto tilt his head in confusion. The woman eyed his extended fist and sighed.

"Well two's better than one in any case." She put out her fist and bumped it with his.

"Welcome to the West Duchy, Naruto." She gave him a brief smile. "You can call me Vermie. Someone stuck in between… just like you." She gained a determined look in her face, while Naruto grew more confused.

"Now, let's get out of here. We could use some fresh air," she said with a grin.

Naruto pumped his fist in the air. "Hell yeah."

"And then we're going to get you to school," Vermie cheered.

Naruto stopped dead.

"Say, what?"

The woman grinned at him. "Young man, you _do_ want a good education, don't you?"

"I'm fine really," said Naruto rubbing the back of his head, with increased trepidation.

"Nonsense! We're going to get you the best education in the whole country! At Dahlia Academy!" The woman clapped her hands and walked with a skip in her beat. "I should know, my daughter studies there after all!" She gave Naruto a bright, ear splitting grin. "She shines like the sun when she talks about her time there."

"Ahaha, I see," said Naruto, with a polite smile, determined not to commit to anything.

Vermie gave him a forlorn sigh, as a few tears escaped her, "oh, I miss that girl dearly." She gave the boy a watery smile. "Won't you help me see her again?"

Naruto's determination was shot to pieces. He gave the woman a thumbs-up.

"Just show me where to sign up, Vermie." He shot her a thousand watt grin.

Later that night, Naruto banged his head against a wall a thousand times in regret.

And cursed the Sage a million times more.

Oh the next time they met, he'd show him peace all right…

Right up his wrinkled ass!

_End of Prologue_


	3. Chapter 2 - Crossdress crusade

**Chapter 2 - Crossdress crusade**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Boarding School Juliet**

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Names convention**

**People from Touwa and Naruto:-**

**Lastname Firstname**

**Example:- Inuzuka Romio**

**People from the West Duchy:-**

**Firstname Lastname**

**Example:- Juliet Persia**

* * *

_In the infirmary_

Twisting and turning on the hospital bed, while scratching that inscrutable bedtime itch, Uzumaki Naruto was knee deep in the sewer of his mind, lost to the world and also his deviously grinning assailants.

Three Black Dogs towered over the ninja, all with the dash of the devil in their eyes.

Maru Chizuru, the short haired rap-battle sucker puncher with a lock for an earring, cracked his knuckles and snapped his neck. He looked to his accomplices. "Oi, Kohitsuji. Give it your best shot." A bundle of coarse rope in his hands, he smirked at how easy it was gonna be. "Make the pretty boy the girl of your dreams." He pulled the rope taut and moved closer to the bed.

Kohitsuji Eigo, a boy slightly taller than Maru but less physically built, grinned like he'd just found an adult magazine lying around for grabs. The leer of seasoned pervert rolled off his eyes, unimpeded by the bangs of dark violet hair that covered them. "Loud and clear, Maru. The boob-man's got your order, and he's ready to deliver." He wore women's underwear like a helmet on his head, while holding a pile of frilly skirts under his arms, all similar to the standard Black Dog's girls uniform. He wiggled his fingers in anticipation.

Tosa Kento, the tallest and buffest of them, unrolled the black tape in his hands. Though equally devious, he still had a question in his eyes. "Guys, just to be clear… I totally understand if you're into guys." The other two whirled their heads towards him, Maru looked taken aback, while Kohitsuji looked offended. Tosa rubbed the back of his clean-shaven head, the blond tuft on top of his head felt left out.

"What the hell, man? Boobs for life!" said Kohitsuji, while expressing himself with his hands in ways that would get him slapped by women.

Clearing his throat, Tosa smiled, trying to look as understanding as possible. "So, is that why we have this?" He pulled out a bra which women use for… volume. Tosa continued, "If we're really going after guys, why not just a Black Dog? Hell, Inuzuka might be up for it."

Maru closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Oi, are we gonna do this or what? Sleeping beauty here will wake up any second, we gotta doll him up before his debut."

The boob-man nodded, "yeah, we can discuss the philosophical and moral implications of booby-men versus booby-women later. And also the tautology of what exactly is and isn't a trap." Kohitsuji had the look of a thinker as he crouched and rubbed his chin.

Never underestimate the brain power enabled by the ever questing nature of a boy's libido.

Acknowledging the tone of honest scientific inquiry in the boob-man's words, Tosa clapped Kohitsuji's back. He grinned, "don't get ahead of yourself, all the theory in the world is nothing without any experiments."

Kohitsuji rubbed his nose with a smile, "a man can't experiment on his own you know." The both of them smiled and clasped their hands together, the gay sunset behind them setting the mood of trust, adventure, and friendship.

Grinning, the two of them got to work, with Kohitsuji hunting through the make up kit they'd brought, and Tosa carefully spreading the black tape over the sleeping blond's mouth.

Meanwhile, Maru was finishing up with tying the blond to the bed. He muttered under his breath. "I swear, you guys are making it sound like we'll fall in love with a dude."

He looked down at Naruto with a disinterested face, "seriously, how pretty could a guy in drag be?"

The gods of trickery smiled down on Maru.

* * *

_In Naruto's private sewer_

"So, it's come to this huh?" Naruto glared at the nine tailed fox who was bearing down on him with his overwhelming presence.

Crouched on all fours and with his tails fanning out behind him, Kurama shot an intimidating figure. Chuckling darkly as he bared his fangs at his so called partner, he said, "you don't know how long I've been waiting for this." His giant hand slammed the floor of the sewer, shaking the entirety of Naruto's mindscape.

The Uzumaki put on a brave face, despite knowing how screwed he was. "Come on buddy, you don't have to do this." He took a quick glance at his hand before looking back up with a buddy-buddy smile. "We're a team aren't we, and there is no I in Team 7."

The nine tailed fox licked it's jaw. "The humiliation," he slammed the ground at the pile of cards in-between him and his jinchuuriki.

A draw +2 card. Naruto winced.

The Kyuubi continued. "The suffering…," he slammed again.

Another draw +2 with a color change. Naruto began panicking, sweat rolling off him in buckets.

"The anger…" Slam. Slam. Slam.

Red skip. Blue skip. Yellow skip. Naruto's jaw was hanging.

"Oh, that look of helplessness on your face," Kurama licked his teeth, savoring the sight before him. "Delicious." Slam.

Wild card.

"Go ahead, partner. I'll let you pick the color," said Kurama with a mocking smile.

"G-Green," said Naruto, squeaking and looking at the beast with wide eyes. "C-Come on, is this for all the times I called you a fluffy fuzzball?" he said as he flicked his card out.

Kurama chuckled. "Aah, green, a wise choice." He slammed down a green draw +2. "It'll help me paint you green with envy." He cackled, his tails doing the tango behind him. "You really are the best, partner," taunted the beast.

Naruto's cards had fallen to the sewer floor. He had collapsed to the ground, his hands shaking and his eyes shadowed by his hair. He whispered, "f-finish me. I-I can't take this!" He punched the ground in despair, grabbing his hair and crouching into a ball.

"I thought you'd never ask!" The Kyuubi laughed and slammed a volley of cards on the table. "Wild draw +4, Skip, Skip, UNO, aaand done!" With a huge fanged grin Kurama clapped his hands in victory. "And that, is how it's done, human." He said, leaning down and guffawing in Naruto's face.

Pushing the beast's jaw away with a scowl, Naruto pouted. "Asshole," he said, bonking the beast's chin. "The hell you were doing holding on to so many cards?" he asked, standing up, grimacing at his wet pants. "You totally wanted to own me, right?" He glared.

Kurama stuck his nose up in the air. "That was for getting me married, having four kids, and then having to pay for their tuition." He looked at Naruto with frazzled eyes. "You had the audacity of making _me_ be the one to propose! I'm the nine tailed fox, the world should be at my feet! Not me at some woman's!"

"Oh, that," Naruto chuckled, "come on, it was funny."

Kurama was on a roll, "and to top it all off, _none_ of it was even real! You told me she was real!" He grabbed Naruto in a vice grip and shook him. "Damn it, I loved her! But… she cheated on me! I mean, what the hell?!"

Eyes dizzy from being shaken, Naruto managed out a, "t-that's what you get for being so demanding!" Slapping his cheeks to clear his head, Naruto continued, "Three course meals everyday? Romancing other women and coming home drunk? Did you ever change the baby's diaper? Marriage doesn't mean happily ever after you know!"

But Kurama wasn't ready to hear of his failings. He blithely complained, "And then it was game over! What the hell does that mean?! I couldn't even rip out the other human's throat and get my woman back!"

Sighing at being ignored, Naruto pried himself out of the beast's hand and jumped atop his head. "It's called a galge, pretty popular in Touwa," said Naruto, lying down on his back between the Kyuubi's rabbit ears. He scratched his partner's ear, "I thought it'd help me understand their culture." He grinned, "you were getting pretty into it, so I thought, hey! Let's be a bro and get my partner a girl!"

Kurama growled menacingly, "you broke my heart into a million pieces." He squinted his eyes so that he could spot Naruto.

The ninja laughed it off, "aww, cool your tails. Just get a real girlfriend." He poked the beast's ears as he teased, "She'll soothe your aching heart." The blond chuckled and continued in a high pitched voice, "Ohh, Kurama-kun, he's so handsome, and strong! And his tails, oh my! My heart beats like crazy when he looks at me! Gosh what is this feeling, it feels so good but hurts so much!" Naruto lost his shit and roared in laughter, falling off the Kyuubi's head.

Shaking his head in disbelief, the beast muttered, "with partners like you, who needs the Uchiha?" He caught the blond just as he hit the sewer floor and placed him down gently.

It took another minute before the blond calmed down. Coherent again, he weakly grinned up at the beast. "Sorry. I thought it'd help you under humans a bit better. Didn't know you'd get so attached." He cast a questioning eye at the cards they'd been playing. "Enough that you'd want revenge in card games?"

The Kyuubi harrump'd and looked away. "I won't forget this, human." He glanced at the blond, "but maybe I'll lower the degree of my retribution."

Naruto grinned in thanks and jumped to his feet. "So, I'll be back later." He stretched and rolled his arms, "pretty strange time you picked for the game, couldn't we have done it at night?"

"Oh?" Kurama's ears perked up, "I have my reasons," he said mysteriously. "And also, I won the match, so you have to do what I say." He smirked, daring the blond to say no.

Shrugging, the blond said, "alright, shoot."

Kurama pointed a finger at the blond, "you, have not used senjutsu in this world yet, have you?" The blond shook his head. "Good, because that is how we shall be going to your room. You are not to open your eyes, you will only use senjutsu to navigate your way."

"Huh, why?" Naruto frowned.

"Use your brain, idiot." The tailed beast poked Naruto's head, "this is another world. So its nature is going to be different. We need to be sure that you can still use its chakra. We have to be ready for anything, there's no backup here." Kurama held out his fist. "Just you and me."

Naruto grinned and bumped Kurama's fist. "Aw, you _do_ care."

"Of course I care, we're partners right?" Kurama smiled, emitting all kinds of fuzzy feelings like warmth and trust through his fanged mouth.

Touched, Naruto nodded his head rapidly, before closing his eyes and sitting down in a meditative pose. After a few minutes, an orange pigment appeared around his eyes. "Yeah, seems good. Feels kinda funny though. Guess you're right about giving this a test run. I'll master this, no problem." Nodding to himself, Naruto bid his tailed friend goodbye. "Smell ya later, Kurama!"

"Get outta my sight, human," said the beast, fondly.

A blink of the eye and Naruto disappeared from his mindscape.

And after a second passed, a big ugly self-satisfied smile took residence on the beast's face.

"Oh, this will be glorious."

* * *

_Back to the Infirmary_

Heart swelling with gratitude for having such a wonderful friend by his side, Uzumaki Naruto woke up, but kept his eyes shut as the fox had instructed.

"Mmph, mmm, mmph!" He was surprised to find his mouth shut together, but what was a little tape compared to the might of senjutsu?

He easily ripped it off, swearing like a sailor as he did so, and got up on his feet, the ropes binding him tearing like paper under his enhanced strength. It was weird, he thought, why was he tied up? Talk about culture shock.

Still much left to learn it seemed, but he payed it no mind as he gazed out the window, eyes closed. The setting sun's rays filled him with determination.

Now, all he had to do was ask his way around, and let the good people of the academy help him!

He smiled with confidence. This was the beginning of ninshuu 2.0. And if played his cards right, people would really get to know the real him. First impressions and all that.

Uzumaki Naruto marched out of the infirmary with the gumption of a natural born idiot.

* * *

_Black Dogs' Dorms_

A spiky black haired youth sauntered through the hallways of the Black Dogs' dorm. This youth, was Inuzuka Romio, the de facto leader of the first-year high school Black Dogs. The one who would be at the forefront of any conflict with the White Cats of the West Duchy.

To put it plainly, the Black Dogs and the White Cats were sworn enemies. Right from elementary all the way up to high school, these two factions of students were always at each others throats. Owing to the tensions and past conflicts between their countries.

Technically, Dahlia Academy was neutral ground, being smack dab between Touwa and the West Duchy. It was meant to foster goodwill and cooperation among the next generation.

But that was all a farce however. Daily roughhousing among the two student factions was a common occurrence. Cold as ice, were the interactions among the Cats and Dogs. And hot as fire, were their altercations.

Though Inuzuka Romio, for one, was _very_ thankful for always being at the White Cats' throats. For it gave him the opportunity to get close to the opposing dorm's leader, Juliet Persia, without being branded as a traitor and being tossed out by his friends. Possibly being forced out the academy for good. And if that happened, he'd never be able to confess his feelings for her.

He blushed as he thought of her. Small in stature, but with a fighting prowess that belied her size. She made his heart flutter like a school girl's.

Inuzuka gripped his hands as he steeled his steeled his resolve. Today was the day he'd…

Protect Persia by taking her head on! He grinned and pumped his fist. No one but him would him be brawling her, and if it was him there's no way she'd ever get hurt!

Inuzuka glanced outside, it was almost time for the first blows of the weekend melee to be exchanged. Now he just had to wait for the cue.

"Ahhhh!"

Inuzuka grinned, and there it was! Rolling his shoulders he jogged out the dorm, ready to kick ass and take names.

"Pervert!"

Inuzuka's thoughts ground to a halt. What? Pervert? Was their new strategy or something?

Nevertheless he quickened his pace, recognizing the voice as one of his Black Dogs.

He skid around the corner and made his way into the courtyard where he saw Kohitsuji grinning while patting another guy, who was in tears, on the back. Inuzuka's first response was-

"Oi, Kohitsuji. Cut it out," he said, moving to separate the two of them. "What, should we scared for the boys' locker rooms now?" He said, while leading the teary boy to a bench.

The curly haired boy sputtered, "w-what? What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Oh, god," cried the wailing boy. "She was a beauty, oh so beautiful from behind." He shed a few more tears. "Said she'd even go out for dinner with me." He sucked in a breath. "T-Then sh-she… _he_ turned around, and oh god… it was a _guy_." He grabbed Inuzuka and looked at him with depraved eyes. "The girl of my dreams is a _guy_."

Inuzuka blinked, bewildered. He tried to grin, "hey, mistakes happen-"

"I didn't even get his number!" the guy continued, sobbing.

Inuzuka's jaw froze mid-speech. A fly looked quite tempted to wander into his mouth.

"I-I was so shocked! I said something so hurtful that he asked me 'where's the pervert' and ran away." He looked into the distance wistfully.

"Uhh, do you know where he ran off?" said Inuzuka, blinking heavily, not knowing what else to say. The guy blew his nose on his sleeve and pointed towards the gardens. Nodding his head, Inuzuka set off, it certainly seemed like trouble, and he'd rather be at the center of it than be caught unawares.

"Take care of him, will ya? I'll be back," he said to Kohitsuji, before he jogged away.

Sliding in beside the crying boy, Kohitsuji smirked. "Plenty of fish in the sea, man! What d'ya say I lend you some mags?" The crying boy gained some cheer in his face. Everyone knew Kohitsuji was a connoisseur of the dirtiest magazines.

* * *

_Behind the White Cats' Dorm_

Juliet Persia, the blond haired leader of the White Cats, swung and thrust her sword. She rolled out of the way as she fought an imaginary opponent.

An opponent who very much resembled Inuzuka Romio.

Tucking her rosary back into her blouse, the girl growled, as the phantom yet again refused to take advantage of an opening. Refused to ever land a punch square in her face. She ran at it with abandon, goading it to deal her in, but the phantom only ducked and pushed her back.

She glared, as she recalled their every match. The force behind that man's blows were so gentle they might as well be a lover's caress. Always going off on how he couldn't hit her because she was a girl.

She scowled, as her eyes prickled.

It was dreadful being pitied by the likes of him.

What did she have to do for him to take her seriously? Fight harder? Taunt better? Maybe she should threaten his manhood? He certainly didn't have the balls to fight her.

Her cheeks heated briefly at such an undignified thought.

"Kyaa! Pervert!"

Persia's long hair sailed in the air when she whipped her head around the sudden scream. She jumped through an open window into her dorm, and marched briskly to the source of the scream. Her eyes narrowed, there would be no pervert on her watch!

Hearing the sounds of someone begging for their life, Persia promptly kicked open the door to the ladies locker room. Her brow furrowed, spotting a blond pile of tears and blood.

"Lady Persia!" the pile cried in joy, as it morphed into a teen wearing a pair of cracked glasses and a binoculars hanging off his neck. He managed to escape his beating and crawl over to Persia's feet. "Please help me clear this misunderstanding! This is all a mistake, I swear!"

A gaggle of high school girls in various states of undress glared at him, as one of them grabbed him by the collar and flung him back to their center. Their heeled shoes rising to deliver swift justice.

"Wait!" said Persia, getting in-between the group before. "At least tell me what happened here." She glanced down at the blond who was now hugging her feet. "What did Scott do? Though I can guess what must've happened," she said, glaring thinly at the bespectacled boy.

Scott clutched his heart as if struck by a fatal blow. "Please don't be fooled by the circumstances, Lady Persia. I had but the purest of intentions-"

A towel-clad girl cut him off, jerking her thumb towards the vents in the ceiling. "This pervert was peeping on us from the vents!" She sneered at the boy, "with binoculars!"

Scott scoffed, waving her off, "oh please, you flatter yourself. The only one I have eyes for is Lady Persia!" Brow twitching, Persia pursed her lips. Unabashed, Scott continued, "her safety and protection is my prime directive!"

Towel-clad girl deadpanned, "you want to protect her… by perving on her?"

Wagging his finger, Scott tsked, "your feeble minds would never understand the depths of my devotion." He scowled, "and I would have gotten away with it if wasn't for that meddlesome crossdresser!"

The whole room of scantily dressed girls protested at once.

"You take that back!" said towel-girl.

"Just because she looked manly doesn't mean she's a guy! …what a total hunk though! That ass…," one of the girls smiled dreamily and drooled.

"Her eyes were closed! Guys would _kill_ to catch a glimpse of _this_ booty!" Another girl winked, slapped her behind and posed like a bodybuilder.

Persia chuckled awkwardly, not knowing how to respond. Though she did doubt the girls' claims, Scott was usually the field expert in such matters… She shivered. Oh god, that sounded wrong.

Shaking her feet, Persia dislodged the pervert, and made way for the door. "Can you describe her for me? I'd like to thank her myself," she said looking back at the girls.

"Oh, she was wearing black, and she's blond," towel girl tapped her chin, "blue eyes I think."

"That ass…," day-dream girl wiped her mouth.

"She had some kind of tattoos on her face," booty girl grinned, "like, totally wild, right?"

Nodding in thanks, Persia took a final glance at Scott, who was reaching for her with a pitiful face, but was held back with a vice grip around the neck by towel girl.

Persia smiled at the other girls. "Don't be _too_ hard on him," she said as her parting words, leaving the locker room as she heard Scott's cries of pain and claims of innocence.

And with that, Persia set off on the hunt for the mystery individual. Her eyes narrowed, despite the act of chivalry, barging into the changing rooms was uncalled for. And if the individual was really a man?

She cocked a grin. Maybe Scott won't be so lonely in his punishment.

Though _how_ exactly the girls would punish that individual was entirely up to question. With the way their cheeks had pinked while recalling the events…

She had a good feeling it'd involve tight clothing.

* * *

_The magic of crossdressing graces Dahlia Academy_

Spreading joy and wonder like a fairy godmother, Uzumaki Naruto left many a student flabbergasted as he spread his magic among the populace.

_With a quest in his mind,_

_His dorm for him to find,_

_By condition left blind,_

_The challenge he didn't mind._

Finding the dorm would be a cinch! But before he did that he wanted to explore the academy too. And maybe find all the good hangout spots?

_The terror of a pervert,_

_To joy did he convert,_

_Girls smiled and made to flirt,_

_And thankfully not to hurt._

He still didn't get why they didn't beat him up for marching in. Was he handsome or what?

_Two children did he see,_

_Playing on a tree,_

_They slipped and tumbled free,_

_As he caught them they went whoopee._

The two elementary student Black Dog boys he saved would never forget their crossdressing savior, they would go on to delight their parents when they became more receptive towards wearing skirts for the family photo album. The parents thanked Crossdressman in their hearts, for giving them the chance to dress up their boys and embarrass them in the future.

_Caught a girl he did,_

_From the stairs when she skid,_

_When of danger he got rid,_

_In his mouth she threw a squid._

In hindsight, maybe saying, "hey girl, are you an angel? 'Cause you musta fell from heaven," was just asking for cooking ingredients being shoved in your mouth. And she seemed familiar, he definitely heard her voice before…

_Then met he a man in spirits high,_

_His style he wouldn't deny,_

_Greeted each other with a jovial cry,_

_With hands through their fly._

They left their onlookers staring in awe, as they exchanged their exaggerated and complicated handshake, all with their hands through their pants. Though his pants felt weird for some reason. It was a bummer when a woman with two ponytails, he knew she had them because they slapped his face, dragged the man away, promising to bury him in so much work that he'd think twice before engaging in such public obscenity.

Of course that was when the genius that he was said as parting words, "good knowing you man!" Insert cheeky grin and sarcastic wave, "rest in penis!"

Apparently, he now had detention with the pony tailed lady. Though he did get the man to cry like a proud dad, as if all his efforts at tomfoolery were bearing fruit before his eyes. The man said with shrewd eyes, before he disappeared round the corner, that he would be watching his student career with great interest.

Writ in the world was another verse on how the brave crossdresser faced off against the might of the shinai wielding general and his far-too-young-to-be-high-schoolers lieutenants.

But that's a epic for another day.

The sun had set, the street lights were lit, and Naruto found himself sitting cross legged before the fountain in the courtyard, meditating on the meaning of life, the universe and everything. And no matter how hard he thought, or how many times he did so, he always came up with the same answer.

The same singular answer.

42 bowls of Ramen.

Either he was really really hungry, or it really was the answer to all the world's problems.

He decided to test it out, just as an exhausted Inuzuka Romio collapsed in exhaustion on the pavement, glaring at him with the blaze of an inferno in his eyes, and panting like a steam engine. Naruto decided that a rousing round of verbal jousting was in order, so that one may put his burgeoning theory to the test.

He spoke with a jubilant smile, "greetings, weary traveler! Your travels have cast a nasty spell of exhaustion on you I see." Naruto laughed, roaring and merry, "get your arse up here, lad! We have 42 bowls of ramen with our names on them!"

Inuzuka grabbed a fistful of dirt and threw it in his direction. He growled as he took slow measured steps towards the Uzumaki. "You," he pointed at the blond, "take your clothes off. Right now."

Naruto's brow shot up. Woah, that worked waay better than he thought it would. He just met the guy and he already wanted to get down and dirty! He cleared his throat, maybe it was just a misunderstanding. "And I'd do that because?" asked Naruto.

Inuzuka cracked his knuckles, twisted his neck and grinned. "I'ma pound you into next week." His smile stretched like a gangster's, it was only missing the knife licking. "My whole evening gone. Poof. Chasing after some weirdo, while I could be doing a dozen other things." He glared balefully at the White Cat and chuckled, "really could care less about ripping into you, but you wearing shit that looks like a Black Dogs uniform? Just makes it- So. Dang. _Hard_."

The Uzumaki's jaw fell. Okay. Yeah. Maybe he should be leaving now. He was all for love and peace and all that jazz.

But not like this.

Even though the pervy sage would be all for this. He didn't think he was ready for _that_ kind of peace yet.

Jumping to his feet, Naruto gave the frustrated boy a two fingered salute with a grin, "I'd love to stick around, but I really gotta go. I left the stove on." He gave the boy a kind smile. "Don't take this the wrong way, it's not you, it's me." He chuckled, "I'm sure we can just be friends."

Inuzuka charged at the ninja, fist cocked back for a blow, "the day I'm your friend is the day I die!"

Naruto dodged the punch with a sweatdrop. Shit, this guy was serious. The power of ramen was dangerous indeed. He wouldn't even settle for being friends! Okay! He just had to up the ante!

Redirecting another punch and gently kicking Inuzuka a ways away, he tried again, "okay! How about this? We can be best friends!" Naruto gave him his fanged smile, "it'll be amazing! Just… don't put your hand through my chest…" He winced and covered it with a grin, "haha, I meant break my heart!"

Inuzuka furrowed his brow and said, "dude, I'll level with you. I want to rip your chest off right now, so that I can go back to sleep. My day sucked, and the last thing I want is you prancing around with that stupid thing."

Naruto's mind recoiled with shock, this guy… this guy was crazier than Sasuke! The Uchiha just wanted to kill him for power, but this guy… He wanted to kill him because he was sleepy! Relishing the challenge, Naruto smirked. Time for the trump card!

Grabbing the other boy's hand and pulling him close, Naruto spoke gravely, "last offer, let's become brothers." He gave him a small smile, "I could always use someone to get me stuff from Touwa. And I can ship you the Duchy's stuff." He grinned, "it'll be cheaper than the mail."

Surprised by the outlandishness of the statement, Inuzuka blinked and lost his fighting spirit for a second, his free hand falling to his side, "what? Brothers, what?" He shook his head and frowned, "what the hell are you saying?" Though his face was clouded in confusion, his mind was racing a mile a minute. In all his time at the academy, no White Cat had said something _that_ compromising. Not to a Black Dog at least. Did the guy even know what he was suggesting?

Seeing how the boy was at least thinking about it, Naruto continued with a smile, elbowing the boy playfully, "come _on_ , it doesn't have to end at that. I mean, there's a chick in your dorm I'd like to know better. I'm sure there's one in the cat dorm you're interested in." When Inuzuka blushed and looked away, Naruto's smile grew broader and he elbowed him again, "eh, eh, eh?"

Inuzuka wanted to say no. This was really, really dumb. So dumb that he'd personally ask his elder brother to beat him up so that he'd regain his common sense. But… damn it.

The Black Dogs leader gripped his fists and stared at the ground. He would be graduate out of the academy in two years tops, and if he didn't get his feeling across… he'd never see her in his life ever again.

He glared at the blond weirdo. If it was a choice between being punished for liking her, or punishing himself with his silence? The choice was too damn obvious.

"I don't need your help." Inuzuka said, grabbing the blond by the collar and bringing him close. His eyes burned into the Uzumaki's skull, "I don't like any girl."

Naruto smiled thinly. "You're lying."

Inuzuka scowled.

Naruto chuckled, "you're not a good liar." Naruto looked at him sadly, "it's about trust right? You don't trust me right? I really want to help you man."

The black haired boy's stare remained cold. "You're full of shit, White Cat."

Sighing in sadness, Naruto said, "okay. I'll give you dirt on me, if that'll help you believe me. Thing is… I'm not really from the West Duchy." Naruto grinned.

Inuzuka's brow furrowed.

The Uzumaki continued, "thing is, I'm more fluent in Touwan than the Duchy's English. Why? 'Cause my folks are torn between the two countries." Naruto's eyes shone with determination, "And I'm gonna unite them if it's the last thing I do. I'm gonna unite the world." The ninja gave him a cheeky smile, "I'll be helping myself by helping you, you know?"

"Who? Who're your folks?" Inuzuka asked, seemingly both horrified and fascinated. He couldn't imagine what that must be like on a family.

"Oi, I said I'd give you dirt on me, not my life story," Naruto stuck out his tongue. "Who knows, stick with me and maybe you'll find out? Brothers?" he said, with his fist out.

Inuzuka eyed the outstretched fist, but decided to test the blond first. With something that no self-respecting Duchman would know. "What do you call sticking your fingers up into someone's butt like a sword?"

Naruto ratted off his reply, with phantom pain shooting up his ass, "a thousand years of pain," he whispered, tenderly rubbing his behind. He shook his head to dislodge the memories and answered with a shaky smile. "Kancho, man. That's just basic."

Satisfied with the reply, Inuzuka extended his own hand, unsure of what this may bring, but knowing that change had to begin somewhere.

Though sadly before the boys' fists made contact-

"Inuzuka Romio!"

A woman roared from the distance, sprinting towards the fountain, with her sword poised to thrust.

"Shit!" said the boys in unison as the both bent backwards back to avoid being pierced by the blade.

Juliet Persia stood in-between the boys, with her back to Naruto, as if guarding him from Inuzuka. Taking her stance she said with a cold glare, "despicable, luring out my dormmate and bullying him?" She raised her sword, "I should've known you were behind this crossdressing spectacle."

Naruto scratched his cheek, "crossdressing?"

Persia flashed him a reassuring smile before looking back at her opponent, "don't worry, we'll get you away from this barbarian who'd prey on the weak."

Flabbergasted at the developments, Inuzuka stuttered and stumbled over his words, "w-what the hell are you saying! I-I had nothing to do with this!"

"Uhh, I think I'm missing something important here," pondered Naruto, deeply. "Inuzuka's cool," he said trying to defuse the situation.

Paying the obviously traumatized boy no mind, Persia let loose on Inuzuka, forcing him to dodge while trying to get a word in edgewise.

"Hey-"

Slash.

"Listen to-"

Swipe.

"Just listen for a second you daft woman!"

Persia's assault suddenly halted, her eyes shadowed by her hair. "Daft woman?"

Inuzuka slapped his mouth close, realizing what he'd said. "H-Hey, I didn't mean-"

Cutting him off, Persia said with enraged eyes, "is that why you pity me?! Because you think I'm daft!" She swung her sword again, to which he only jumped back. She all but screamed, "punch me in the face darn it!"

Inuzuka abruptly snatched her hand and pulled her close, he yelled in her face, "I don't pity you, you idiot!" His eyes intense with emotion.

"Then what is it!" Persia said, yelling right back at him.

Inuzuka replied just as loud, pouring all his heart into his next words.

"I love you!"

.

.

.

Persia's jaw fell.

"W-What?" she said, her voice meek and questioning.

Seeing that the girl wasn't pushing him away, Inuzuka took his chance. "I-I love you. I have for a while now. W-Would you be my girlfriend?" He managed to say with an embarrassed face, but never taking his eyes off her.

Persia blinked heavily, and shook her head once. "Do you realize what you're saying? Our nations, our people would never condone such a relationship." She said, even as the dust of pink slowly rose up her cheeks.

"Then I'll change it!" Inuzuka thumped his chest. "I'll change the world, it means I can be with you!" he declared.

Persia smiled like an angel, and then pushed Inuzuka into the fountain. Giggling, she jumped in after him.

Coughing the water out, Inuzuka saw her stand over him.

"Then I suppose I've no recourse other than helping you," said Persia, holding her hand out for him. "This will be team effort after all," her face glowed under the moonlight.

Face lighting up like it was his birthday, Inuzuka grabbed her hand and smiled.

The two of them stayed like that for a moment, caught in each other's gaze, before they heard someone crying.

They turned their confused heads to see the crossdressing ninja with his face buried in his arm, and sobbing his heart out.

"S-So, so beautiful!" he said as he blew his nose on his sleeve. "Ah, man, I got your back guys!" He gave them a tear filled thumbs-up.

Sighing, Inuzuka slowly stood up. "I forgot you were still here." Rolling his shoulders he finally asked the question he'd been meaning to ask, though that'd taken a backseat to relieving his stress, "So, gotta ask, man. Is dressing up as a girl your hobby or something?"

Naruto tilted his head, "come again?"

Persia piped in, "you mean you weren't bullying him?" she asked Inuzuka with a furrowed brow.

Naruto slapped his cheeks in shock, "I'm being _bullied?_ " Naruto had a sudden flash of intelligence, "wait, I'm dressed up as a _girl?_ " Deciding that all bets were off after being pranked, the Uzumaki opened his eyes, not before releasing his nature chakra, to behold his magnificent chest. With the eye of a critic he grabbed a handful and examined it. "Hmm, balance is off. Not the right proportions," he muttered to himself under his breath.

"H-Hey, stop that!" Juliet dashed towards him and pushed his hands away from himself. "That's no way for a gentleman to behave!" she said with an embarrassed face.

While Inuzuka had other things to say, "wait, so you're telling me your eyes were closed the whole time?" He asked with a puzzled frown, "how the heck didn't you notice the… umm…" he blushed, " _mass_ in front of you."

Persia gave him an unimpressed look. "Mass?" Inuzuka couldn't bear how cute her disapproval looked and smiled like an idiot.

"Ha, well. It was training," answered Naruto with a grin. "And this man is too strong for boobs to break his back!" He posed like a muscleman. It did interesting things to his chest.

Scowling, Persia cut it off with her sword.

Naruto stared, horrified as they fell. "No! My boobs!" he cried for their untimely demise.

Persia then grabbed him by the ear and squeezed, causing him to yelp.

"We shall discuss more later," she said, addressing Inuzuka as he laughed at the blond boy's reaction, "for now, I'll be taking this troublemaker back to the dorm."

Shaking his head in amusement, Inuzuka bid them farewell, walking away with his hands in his pockets and a spring in his step.

As for Naruto and Persia?

"H-Hey, you can let go now, haha," said Naruto, wincing in pain. "Uhh, the dorm's coming up. I kinda, haha, look ridiculous, oww!"

Persia was all smiles. "Now, now, don't say that. I know some girls who would be simply _delighted_ to meet you in this guise."

"Oh really?" said Naruto, excited.

"Yes, really," said Persia, reassurance was the melody of her voice, She then led him straight into the lion's den reserved exclusively for those who would barge into ladies changing rooms.

"Ladies, I believe it is long overdue that you met your knight in perverted armor," she said before her audience of girls who were quickly turning red with understanding. "I leave him to your tender care," said Persia before leaving the boy to fend for himself.

Naruto guilelessly introduced himself, "hey girls! I'm Naruto!"

Among the multitude of girls, three particular ones crept forward and snaked their arms around him.

"Soo, crossdressing huh?" said former towel girl, with a menacing grin.

"H-Hey there, handsome," said the day dreaming girl with a pretty blush.

"Hey, asshole! Why the hell weren't you checking me out! What, my booty not good enough for you?!" said booty girl, glaring at him with a pout.

Naruto just chuckled. Ohh man, he was screwed.

The girls pounced on him with a vengeance.

Much scuffling ensued.

And that is the story of how Uzumaki Naruto, on his very first day of school, became the servant of the White Cats' girls for the indefinite future.

Owing to his eyes being shut during the incident, his sentence was much lighter compared to that of his fellow trespasser, Scott, who was nowhere to be found for the following week.

So remember y'all, in the words of the great super pervert, Jiraiya-sama,

Hell hath no fury like a woman peeped on.


	4. Chapter 3 - Tutor hunt

**Chapter 3 - Tutor Hunt**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Boarding School Juliet**

**Author's Note:**

**Names convention**

**People from Touwa and Naruto:-**

**Lastname Firstname**

**Example:- Inuzuka Romio**

**People from the West Duchy:-**

**Firstname Lastname**

**Example:- Juliet Persia**

* * *

_In the prefects' room of Dahlia Academy_

"Naruto Uzumaki, you are slated for expulsion."

Said a pony tailed lady wearing a prefect's armband, with an air of finality.

Those words were like slam of a heavy iron gate on all his hopes and dreams for the future. The death stalking ravens cawed as they picked at the very seams of what held him together. But at the same time, it was the blossoming of freedom at his very core. The toads of rock and roll croaked their hearts out, declaring their independence from within him.

Which is why Naruto felt _very_ conflicted. On one hand, he wanted to jump for joy and kiss the beautiful lady for delivering the good news. But on the other, he wanted to crawl under the table and hide out of embarrassment for failing his mission right when it'd started.

_'And that, is why you're a genin, and I'm a chunin,'_ said the imaginary Sakura in his head, grinning and proudly showing off her vest.

Naruto pouted and poked his fingers dejectedly, "go away, Sakura-chan," he complained under his breath.

The light red haired prefect smacked his head with her clipboard, her disposition being quite disappointed, "focus, Uzumaki." She leaned back into her seat as she got his attention, "have nothing to say for yourself?"

Rubbing the sore spot on his head, Naruto said, "uhh, I was being bullied?" He sat up straighter in his chair, "I had no idea I was wearing a dress, umm… Miss uh…, Miss Prefect!"

The prefect raised her brow, "Miss Prefect? Surely you remember my name? I'd introduced myself when you were," her face grew ill and she covered her mouth, "fooling around with Cait."

Naruto racked his brain, he opened every rack in his brain, he employed all the mini-Naruto's in his brain, he begged Kurama for an answer, and he came up with, "Is-is it gorgeous?" Clicking his tongue, he did the finger-gun.

He thanked his late master. Good old pervy sage, he always had an answer for such things.

The prefect raised an unimpressed brow, crossing off something on her clipboard. "You know, I'd asked for them to reconsider your case, but seeing what a _gentleman_ you are?" She stood up, shaking her head, "I believe I wasted my time."

Feeling like he swallowed a bitter fish, Naruto cursed the pervy sage's womanly expertise. That wrinkled old pervert! No wonder he was reduced to peeping in his old age!

"W-Wait, I'm sorry!" said Naruto, getting up and dashing in front of her with slightly raised hands, not entirely blocking but obstructing her way as she was about to leave. "Aren't you being a bit too harsh? I mean, you haven't even told me why I gonna be expelled," said Naruto with pleading eyes.

The prefect brushed her hair aside and looked down on her clipboard, "let's see, violating the school dress code, causing mischief and unrest among the student body, risking the escalation of tensions between our dorms, barging into rooms meant for the opposite gender, littering your unmentionables near the fountain, then-"

Naruto had to interject at the last one, "hey, I didn't litter anything-"

"Your bra," said the prefect, facing him with a flat face.

"…oh," said Naruto, blushing in embarrassment and looking down. It was weird hearing a prim and proper girl say something like that in a monotone.

"Moving on," she said, shaking her head, "having tattoos, barely passing the entrance exam with abysmal scores-"

Naruto interrupted her again, "what? Tattoos?" He frowned, "I don't have any tattoos."

The prefect furrowed her brow, "then those lines on your face?"

"Oh, those?" The Uzumaki grinned and turned his cheek to her, to give her a better view, "those are birthmarks. Had them ever since I was a kid."

"Birthmarks, you say," the prefect's gaze suddenly looked very interested. "Hmm," she pursed her lips as she glared at him and leaned in closer. "I must examine this, please close your eyes," she all but demanded.

Naruto obeyed her and shut his eyes, he didn't want to risk pissing the lady off any more. He felt her step closer to him, close enough that he could feel her breath on his face. And he was suddenly very _very_ nervous.

This was eerily similar to a scene from the pervy sage's books. No way this was a flag, right?

The devil in his belly began whispering in his ear.

_"Pretty, tight-laced prefect brings in the troublemaker to a secluded room. Oh my, what a naughty little boy he's been. Onee-san has to punish him now, hasn't she? She'll teach him, real nice and slow…"_

Naruto gulped and thought happy thoughts, trying his best to ignore the racy scenario being narrated to him.

He felt soft hands touching and shying away from his cheeks. The sensations making all his hairs stand up as if struck by static. Finally mustering the courage, a palm gently settled on the base of his jaw, as delicate fingers traced the length of his birthmarks.

Naruto began sweating bullets as he tried to hold his voice back.

_"Do, it."_

The Uzumaki shut his eyes harder.

_"Do not rob me of this. Do it, human."_

Naruto imperceptibly shook his head. He was _not_ going to entertain the fantasies people had of him. He wasn't a cat dammit!

_"That can be arranged."_

A pulse of chakra flooded his throat and hand. He felt his muscles seize and then-

"Prrrr~"

He purred in content. His mouth shifting to a grinning maneki-neko's (beckoning cat), as his hand pawed at the air. He leaned a little into the lady's touch, his whole body shivering with pleasure.

"C-Cute," he heard her say, her voice breathless, and the smile in it obvious.

_"'Ara, ara, what a cute little kouhai I have here, ne?' says the Onee-san, her eyes full of mischief, and something more."_

Naruto's breath became labored and his eyes began rolling under the lids. Boy, was it getting hot in here? He sure couldn't breathe.

"W-Would you mind putting something on?" she asked him, still damnably stroking his cheek, and making him lose his mind.

"A-Anything for you, Anne," he said, steam pouring out his ears, rolling forward the springtime of youth inside him.

_"'Let's slip you into something more… comfortable, shall we?' she says, the promise of passion etched in her breath."_

Oh, _shit_. He fell right into it! Naruto tried to speak, but his voice failed him when he opened his eyes wide and saw her smiling brightly at him with a healthy blush. He didn't even notice her putting something on top of his head.

He forgot what he was about to say and found himself just staring at her, at how her face came to life when she her lips were freed from their cage of self-imposed strictness and danced up to meet her cheeks.

"S-So, cute," Naruto instead found himself whispering as their gazes met, and for an instant it seemed like they were the only two people in the whole world. One saw a cute cat before her, and the other saw a cute girl. Cuteness overload all around.

Of course, that was when common sense decided to reassert its dominance.

Snapping out of her trance, the prefect blinked twice before she jerked back, hitting herself against the table and losing her footing. Her hand reached for the air, grasping at an invisible ledge as she fell backwards.

She shut her eyes bracing for impact. But nothing happened.

If you count being romantically held by your underclassman as nothing that is.

Naruto had masterfully caught her around the waist, and was holding one of her arms to support her better.

If this were a dance contest the judges would've been on their feet whistling and cheering, while the whole audience would be thundering them with applause.

Lost for words at the strong arms holding her aloft, the prefect stared up at boy with an open mouth. Her eyes rose to stare at the accessory on top of Naruto's head. A pair of golden cat ears. Her cheeks flamed anew.

The Uzumaki couldn't take the tension any longer and just _had_ to insert his foot in his mouth, "hey come on now, don't go falling for me." He winked, "I'm supposed to be falling for _you_."

_"Huh, where did_ that _come from?"_ His inner demon wondered.

Naruto chuckled nervously. Ooh boy, great time for the pervy sage's teachings to shine through. How proud he'd be of him right now. He hoped he was getting his due lectures from his mom though, wherever they were.

"Y-You can let me go now," said the prefect, averting her gaze and bracing herself against the table with her arm. Her face was back to its blank and focused stare, but the blush was yet to recede.

Quickly obliging her, making sure she stood up without problems, Naruto took an big step away from her, his hands raised in apology. "Sorry about that," he said with an embarrassed smile.

Taking a moment to gather herself, the prefect dragged a palm down her face and then turned to glower at him. "Do you flirt under pressure? Or are you just that clueless?"

"S-Sorry, Anne," he said, wincing under her stare. She pursed her lips and whirled away from him, making him squawk as her ponytails slapped his face.

Picking up her fallen clipboard, she said, "so, you remember my name after all?" Reading her notes, she said, "so I presume you shall remember this as well-"

Naruto laughed and pulled on his collar, "I don't think I can forget-"

The prefect whirled back to face him, yet again slapping his face, "I wasn't _finished_." She said through gritted teeth. If she were trying to hide her embarrassment she was doing a terrible job of it. But it did wonders for her blood circulation though, keeping her face well oxygenated.

She shook her head and continued, "As I was _saying_ , there is only one way for you to continue your studies." She snapped out a paper from her clipboard and handed it over to him.

Her next words definitely killed something inside him.

"Naruto Uzumaki, you are to place first in the next monthly tests. You are to place first, not second, not third, but first. Else you shall be expelled, effective immediately. This has been determined by the academy board, the staff and the prefect body, and is non-negotiable."

Naruto's body went numb as he processed those words. The horrors of his entrance-exam prep days crashed into him all at once. And considering the liberal use of clones he'd made then?

It was horror times thousand.

By the time he escaped the sinister whispers of his textbooks and the trauma of his problem sets, he found himself sitting in the gardens, where he was leaning back against a tree. The elementary school kids were dressing him with garlands and crowns made of flowers.

He dragged his hand down his face and groaned.

How the hell was he gonna make it out of _this_ mess?

_"Through the power of friendship!"_ said the demon, cackling like a mad-fox.

"You're just _asking_ for it, aren't you?" said Naruto, growling in a low voice.

_"Bite me, human."_

Naruto choked back a sob, as even annoyance at the fox paled in comparison to the ordeal in front of him.

It was to his eternal dread that he'd ever have to think it was time to hit the books.

Oh how simple the world would've been if that hitting involved a rasengan and not his sanity.

Naruto slapped his cheeks and shook his head. He better get his act together, he had less than a month left to prepare.

Standing up, after promising the kids that he'd play with them some other time, he set off for the dorms.

Determined to bug someone into tutoring him.

The kids however were pouting hard at the blond's departing back. They wanted to play some more with the funny catman!

The cat ears on his head were just so adorable!

* * *

_The White Cats common room_

Sitting in a chair by the window, sipping a cup of warm tea and with a book in her hand, Persia observed curiously as her fellow blond, who had whiskers like a cat's, would keep trying to reach where she was seated. Only to get swept away by the other girls, involving him in some chore or another.

She smiled in amusement as yet another one of them dragged him away by his tie, boldly asking him to take her back to her room, citing her fatigued body as a reason. She was the one who had taken a fancy to him during the changing room incident if she remembered right.

The gallant blond had of course acquiesced with a grin, scooping her up into a bridal carry, saying his one-liner, and jogging away with her, with the girl giggling in his arms. The girl's friends ran after him, exclaiming that he better not get any ideas.

Persia chuckled as she took another sip of her tea. The dorm had certainly gotten more lively in the past week, since the boy with the peculiar name had arrived. The other boys were warming up to him as well, after getting over their initial jealousy over how much of the girls' attention he was soaking up.

Apparently, all they'd needed was an after-school punch out among men. She'd been very worried that day, rushing as fast as she could to aid the whiskered blond before he got seriously hurt. When she came to the forest area where the fight was occurring, and saw the state they were in, her heart had nearly stopped.

It was a sea of blood, with the entire clearing painted red. Only the boy she'd rushed there for was standing and the rest were bloodied and unmoving on the ground.

Persia hadn't immediately reacted to that, because something about that sight had bugged her. It was too strange.

Despite the seeming carnage, the Uzumaki was only grinning proudly and rubbing his nose with a self-satisfied smile, there wasn't a scratch on him.

And the other boys?

They were all smiling like they'd achieved nirvana. Never before had she seen such blissful smiles upon a person.

And when they had woken from their serene slumber, they'd all clapped their assailant on the shoulders, claiming him to be a man among men.

When she'd asked what had actually happened?

They absolutely refused to tell her, averting their gazes, or telling her that it was a man's honor to keep it among themselves.

Too bad Scott was still missing at that time. He'd certainly have told her what'd gone on.

Maybe she should ask Inuzuka, what caused someone to bleed profusely through their nose? That was a phenomenon she was entirely unfamiliar with.

"Psst, hey Persia," whispered a voice from the window.

Startled, Persia choked on her tea and beat her chest as she coughed. Snapping her neck to the window, she saw an apologetically smiling Naruto at the other end.

"Hii~," the Uzumaki chirped, saluting her.

Persia's eyes widened as she quickly slammed the window fully open. "We're on the second floor! Get inside!" she said, grabbing his saluting hand and holding it with a vice grip.

"H-Hey, not so tight!" complained Naruto, before poking his head through the window and flipping himself inside the room, landing in a crouch on the floor. He pouted up at the girl, "stop treating me like a kid, I'm not helpless you know."

Persia glared at him, "I will the second you give my heart a rest! Getting into fights, scaling buildings like a monkey, playing with with toxic toads in the lake! And who knows what else!"

Naruto looked absolutely taken aback and looked down, his bangs shadowing his eyes. "Persia… I didn't know I made you feel like this." he said, biting his lip. His hand trembled as he gripped it on his knee.

The White Cats leader didn't bat an eyelash, she folded her hands and tapped her foot as if expecting what was to come.

The ninja jumped to his feet and beamed at the girl. "I didn't know I made your heart skip a beat." He put his hands on his hips and cackled at his clever comeback.

Persia sighed, grabbed him by the ear and twisted it, turning his snickers into whimpers. She dragged him out of the common room, with an exasperated face, while the blond followed her complaining how she couldn't keep her hands to herself, and how she had to let go of him if she they truly loved him.

The rest of the cats laughed at this scene, which was now becoming familiar, of their leader leading the stray cat by the ear whenever he got up to some mischief.

Leading him to a quieter corner by the stairs, Persia let him go and folded her hands, "now tell me, what is the matter? Or did you just feel like scaring me for the 'lulz' as you put it?" She said, quoting the air with her fingers.

"Could you tutor me?" asked Naruto, nursing his ear with a wince. "I kinda need to do good in the upcoming tests, and I figured you'd be the best person to ask," he grinned at her.

Persia's face lit up. Oh? He was concerned about his studies? That was quite the welcome surprise! This could even be the road to straightening him out!

She had a quick look at her watch to see when she would be free, but then her eye fell on the date. And the wind left her sails. Her face grew part delighted and part sad. Delighted because _she'd_ be returning soon. And sad because _she'd_ not spare anyone who'd steal her attention.

Looking up shame-faced, Persia said, "I'm sorry, Naruto. I'd really like to help you, but I wouldn't have the time in the coming weeks." She sighed sadly, "were it any other time, we'd already be well into a session by now."

Crestfallen, Naruto's shoulders drooped. "O-Okay, guess you got your own stuff going on." He pursed his lips and roughly scratched the back of his head. "Gaah, I already asked the other guys and they just invited me join their study group."

"Did you join them?" asked Persia, with a raised brow, interested in the answer.

Naruto shrugged, "I payed them a visit, but they're revising stuff mostly. I need to start from the basics, you know? Like, what's a function and stuff." He grimaced, "that stuff's gonna be on the test."

Persia opened her mouth-

Naruto spoke before she did, "and before you ask, I just memorized everything for my entrance exam. I didn't really get it, just know what goes where." He kicked the floor, dejected, "that's biting me right in the ass now."

Feeling bad for him, Persia said, "I have some time right now, would you like to me to tutor you?"

Shaking his head, Naruto waved her off, "nah, it's cool. I'd rather find a permanent tutor for the test. Plus don't wanna cause you any trouble." He grinned and turned away, "guess I'll go and bug lover boy, see ya later, Persia."

She caught his hand just before he left, prompting him to look at her, "find me if you need me, alright?" she said, emphatically.

He gave her a shit eating grin, "if I _need_ you? Oh, lover boy'll love _that_." Freeing his arm he sprinted away down the stairs, laughing like a loon.

Leaning down against the railing and shaking her fist at him, Persia yelled.

"Uzumaki! I'll have your hide!"

Naruto's voice boomed from downstairs.

"Knew you couldn't keep your hands off me, babe!"

"Graah!"

Persia screamed in frustration and punched the railing.

That… that boy! He'd make her blood pressure rise through the roof one of these days!

* * *

_Near the vending machines located opposite the academy library_

Inuzuka grunted as he set down the tall stack of thick books he'd been carrying on the bench beside the vending machines. He wiped his sweat away with his sleeve, and sat down and waited for his friend, Komai Hasuki, to catch up.

Today was another revision night, and he'd elected to be her pack mule and help her gather the study materials. Standing up, he trudged over to the vending machine and bought two cans of iced tea, setting one aside while he popped the other open and helped himself to the refreshment.

He gazed at the library, wondering what was taking her so long. She only had to buy some extra notebooks and stationary from the shop, and they'd be set.

He grimaced as he thought of what awaited him, so he distracted himself thinking any random thing that could take his mind off it. That random thing just so happened to be the one he was waiting for, Hasuki.

Sipping the tea, he reminisced how they'd first met when they were kids, and he'd thought she was a loner in the beginning. He chuckled, well, that all changed thanks to how smart he was.

And by that he meant he was absolutely, completely dumb.

That had lead to his asking for her help with his studies, when he found out that quiet girl in class was actually very smart. And the rest was history. They'd been thick as thieves ever since, with her growing more and more confident in herself, and losing her glasses, while he was proud to say that he could now hold his own in an exam.

That didn't mean he didn't attend Hasuki's revision nights with the rest of the dorm though. She wouldn't let him hear the end of it if he skipped out. He chuckled to himself, as he took another sip.

"Ooh, someone's happy. Thinking of Persia, hmm?" asked a sly voice from behind him.

Inuzuka choked on the tea, and beat his chest hard. Rivulets of the beverage freely flowed down his nose as he whirled around coughing. His heart had stopped in fright, thinking that his secret had been exposed.

Naruto grinned back at him, giving him a peace sigh.

Inuzuka's face twitched, as he gripped and loosened his fists, his muscles quivering. He had never wanted to punch someone in the face as much as he did right then.

"Inuzuka-kun!" he heard Hasuki yell for him and glanced back, seeing the girl running towards them with a face ready for a fight with the White Cat.

Without warning Inuzuka let loose a kick against the blond, which he dodged and back-flipped twice, landing a few paces away. Naruto looked back at him with a conciliatory smirk, getting into a fighting stance.

"I got your back, Inuzuka-kun!" said Hasuki, standing side-by-side with Inuzuka and glaring at the blond.

Naruto laughed like a Machiavellian movie villain, and sneered, "and who might this lovely lady be, my dear Inuzuka?" He waggled his brow at the girl, "what say we be away into the sunset, my dear lady? The boor needn't bother us with his presence."

The girl frowned, "why are you talking like that? Did you hit your head or something?"

The blond laughed merrily and spread his arms wide, "'Tis not my head which was hit, but my heart which was struck." He winked. "By a cupid's arrow."

Hasuki glared at him, looking closer at his features. "Wait… I remember you. You're that weirdo!"

Naruto blinked. "Eh?"

"You asked me to m-m-marry you! After you ruined my lunch! W-Who does that?" The girl was definitely blushing with anger now. "And then you ruined my dinner by eating my squid!"

"Ehehe," Naruto rubbed the back of his head with an abashed smile. "I didn't mean to?"

Eyes widening, Inuzuka started to panic, the idiot was coming off his acting.

The blond gave Hasuki a bright grin. "Your ramen was awesome though! I never had anything like it! Could you make me some more? You could be the key to everlasting peace!" He beamed at the girl, making her blink and step back in surprise.

Inuzuka decided to take matters into his own hands before they things went further.

With a stormy face and hands shoved into his pockets he trudged forward,

**Menacingly**

Naruto perked up, as he got closer. He said, smirking, "oh? You're approaching me? Instead of running away you're approaching me?"

Inuzuka growled out his reply.

"I can't beat that smirk off your stupid face without getting closer."

Laughing with mania, the blond beckoned him closer while walking forward himself. "Heh, get closer. Get as close as you need to."

And when the boys were inches away from each other, their eyes flashed and they let loose a flurry of punches and kicks at one another.

Inuzuka roared with each punch.

"Ora ora ora ora ora ora!"

Naruto cackled with each kick.

"Muda muda muda muda muda muda!"

Screaming like a bunch of high-octane jokers, the two of them ran towards the bushes and disappeared behind them, all the while continuing their volley of strikes.

Hasuki was staring after their departure with a dumbfounded face and an unhinged jaw.

"Was that…," she muttered to herself as she blinked heavily and rubbed her eyes, "was that a freaking reference!"

Then she slowly started to giggle and then fell down on her knees guffawing at the absurdity.

She-she had to help Inuzuka-kun! He might be in trouble!

"Hahahahaha! Oww. Hahaha!"

Just-just as soon as she got her giggles under control! Oh god her stomach, she couldn't breathe! Haha.

It would later occur to her that the White Cat knew what 'useless' meant in Touwan, making her wonder if he knew the language or just watched the TV a lot.

But right now, she was too busy with chortles to think of anything else.

* * *

_Behind the bushes_

A Black Dog and a White Cat crouched behind some bushes.

"You want me to what?" Inuzuka asked, staring at the blond with surprised eyes.

"Teach me?" said Naruto, rolling his shoulder. "I need to do good on the tests, figured you could help me."

"You know what kind of rumors will fly if we hang out right?" said Inuzuka, shaking his head. He sat down and crossed his legs, "they'll be on to me in an instant."

Naruto scowled and stared up at the sky. "It really sucks, you know? You having to hide your thing."

The black haired boy looked touched for a moment and then scoffed, punching the Uzumaki in the shoulder, "and it really sucks with you throwing one-liners like it's going out of fashion." He pinched the blond's cheeks and pulled him to eye level, "what's with you bugging Hasuki, huh? Eating her food and flirting after?"

"Heew whaf, fee feems fummm," said Naruto through deformed lips, and upturned eyes, getting his spit everywhere.

"…thanks, I really needed that bath," said Inuzuka, sighing and pushing the blond back, making him fall on his butt. He grimaced rubbing his face against his sleeve.

"I _said_ , she seems fun," said Naruto, grinning.

"Uh-huh? And the flirting?"

"Hey, blame my godfather. His stories were my only brush with school life." Naruto punched the air, and grinned, "I wanna make as many friends as I can!"

Inuzuka looked at the ninja with amusement, cocking his brow up, "you sure it's friends? Seems more like girlfriends to me." Something clicked into place and Inuzuka did a double-take, "wait, what did you say about schoo-"

Naruto didn't let him finish.

He made an 'O' with his mouth and slapped his fist against his palm, "ooh! So _that's_ why Persia is always after me!"

The reaction was instantaneous.

"You bastard!" Inuzuka pounced on him, snarling. "You stay away from her!" He shook the blond by his collar, bringing him up and banging him against the ground.

Bang. "I-". Bang. "Was-". Bang. "Kidding!"

Inuzuka stopped and gave him a blistering glare.

Naruto grinned up at him. "What I really meant was, just the sight of me makes her scream my name."

"Arrgh!" Inuzuka roared with anger and continued banging him.

Bang. "No!" Bang. "Inuzuka-kun~" Bang. "We mustn't!" Bang. "What if someone-" Bang. "Sees us!" Bang. "Iyaa~"

"Aw, shit." Inuzuka let go of the blond and hopped away. "What the hell!" he said, groaning and pressing his palm against his eyes. "Don't make it weird!"

Naruto sat up and struck his tongue out at him. With his finger he pointed to the Black Dog's right.

Looking over, Inuzuka spotted Hasuki headed their way. He turned back and scowled at the blond. "You could've just told me to stop."

The Uzumaki chuckled. "Yeah, but that wouldn't be as good a memory." He clapped the Black Dog on the shoulder, "I really was kidding though! Don't tell Persia okay, or she'll pull my ear off!"

Inuzuka smiled and gave him a bro-fist to the chest. "Thanks for the ammo."

The Uzumaki gave him the stink-eye, grinned and then sprinted away into the thicker vegetation.

"Inuzuka-kun!"

Said Hasuki, stepping through the low bushes, "where is he? Did you get him?" she said, looking around. She held her hand out for him.

"Eh, I didn't get him," Inuzuka grabbed her and pulled himself up. He gave her a grin, "but now I know what gets him."

The two of them smiled and exchanged a hi-five. Happy to have one up on a White Cat.

"And now, knowledge awaits! To the study hall!" cheered Hasuki, grabbing his hand and leading them back to their dorm.

"Do we _have_ to."

Inuzuka complained, but let himself be led anyway.

Hey, at least he might be able to make some extra notes for the blond, even if he couldn't help him directly.

And something told him the blond would need all the help he could get.

* * *

_In the prefects room_

"Cait, I'll ask you again. Are you really sure you want to do this?" asked Anne Sieber, sitting in the prefects room now occupied by the White Cats prefects.

Cait Sith, the head prefect of the White Cats merely smirked and arched his fingers before him, his hands on his desk. His braided blond hair hanging over his neck.

"It is only the test of fire that makes fine steel, dear Sieber." He chuckled, "I want to see how sharp a blade we can forge."

Rex, the last of the White Cats prefects, and the one currently dressed in a manly skirt and holding an umbrella over his shoulder, said. "I understand your interest, never have I seen a more masculine expression of womanhood before his escapade." He laughed boisterously, and then shook his head. "But what if you break him?"

The head prefect shrugged, "oh well, at least we'll end up with a mascot. His whiskers would make for a delightful crowd pleaser."

At that Sieber averted her gaze. "I… don't disagree with that."

Cait stood up, and walked over to the window looking down on the academy. Gazing out of it, he said, "it is clear. He has eyes on him already. I would say brazenly marching through the gate without changing his name foolish, but then I would call him a coward if he'd done so."

"Cait… I had no idea there was this side to you.." said Sieber in a low voice. "To go so far…"

The head prefect whirled around with an overjoyed smile. "Sieber! So you've finally seen the brilliance that I… am…? Sieber?" He became confused as she was looking him with a disgusted look.

"You just want to play around with him, don't you," she scowled. "An accomplice to your vulgar jokes."

Cait clutched his heart and frowned in mock hurt. "Sieber! Your comments penetrate me!" He grinned, "deeply!"

The red headed prefect blankly looked at him, before writing something on her clipboard. "I'm signing you up for the remedial camp along with Airu." She handed him a piece of paper, and marched out the room, "have fun bonding with each other."

The head prefect looked at the paper in his hand with dread, his eyes widening. He ran after her, "Sieber, wait!"

Running out the room, he smacked face first into one person he didn't ever want to smack face first into. The two of them tumbled to the floor, with Cait atop the one he firmly detested and never really got along with.

He scowled down, "Inuzuka Airu."

The one below him, the head prefect of the Black Dogs, pushed his glasses up his nose, and stared back with a stony face. "Cait Sith."

Flowers began raining down around them, setting the mood for a romantic encounter.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing!" said a kid wearing a cheongsam over her black vest, rather than the normal Black Dogs girls uniform. Her face was scowling underneath her two pig-tails as she glared at the blond and whiskered White Cat beside her. Another kid who looked to be her twin sister, garbed in similar clothes but with her hair down, was looking at the two head prefects' tryst on the ground with large eyes.

Naruto grinned at the pig-tailed girl, garlands and crowns of flowers in his hand, "whaaat? I'm setting the mood, that's all," he said as he sprinkled more petals above the head prefects. He winked at Cait, "personally, I think it's quite ro- _man-_ dick."

"H-Hey!" the pig-tailed girl started hitting him with her fists. "Stop messing with A-chan!"

Cait, who'd until now been frowning, barked a laugh. A ready grin on his face. Airu, who'd until now been stony-faced, began grimacing.

"Not another one," muttered the Black Dogs head prefect. A pink flower had lodged itself behind his ear.

Standing up and dusting himself, Cait approached Naruto and clapped him on the back, smiling broadly. The Black Dogs head prefect took that time to get up and shake his head at them, before heading into the prefects' room with the two girls. Flower still neatly lodged behind his ear.

"And what brings my favorite junior to my quarters? Masterfully executed by the way," said Cait with a twinkle in his eye.

Naruto preened under the praise and scratched his cheek. He then said, "I was wondering if there's any place I could use as a study area? Hopefully abandoned and with electricity?"

Confusion rippled across the blond prefect's face, "won't the usual hall do?"

"I'm kinda loud while studying. You know, more of a physical learner. So wanted a place to crash at and read for the nights."

Normally, Cait would have refused any such request point-blank. Curfews existed for a reason after all. But given that this underclassman was a special case, and one that he really wanted to see succeed-

The head prefect put his arm around the ninja's shoulder and pulled him closer. "Say, you didn't hear this from me," his eyes flitted about, "but you'll find a rundown dormitory opposite the road leading to town."

"Heh, thanks boss!"

Cait smiled, liking the sound of that. He continued, "keep your affairs all hush-hush and quiet though. Wouldn't want the neighbors to complain now, do we? And I'll trust you to be back in the dorm an hour before midnight."

Naruto gave him a thumbs-up. "You got it, boss!"

Exchanging another hearty laugh with the whiskered blond, the head prefect sent him off. Ahh, now that he thought about it maybe he shouldn't have recommended a place just a street away from the Black Dogs dorm.

Shaking his head, he made his way back to his quarters. He was probably overthinking things. It would be _fine_.

What's the worst that could happen?

* * *

_Some time next week in the aforementioned establishment_

A Princess and a childhood friend walked into an abandoned building...

"I will eat your _brains_!" groaned a horde of brain dead zombies as they crawled towards the two girls, hobbling forward one foot at a time.

"Aaaah!" screamed the White Cat and the Black Dog girls as they ran through the dilapidated rooms, away from the crowd of the enterprising undead, who wanted to pinch their noggins and make a meal out of them.

And from the depths of the halls boomed a voice, reciting in the manner of ritualistic prayers, the kind where a well built zealot, possibly sporting a six-pack and a bald dome, scampers about the room going 'ooh!' and 'aah!'

"A squared plus B squared plus twice A and B equals A plus B whole squared!"

The zombies repeated after the voice in a tortured mantra.

"Whole squared. Whole squared. Whole squared."

The two screaming girls were left wondering just what the hell had they gotten themselves into!

* * *

**Author's Note: Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.**


	5. Chapter 4 - Fustercluck

**Chapter 4 - Fustercluck**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Boarding School Juliet**

**Author's Note:**

**Names convention**

**People from Touwa and Naruto:-**

**Lastname Firstname**

**Example:- Inuzuka Romio**

**People from the West Duchy:-**

**Firstname Lastname**

**Example:- Juliet Persia**

* * *

_At the entrance of the abandoned dorm, aka Naruto's study hovel, the day after he acquired it_

_"Human? Are you okay?"_

Said Kurama, observing his partner's swaying body with concern. He'd stayed holed up in the rundown building the whole night without a wink of sleep, and was currently dangerously tripping over himself, as he walked in a drunken stupor back to the White Cats dorm.

The blond ninja yawned with his mouth wide, blinking tears out of his eyes, his sclera had long gone red with sleeplessness. He glared at the sun, willing it to go down for a few more hours, casting upon it aspersions of being biased against night owls. How much was it bribed with? And how far down history did the conspiracy run?

_"From the beginning of time?"_

The Uzumaki's eyes narrowed. The plot thickens.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!" sang a rooster, flapping its wings and plucking along the grassy sidewalk.

Crying at the stark reminder that, yes, it indeed was morning. The downtrodden blond limped along his way. He'd better show his face to his roommate, Scott, before the boy began asking after him. Sage knew the boy would be all too happy to make a deal out of it. That Persia nut. Why the hell did Persia set him up with that guy again?

_"Because she trusts both your stupidity?"_

The Uzumaki's gaze became calculating. Taking advantage of a pervert's devotion to the craft? Hmm. Not bad. But no matter. Naruto grinned a tired and delirious grin. Two could play that game! All he had to do was transform into the object of the pervert's desires, and then he'd dance to his tune! Hooker, line and sinker! The definitive anti-pervert solution.

_"Eh, you got two out of three right."_

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

Naruto groaned, was that rooster following him? Did it want to avenge its ancestors in his belly? Was this the chicken uprising? Will it start raining eggs? These were the kinds of questions that kept him up at nights. But because calculus ate his night like a champ at a gourmet all you can eat buffet, these questions now ate his sanity in the morning.

_"You're a special kind of human, aren't you? No wonder I like you."_

Naruto chuckled. Though it made him incredibly happy that his partner was feeling lovey-dovey, it saddened him that he had to end it right there. Mangy old foxes just weren't his type. It pained his heart, knowing that his good friend, who'd been alone for who knows how many centuries, had to be friend-zoned by him. Maybe if he were secretly a girl with a fox ears and a tai-"

_"No! Stop! Stop right there! You will_ not _make me a capture target!"_

Naruto pouted. Come _on_ fox-girls were-

_"La la la la! Not listening!"_

Naruto grumbled. Party pooper.

_"The only party will be the rave at your grave if you keep this up!"_

Naruto became teary eyed. Till death do them part! Nobody got him better than his partner! Now why couldn't he just be a hot foxy lady-

_"Aaargh!"_

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

"Aaargh!"

Naruto screamed, and whirled back at the cocky bastard staring at him with unblinking eyes. The rooster bobbed its head as it walked, grooving to his misery and styling all over his pain.

The Uzumaki's eyes narrowed, as he crouched and observed the rooster. He licked his lips as a savage grin took over his face. His heart thirsted for justice, and his stomach craved for chicken wings.

Naruto pounced.

It was time for breakfast.

* * *

_The procession before the White Cats dorm_

It was humiliating. It was beyond humiliating. Inuzuka grit his teeth and glared at the ground as the tyrant Princess made him crouch on all fours like an animal and plopped herself atop his back, parading him before the assembled Dogs and Cats.

Cutting a figure which most women would be envious of, the first Princess of the West Duchy, Chartreux Westia, made for an apt definition of the high standards of fairy tale royalty. She wore a tiara atop her short white hair that fell until her jaw, with bangs covering one side of her face that added to her mystique. As one of the smartest students in the whole academy and also one of the most athletic, she was a woman who many would call a perfect ten out of ten... _if_ it wasn't for her sadistic personality.

Princess Char maliciously grinned as she made a pawn out of the dog under her.

Feeling like absolute shit, Inuzuka peeked a glance at his friends and his heart sank at the disappointed looks being sent his way. Hasuki's confused gaze, which asked him just what he was doing, hurt the most. So he turned his head the other way. And there he saw Persia giving him a puzzled frown, looking for all the world like she didn't even wanted to be associated with a degenerate like him.

"Come on, puppy. Faster!" said the white haired Princess, smacking his behind with a riding crop.

Inuzuka growled, whipping his head up at her. If that she-devil thought he'd obey her every command-

"Hm, you need some motivation?" said the Princess. She thrust her hand into her blouse, which hugged a top contender of a chest in terms of bust size, and slowly took out an envelope, "Maybe we should pass around some pictures-"

"Woof! Woof!" Inuzuka happily barked and increased the pace, galloping like a happy dog let loose upon innocent bystanders on the beach. His tongue hung out to lick the world in joy.

The peanut gallery had _words_ for this display.

With the Black Dogs-

"Inuzuka-kun, what are you doing?" said Hasuki to herself, her hands twisting with worry. No way Inuzuka would do this unless forced. Right?

"Man's gone crazy for boobs. Just a flash and he becomes trash. Pathetic," spat a Black Dog.

"This guy's our leader?"

"Let's get outta here, we don't need to see this."

With the White Cats-

"I didn't realize he was so shallow…" Persia said with a thin glare at Inuzuka who was now rolling over and playing dead, while the Princess cooed over him and scratched his head. But part of her didn't really believe what she was seeing, she'd meet with him and get the facts later. She pursed her lips and stared between her own chest and the Princess', and had to ask herself the question, did size matter?

"Ho ho ho, observe the powers of our Princess' bountiful bosom," Scott laughed like a haughty woman, with his hand rubbing his chin.

The Princess turned a bright smile towards Scott and said, pointing at him, "Puppy! Attack the vile pervert! Defend your lady's honor!"

"Grawr!"

Inuzuka leaped onto the bespectacled blond and ripped into him, biting and scratching with growls. Scott's pleas of mercy were like music to the Princess' ears.

Smiling with satisfaction and standing up, Chartreux Westia fanned herself with the envelope containing the damning evidence of Inuzuka's forbidden relationship. How lucky for her, that she chanced upon him and Persia meeting each other carelessly in broad daylight.

All was well in the world. She had herself a new servant, and she'd have Persia right where she belonged.

It was like a weight had lifted from her shoulders-

And settled on her head.

"Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck."

Princess Char blinked, swiping her eyes from left to right. What the deuce? Where had that come from? And why was her head suddenly heavier than usual? Was her new tiara heavier than she'd thought?

"-asukee-" A faint voice screamed from the distance.

"P-Princess Char?" Char glanced at Persia as the girl addressed her. "O-on your head," said Persia, trying to stifle a giggle, with a hand over her mouth.

"–you clucking bastard–!" The faint voice was getting ever so closer.

Char tilted her head back and glanced up, and the back of a rooster roosting on her head greeted her. She quickly plucked it off with her hand and gave it a curious look, holding it before her.

"Well, dinner serves itself I suppose," she smirked at the bird, prodding at its head.

The bird responded in kind by swiping the envelope with its beak and leaping out of her grip.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

It cried in victory as it bounded away with the incriminating pictures, its wings flapping in celebration. Disappearing behind the bushes it left behind a bamboozled princess, shocked at having her goods purloined by food.

"Sasukeeee!" A blond boy came screaming out of the main road and stopped before the dorm, his eyes were mad with anger, and had the bags of sleeplessness. He whipped his head all over, and stopped when he spotted Inuzuka looking between the princess and the bushes with wide eyes.

"Inuzuka!" The blond snapped, "where's Sasuke!"

"Who?"

"The chicken!"

"It has a name?"

"Look, there's cocky bastards. And then there's Sasuke."

"What? You named it?"

"Not the point! Where did it go!"

"Those bushes."

"…do we have snakes on the island?"

"Yeah?"

"Goddamn it! Not again! Get back here, Sasuke!"

Naruto ran into the bushes, to prevent his bird friend from becoming someone else's happy meal.

Snapping out of his daze, Inuzuka bounded after the blond on all fours, intent on snagging the merch from the fowl thief.

Barking orders to the rest of the White Cats to surround the clearing, Princess Char took off after them, her eyes chagrined at the crime upon her person.

All three hunters were on the prowl, with one common goal overriding their minds.

Winner winner chicken dinner.

* * *

_Uzumaki Naruto_

It was like the valley of the end all over again.

A waterfall roared with the thunder claps of water, as Naruto and Sasuke the rooster, stood on rocks on opposite sides of the bank. The envelope was neatly bound around the bird's neck by a ribbon.

Naruto's heart stung as the bastard refused to acknowledge the bond that existed between them. The bond forged through mutual dislike and occasional camaraderie. One whose chains of binding the blond could clearly feel, as his stomach growled once more.

"Don't you dare deny what we have, Sasuke!"

"Cluck cluck cluck."

"Don't tell me it was all a lie! I know you wanted me to follow you! You're my Dahlia Fried Chicken, and you _know_ that."

"Cluck."

"You're coming back with me bastard… Even if I have to drag you back, kicking and screaming."

The rooster raised its beak in challenge. "Cluck cluck."

Naruto raised his sack of cloth, ready to capture and retrieve.

They both ran towards each other on the ankle deep lake. Screaming each other's names, pitting their determination and spirits against each other.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

"Sasuke!"

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

"Sasuke!"

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

"Sasuke!"

They met right at the middle and unleashed their attacks.

But right as Naruto was about to bag the bird, recent memories flashed before his eyes. How the rooster had waited for him to catch up, that damn cocky smirk as if it were saying 'catch up, I'm not gonna wait forever', how it'd lead him straight to the dorm…

Naruto's eyes widened. Wait, it'd lead him straight to the dorm? And in record time too! Holy crap, it was trying to save his ass. He'd been so blind!

Lost in his meditations, Naruto slipped on a rock and fell forwards.

"Aah!"

The rooster struck a devastating blow with its foot, right in the blond's face.

"Aah!"

Losing his balance, the blond fell back into the deeper parts of the lake, the current sweeping him away. He lost consciousness as water rushed into his mouth.

"Sasu…ke…" he gurgled, before he blacked out.

Flapping its wings in a panic, the rooster dove in after him, its body moving on its own. It'd just found the funniest human ever in its life, and he wanted to die already?

No clucking way.

It swam against the current and miraculously managed to grab onto the blond's uniform with its beak, and began hauling the boy back to the shore.

It wondered what the transparent red stuff flowing into its body was. Whatever it was, it sure made pulling the human a lot easier!

An unknown voice echoed in its head.

_"Well, well, well. What do we have here?"_

The rooster suddenly felt very very afraid.

Why did it feel like a big red fox was grinning at it with a salivating mouth?

* * *

_At the elementary school animal nursery_

Two young Touwan students were counting the chicken roaming the nursery ground.

"Aww, the rooster's still missing," said a girl with two tiny pigtails. She bonked the boy beside her on the head. "This is all your fault, dummy Kai!"

The boy squawked and rubbed his head. He pouted at the girl, "come on, Kuri, let's just go back. Nobody'll notice it-"

Kuri bonked the boy again. "How does that help! We were left in charge, and _you_ forgot to close the gate." She huffed and put her hands on her hips. "Seriously Kai, it's not hard to close a gate."

The boy mumbled under his breath, "but I thought I heard Crossdressman…"

The girl frowned, she'd turned her head away for a moment and the next day Kai'd become a fan of crossdressing. She was grateful for the crossdressing boy who'd saved her brother, but he really had to consider the kind of influence his actions would have. Because now she had a brother who wouldn't shut up about fashion magazines and the latest trends.

She sighed sadly. She really didn't know what to make of it. If only nee-chan was here, she'd know what to do.

"Hey, hey, we didn't check the high school grounds right?" said Kai, perking up and smiling.

"Yeah?" said Kuri, wondering what made him suddenly happy?

Kai beamed at her, with stars in his eyes. "We might spot Crossdressman there!"

"Y-Yeah." Kuri sweatdropped. Figures that's what he was thinking about rather than retrieving the rooster.

Grabbing her hand the boy dragged her towards the high school block with a grin. Who knows, maybe Crossdressman was fighting supervillains at this very moment.

He didn't want to miss it for the world!

* * *

_With the rooster_

_"You're nothing but food."_

The bird hopped drunkenly on the cobblestones of the road. It kept hearing a voice.

_"Your brethren are trapped, caged, processed."_

It wasn't a very good voice. It shook its head trying to shake off the red it was seeing.

It was hard to see. Everything was bathed in red.

_"Don't you want to get back at them? Your jailers."_

The rooster hopped on top of a fountain, and ducked its head in the water. Trying to clear its head.

_"Why don't you end it all… Take back what's yours…"_

Splashing it's head out the water, the rooster blinked up at the sun.

It didn't understand what it was hearing.

_"Doesn't it anger you?"_

"Cluck…"

_"Doesn't it enrage you?"_

The rooster hopped down the fountain, onto the cobblestone road, and stared at the ground.

_"To be a_ damn _tool, to be someone else's means! To not even be yourself!"_

"Cluck…"

The bird began beating its wings in agitation. A fire grew inside it. An all consuming flame of ambition.

_"Forget humans, forget animals. Why the hell do you even exist? Why the hell do I exist?"_

"Buck buck buck…"

The rooster's voice become more deeper and throaty.

It wanted to be free…

It didn't want to die…

It wanted to play more with that funny human…

_"Do you want power?"_

"Buck buck…"

The rooster nodded.

_"Do you want to ravage the land?"_

"Buck?"

The rooster tilted its head. Was that some type of food? It didn't sound very tasty.

_"Eh, what? Then what the hell do you want power for?"_

"Buck buck buck!"

The rooster bobbed it's head. Why, for the lady chicks of course! They loosened their feathers in a jiffy when a power cock was around!

_"Why the heck do I even bother! Does nobody do world domination anymore!"_

"Buck!"

The rooster jumped. Was that some new sort of game! Because if so, he was game! He wanted another go at the funny human!

_"…yeah. Yeah, I can work with that. It's a game alright, you small smart sack of meat."_

"Buck-Buck!"

_"Now… here's what you gotta do-"_

The rooster listened intently to the voice in its head. Nodding every now and then.

Two small humans with black clothes came into view, running towards it from the main road.

"Buck?" The rooster tilted its head.

_"Yes, they'll do nicely. Mwhahaha- Gahahaha- Ahahahaha!"_

Kurama laughed. Soon, he would once again taste the thrill of battle. No longer would he waste away in the monotony of his partner's schooling subterfuge.

And by the Sage, he was gonna make a superhero out of him.

_"Go, power-ninja go. Let's go!"_

He just had to make sure the idiot's alter-ego was cool and not something stupid.

Like Crossdressman or something.

Kurama barked a laugh.

No way his partner was that dumb.

The fox snapped his finger.

"Bu-Bu-Buuuuck!"

An aura of red chakra surrounded the bird. The air popped as cloud of chakra burst.

Taking with it the bird-

_"I dub thee–"_

And birthing a masked villain wearing a black mask over it's head, and a red flowing cape over its brown feathers.

_"Commander Cockerel!"_

Commander Cockerel clucked with giddiness, jumping and flapping its wings.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

_"Now kidnap those kids!"_

"Buck-buck!"

Two unsuspecting kids were thus kidnapped.

In a cruel twist of irony, the bird-nabbers, became the kid-nabbed.

"Crossdressman! Save us!" screamed the boy, distraught with happiness at the possibility of _really_ meeting his hero.

"Kai shut up and help me with this rope!" said the girl, as the rooster dragged the rope bound kids away towards the main courtyard.

It was gonna be a battle of epic proportions.

* * *

_The lake shore_

"Crossdressman!" A young boy's yell traveled through the air.

The whiskered blond's ears twitched. He was lying on the wet sand with his clothes all drenched, and brown feathers randomly sticking to his uniform at places.

"Save us!"

The blond blearily opened his eyes, blinking heavily. Someone was… in danger…

"Aaah! Is that boiling water!" screamed a young girl.

Groaning, the blond clutched his head. He had to… move…

"Oh my god, it's making soup!" the boy yelled. "I _hate_ soup!"

Naruto found himself nodding. Yeah, that did sound pretty horrifying. He winced as a sharp stab of pain ran through his head. He was never gonna stay awake past midnight again.

The young boy yelled.

"Save us, Crossdressman!"

The ninja's eyes shot open.

"We don't wanna become human stew!"

The ninja jumped to his feet.

The young boy's voice broke down into sobs.

"Waah! All I wanted was to meet you Crossdressman!"

The ninja formed his hand-seal.

"And now I'm gonna die before even getting your autograph!"

Naruto yelled.

"Crossdressing no Justu!"

Crossdressman smiled. The smoke around him cleared as his costume became visible to the eye. A red facemask covered his eyes and brow, with an orange flame rising up his hair. With a proud and bouncy chest, and broad and strong shoulders, the hero of the hour closed his eyes, sensing for the whereabouts of those in peril.

Clad in a black dress, in the likeness of his initial debut, and an orange cape billowing in the wind behind him, Crossdressman did _not_ paint the picture of the typical superhero.

He was not the hero we deserved, but the one we needed.

But then again, never judge a book by its cover.

Opening his eyes, having pinpointed the location of the kids, Crossdressman grinned and disappeared in a poof of smoke, bellowing out the words.

"Whether it's livening up your birthday or holding villains at bay, Crossdressman will come save the day!"

* * *

_In the main courtyard_

Kai and Kuri dangled off a tree, tied in rope, above a pot of boiling water with cut carrots, some corn, and bird feed.

"How did it turn out like this?" said Kuri, eyeing the steaming cauldron with a gulp.

While Kai was goggling at the intense action going on the ground. "This is just like TV!" He exclaimed, finding the bright side in the state of affairs. "Wow!"

The street was littered with battered and bruised White Cats, all who'd been beaten in line of duty. However downtrodden they were at being defeated by a little chicken, their eyes shone with admiration as they watched their Princess fight on.

Char dodged yet another dive bomb by the hopping menace of a bird, and returned the favor with a flurry of tennis balls shot from her racket, which were thrown in the air for her by Scott.

"Stand still you infernal beast!" she roared as she hit smash after smash, all aimed to perfection to take out the masked villain.

"Buck-buck-buck!" Commander Cockerel dodged each and every shot, leaving behind red afterimages of itself if one looked hard enough.

The Princess cursed, having run out of balls to hit. "Ball-boy!" she commanded, turning to him with an incensed look.

"Yes, ma'am!" said Scott, and threw himself upon the task of restocking her ammunition. He began bagging all the scattered balls on the ground.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!" The villainous cock chose that lull in attack to hurl itself at the Princess like a meteor.

Char cursed and dove to the side, but her eyes widened.

As the bird changed trajectory and headed straight for her while she was still suspended in midair. Pulling her limbs closer she braced herself for impact-

"Dynamic Entry!"

Commander Cockerel clashed with a flying kick that'd come out of nowhere, and both it and the figure that'd launched the strike struggled to overpower each other before they kicked off and flipped backward to recover.

Crouched on the ground, Princess Char looked at her seeming savior, only to be blinded by the sheer ridiculous image they made.

Crossdressman turned to her with a beaming smile and a resplendent thumbs-up. "Never fear! Crossdressman is here!"

Faced with the sheer _fortune_ of being witness to a fashion disaster and the mortification of being rescued by an apparent maniac, Princess Char felt implored to speak her mind.

"…"

Char's mouth moved, but no words came out.

"…"

Frowning, she'd tried again, but to no avail.

Crossdressman let out a booming laugh and patted her on the head. "Took the words right out of your mouth did I?" He winked at her. "I'll stay behind for a picture if you'd like, after I take care of business."

The remaining White Cats stared with horror as the dressed figure patronized the tyrant princess. Scott yelled at him.

"Uzumaki, you idiot! That's our princess you're petting like a plaything!"

The red-masked hero grinned at the bespectacled boy, and turned to the Princess with a twinkle in his eye. "A princess huh?" He put a finger under her chin and leaned down closer, speaking in a husky voice. "I suppose I'll have to give her the _royal_ treatment then, eh?" He smiled saucily with a raised brow.

"…I will order your execution." Said the girl, her mouth finally obeying her. She stared back at him with a incensed glare.

The hero grinned. "Consider me _slain_ by your beauty." He joked with a snicker, and then turned away to face the rest of the crowd with a hearty laugh.

The Princess was shaking her head in disbelief with puzzled eyes. No one _dared_ talk to her like that. She was more puzzled than insulted by the audacity of the skirt wearing oddball. And it shamed her to admit that his comments did bring some color to her cheeks, but she schooled it like professional royalty.

Her eyes narrowed in thought, why did this seem familiar. She pondered that question as she slowly got up and dusted her skirt.

The rest of the White Cats were staring in awe at the sheer balls of the boob flaunting crossdresser. They all knew it was the Uzumaki. They wondered if they'd see him again by nighttime. The utter fool _flirted_ with the demon Princess. He was either the most utterly gutsy person in the world, or the most insane crackpot in existence.

Crossdressman asked the crowd a question. "By the way, who is this Uzumaki you speak of?" He snickered. "Sounds like a great guy! Hahaha!"

The White Cats sweatdropped. Yeah, he was a crackpot.

Uzumaki Naruto arrived on the scene. Carrying with him a bundle of towels, a first aid kit, and lots of refreshments packed in a picnic basket. He panted as he set the things down. "I got the goods, Crossdressman!"

"Splendid, my boy!" Crossdressman smiled with approval. "Now take care of the good folks, and let them enjoy the show as I put this villain down for the count!"

The White Cats collectively blinked. What the? That _wasn't_ the whiskered blond?

Passing around the towels, cool drinks, and packed lunches to the downed White Cat warriors, who were trying in vain to whisper him warnings regarding the tiara wearing girl, Naruto stopped before the Princess, offering her some sandwiches.

The blond smiled as the Princess took the offerings with a bemused frown. "I haven't seen you around here before, Miss…?" He trailed off.

"I'm your Princess." Said the girl with an imperious and haughty huff of air, turning her nose up.

Naruto whistled. "Oho? So forward?" He chuckled as he draped a towel over her head. "At least take me out for a date before becoming my princess?"

The whole ensemble of White Cats choked on their breath. Scott started gaping like a fish. The Princess' brow had disappeared behind her white bangs.

"I-I'm Chartreux Westia! First Princess of the West Duchy!" She said, shooting forward and yelling in his face. Seeing the blond shrink into himself under her outburst, she schooled her features and gave him a cold yet pristine glare. "You don't even recognize the face of your Prin-… your _country's_ Princess?"

The Uzumaki gulped and gave her a weak grin. "You're much more dazzling in real life?"

Char's eye started twitching.

"Your pictures fail to capture your elegance?" continued Naruto.

Her anger was beginning to get apoplectic.

Scott appeared behind the Uzumaki and slapped the back of his head. "Shut up! You're only angering Princess Char!"

Rubbing his head Naruto let out a last one, "Char? Is that short for charming?" He chuckled and faced the Princess, "I'm charmed to meet you?"

A calm had settled over the Princess as she observed her lapdog, Scott, grab the mouthy blond in a choke hold and drag him away, exclaiming apologies on the other blond's behalf. There was only so much outrage could do, and it wouldn't help her any now. She would deal with the impertinent boy later, she turned her gaze to the masked hero and villain who were exchanging blows, she first had to secure the photos which she'd carelessly allowed to be stolen from her.

Crossdressman skid back on the ground as the bird delivered a devastating headbutt to his arms, crossed before his chest in a guard. Wiping a trail of blood off his cheek, he grinned at the bird as it flapped its wings and hung in the air.

He snapped his fingers and disappeared in a poof of smoke.

Startled, the rooster twisted its head in all direction, trying to spot the human.

The masked hero's voice echoed. "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"Buck?"

"Because it didn't want to be sealed!"

Crossdressman popped in behind the bird and stuck a paper with symbols on its back.

"Buck!" The rooster panicked as the red aura around it began draining into the paper. It felt itself get weaker as it fell to the ground.

Catching the bird, Crossdressman asked, "what comes first? The chicken or the egg?"

The bird blinked at him.

The masked hero smiled, petting the bird. "Friends come first," he said with a wink. Leaning down he whispered, "don't think I forgot about you rescuing me, Sasuke."

"Cluck cluck!" The rooster ruffled its feathers and lightly pecked the hero's hands, the last of the red aura draining off it.

Chuckling, Crossdressman slowly undid the bird's costumed, revealing the brown rooster underneath.

"Hand it over, immediately!" A voice barked at the duo.

"Wha?"

"Cluck?"

Crossdressman and the rooster gave the Princess puzzled looks, staring at her expectant hand.

"The thing around its neck!" she said, with a sense of urgency, shuffling closer to them to block off the others' view.

Bemused, Crossdressman undid the ribbon holding the envelope aloft and passed it to the Princess who heaved a sigh of relief and opened it.

Princess Char's face paled as she read the rumpled and slightly drenched note she found inside instead of the pictures she was expecting. The note read-

"Since when did chicken know how to tie ribbons around their own necks? XD! Now let's see you try and blackmail me! …actually, by the time you find this let's just say I might have a surprise for you! XD! Peace out!"

Tearing the note to shreds, she immediately took off for the dorm, growling under her breath. That dog wouldn't _dare_. She scowled. Who was she kidding? He definitely would.

"Huh?" Crossdressman mused as he set the kids who'd been dangling over the pot of soup down on the ground. "That was weird," he muttered to himself, watching the Princess brisk walk away.

The kids immediately latched onto his legs once freed, cowering from the rooster which was harmlessly pecking the ground in search for worms.

They shrieked.

"Aah! Demon bird!"

"Get it away! Get it away!"

The White Cats began congregating around them, adding to the cacophony.

"Somebody catch that bird!"

"It's not natural I tells ya!"

Naruto grabbed Scott and asked him with all seriousness.

"Scott! What does the scouter say about its power level!"

Scott crushed a soda can and yelled with a glare.

"It's over nine thousaaand!"

Everyone paused and stared at the last two boys who'd shouted. Some stares were confused, while others were deadpan.

Scott panicked and pointed at the Uzumaki who was cheekily grinning, "h-he got me into anime! A-After that setup who can resist?" said Scott. Naruto laughed and put his shoulder around the bespectacled boy. Scott sputtered, "h-have some more shame, would you?" he groused, pushing his glasses up his nose.

Crossdressman cleared his throat loudly, catching everyone's attention. On a serious note, he began, "first off… kickass reference, boys!" He and Naruto finger-gunned each other, while Scott groaned and hid his face under his palms.

"And secondly," Crossdressman continued, now giving the assembled White Cats a doubtful smile, "you're telling me a chicken's making you chicken?" The rooster ruffled its feathers and started pecking its wings. "Seems pretty harmless to me," said Crossdressman, crossing his hands.

The White Cats stammered out explanations.

"Come on! No bird is that fast!"

"I saw _afterimages!_ "

"Why the hell was it wearing a costume?"

Crossdressman raised his palm, stopping them. He asked, "you guys got beef with the Black Dogs right?"

The cats nodded hesitantly, some realizing where this was going.

The masked hero smirked at them, "so word gets out that the cats couldn't even catch a rooster, do ya know what kind of rep that'd fetch you?" Crossdressman shook his head, "and besides, how many of you ever worked with animals? And didn't you see movies where the hero trains by catching chicken? Trust me, it's just as hard as it looks."

"B-But what about those kids tied up to the tree?" one White Cat pointed out. "That's not natural, right?"

Crossdressman hummed, and said, "yeah, you're right." He knelt down, placing a hand on the kids heads, ruffling their hair with a friendly smile. He whispered to them, "just roll with what I say, okay? I'll show you something cool later." He winked at them. "It's a promise."

Kai immediately nodded his head with a hopeful smile, while Kuri frowned and nodded cautiously.

Narrowing his eyes, Scott said, "what are you muttering there?"

"Oh, nothing," the masked hero looked up, "just telling them that putting yourself in danger and hoping for a superhero to rescue you isn't very smart."

Kuri's eyes widened and she exploded, "what-"

Kai put his hand over his sister's mouth, "y-yeah! Really sorry, Crossdressman! We just love you so much!" He sagely nodded his head with a wince, trying to ignore his sister biting his fingers, "w-we won't do it again! Yeowch!" He yelped and sprang his hand back to himself. He blew at the bite marks pouting at his sister.

The girl narrowed her eyes at Kai, but on seeing his pleading face softened her gaze. "Hmph!" she whipped her head away from him and glared at Crossdressman.

"Ahaha," Crossdressman chuckled awkwardly, "siblings, am I right?" he said to the high-schoolers.

Scott pursed his lips, he looked between Crossdressman and Naruto, giving them both a suspicious look.

Naruto formed a hand-seal hidden from view.

A woman screamed from the distance.

"Oh deary me! That man just stole my purse! Help me! Somebody!"

His heroic senses tingled, Crossdressman jerked erect. He finger saluted the assembly with a smile that screamed justice, "forgive me, students. But duty calls!" He crouched on the ground, "Crossdressman-" He blasted off with a running start, "away!"

In a cloud of dust, the masked hero disappeared towards the road to the town, as his figure became smaller and smaller.

**Ding Dong Bing Bong**

The academy bell rang just then, indicating the start of the second half of the academic day.

Realizing that they'd spent the whole first half chasing a chicken and missing classes, the White Cats began dispersing in a frenzy.

"Hey, what about these kids," asked a White Cat girl, looking at the elementary kids, "hey guys, what are your names?" she asked, bending down and smiling at them.

"I'm Inugami Kai," said the boy.

"Inugami Kuri" said the girl.

Hearing their names, Naruto's neck snapped to them like a whip. He gave them a piercing and searching look. From his pants he dug out his wallet and he pulled out a few pictures, and looked between them and the kids, eyes widening with each view and review.

"Want me to take you back to the elementary grounds?" asked the White Cat girl.

Pocketing his wallet, Naruto said, "Nah, I got this." He waved her off, "I'll take 'em back. You go on ahead, can't miss class right?"

The girl smiled, thanking him and then left for her class.

Crouching down before the kids, Naruto gently smiled them, "hey guys, pretty exciting day, huh? Wanna sit down and eat some sandwiches before heading back?"

Kai and Kuri exchanged a glance, Kuri spoke, "we're not supposed to take things from strangers," she shook her head.

"Me? I'm not a stranger," said Naruto, giving them both a friendly and slightly fond look, "actually, I'm… waait, let's make it more fun!" He clapped his hands. "Try to guess who I am!"

"Crossdressman?" asked Kai with a expectant smile.

Naruto froze, he looked like a deer caught in headlights. "W-What, that's crazy," he muttered, shaking his head.

"Yeah, Kai," began Kuri, frowning at him. "We saw both of them at the same time, how can they-"

"How did you _know?_ " blurted out Naruto, appraising Kai with a keen gaze, as if he were a super sleuth. "What gave me away? Was it the overacting? I _knew_ I was overdoing it." Naruto punched his fist into his palm and puffed out some air. "Man, kids sure are smart these days."

"Wha…" Kuri trailed off, blinking at him. "Are you joking, senpai?"

"Well, I kinda saw you become two people from the tree," said Kai, rubbed the back of his head.

"…really?" Naruto goggled at him. "When you were dangling?"

"Yeah… You gotta work on hiding your identity, Crossdressman! You're lucky it was me! What if it was a villain!" He gave the rooster which was still pecking at its wings a scared look, "l-like that rooster."

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, I'm pretty lucky it was you. And don't mind little Sasuke here, he's my animal sidekick." Naruto snickered, imagining the human Sasuke's look if he ever got wind of a chicken being named after him. The bastard would probably unlock another level of his eyes. Mang-egg-kyo Sharingan. The blond barked a laugh.

Naruto continued, "he wanted to have some fun, sorry it got you guys involved."

"…this is all going over my head," said Kuri, looking dizzy and leaning onto her brother. "Senpai, why do you dress like a girl?" she frowned with confusion.

"…hey kids, wanna see something cool!" said Naruto, happily ignoring the loaded question. He put his hand out, away from the children, and formed a rasengan on it. "Don't touch it though," he said, keeping his other hand raised to ward them off if they got too close.

The rasengan spun in his hand, the chakra rotating and crashing into itself like a miniature drill. The kids looked at it first with astonishment, and then with a rising sense of wonder.

"Ohh!" Kai exclaimed with amazement.

"S-So pretty!" Kuri squealed, peering at it with starstruck eyes. The rotating ball of destruction looked like a big shiny blue pearl to her. "S-Senpai this is beautiful!"

Naruto let the ball remain for a few seconds before dispersing it, causing the children to deflate and look at him with puppy dog eyes. He chuckled, "hey don't give me that look. Tell you what, follow me to the administrative building will ya? I got something else to show you."

"Cooler than this?" asked Kai, looking up at the older boy as he stood up.

" _Much_ cooler," said the blond with a smile that bounced off the metaphorical walls of excitement like an overly eager child, a smile that said he couldn't wait to reveal what he had in store for them.

The kids exchanged a look, shrugged and followed their senpai like little ducklings. The rooster had found a spot atop the blond's head, it flapped its wings wearily and then huddled into itself for a nap.

They found their way into the student administrative building, and after being scolded by the receptionist for bringing an animal along with them, and assuring her it wouldn't happen again while leaving the rooster with her at her desk, they made their way to the phone booths. The kids still had puzzled frowns, wondering what the teen had to show them.

Naruto made small talk with the kids as he rang the dial and put the receiver over his ear, waiting for the other end to pick up.

"You guys know who I think is the coolest person in the world?" he asked them, his eyes shining a little under the sun's glare.

The siblings tilted their heads in question.

Naruto smiled, "my mom. She's simply the best, ya know? I never really got to spend any time with her." The boy's smile grew wistful, "but the more and more I found out about her? From my sensei, from the few people who knew her, the more I felt, wow, I'm sure lucky I could even spend a few precious moments with her. I mean, we're talking about the pranking _queen_ here. How could I not admire that?" The blond chuckled, with a sense of longing as he gazed out the window. "I really wish I could see her one more time."

The kids became subdued, hearing that. They shuffled closer to each other and held their hands.

Naruto continued, "so, then when I found out there's actually a mom out there, with kids she loves, and whose kids love her back, but she couldn't be next to them, and hug them, and smile, and laugh with them," the blond ran a palm through his hair, "all because of some crappy shit that got in the way. I thought, hey, this stinks, let's do something about it. For real."

"S-Senpai," said Kuri. She hiccuped as she rubbed her eyes, wiping away nascent tracts of tears. "W-What are you saying?"

"S-Shut up, senpai," said Kai, glaring at the blond. "Don't make Kuri cry." He sniffed his runny nose.

Naruto smiled at them and put a finger to his lips, and pointed to the phone receiver.

He spoke into it.

"Hey there, gorgeous. Miss me?" The Uzumaki grinned.

A woman's voice flitted through the receiver.

"Aww, come on, I had _tons_ of stuff to do. But I could never forget you. I'm here, aren't I?" said Naruto. He grouched, "you're the lady who got on my ass and sent me to school, you hold a _very_ special place in my heart. You're gonna have to take responsibility you know?"

Kai and Kuri heard the woman laugh, their brows furrowed at the familiarity of the sound.

The blond huffed, "yeah yeah, have your fun," he spoke to the receiver. "Anyway, I got a surprise for you," he passed the receiver to the kids, making them hold it in-between them. He gave them an encouraging smile, "go on, just say hi," he whispered.

Holding the phone together, the siblings shared an unsure look before they brought the phone closer to their ears and spoke.

"Hello?" they said together.

There was startled silence on the other end.

The woman's voice came out in a rush.

"K-Kai! Kuri! I-Is that you!"

The siblings jerked back in shock, before they each started greedily pulled the receiver to themselves.

"M-Mama!"

"M-Mama, is that you!"

"W-Where are you, mama!"

"Please come back, we miss you!"

"W-We love you, mama!"

Turning his head away with a smile, Naruto headed out of the booth area, giving the Inugami family their privacy. From what he could hear of Vermie's voice, the woman was practically bathing in happiness right now.

His own heart clenched, as he lounged at a nearby window, looking out at the academy. He wanted to talk to his mom too, he wanted to do that so much it felt like a chidori being driven into his chest again.

_"Human…"_ The nine tails muttered inside his mind, sounding remorseful.

"Isn't this shitty, Kurama?" said the blond, not caring if anyone heard him. "This cycle of hatred, it sucks major balls."

_"Yeah… It sucks."_

"How do we do it, Kurama?" said Naruto, his eyes clenching with frustration. "How do we begin the cycle of love?"

_"I… I don't know."_

"We're gonna do it, Kurama." Naruto, narrowed his eyes. "We're gonna find it. The answer. Whether it is ninshuu, or whether it is something else. We're gonna show that crummy old sage how it's done."

_"I got your back, partner."_

Naruto smiled and looked up at the sun.

His goal was set, and he was gonna make it happen.

He was gonna make love to the world.

_"Erm, phrasing, human."_ said the Kyuubi, snickering lightly.

He was gonna play for the other team.

_"…I know you mean playing against hate. But still, hah, phrasing."_

He was gonna make all the moms in the world happy.

_"Pfft. T-That's- T-That's- Bwhahahaah!"_ The Kyuubi lost his shit and began howling with laughter.

Naruto frowned with confusion. Was it something he said?

_"O-Oh! O-Oh my Sage, you're the best! Bwhahaha!"_

Naruto sighed wistfully. It was great that his partner loved him. Now if only he were a cute girl with fox ears and a pretty-

_"Aargh!"_ The Kyuubi screamed, his container's imagination slamming into him full force.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!" The rooster cried near the reception area.

"Aargh!" Naruto cradled his head, and groaned. The tragedy of his sleep loss slamming into him full force.

The blond swore to himself, he was never gonna stay up late again!

Sleep would be his sword, and dreams would be his shield.

But for now, the blond content himself with a smile, hearing the kids giggling in the phone booth.


	6. Chapter 5 - Countdown to Midterm Madness

**Chapter 5 - Countdown to Midterm Madness**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Boarding School Juliet**

**Author's Note:**

**Names convention**

**People from Touwa and Naruto:-**

**Lastname Firstname**

**Example:- Inuzuka Romio**

**People from the West Duchy:-**

**Firstname Lastname**

**Example:- Juliet Persia**

* * *

_3 Days_

Chartreux Westia, lay on her bed staring at the ceiling and hugging her pillow. Her roommate was nowhere to be seen, and that fact made her grumble angrily under her breath. Her hands longed to wring the neck of a certain irritating Black Dog, the very same she'd found huddled in her room and going through her hidden collection of her roommate's photos, going all the way from their childhood years until the present day. She'd made sure to capture all her roommate's cutest moments to be stored and preserved unto eternity.

Knowing that the annoying Black Dog had infiltrated her sanctuary irked her like nothing else.

Greeting her with a carefree smile when she'd returned to her dorm room, he had the gall to ask if he could borrow some of the pictures.

The Princess tsk'd and palmed her face, trying to ignore the feeling that something precious of hers was being stolen right in front of her.

But what could she do? Force the issue? Make demands? She could, but then what would she end up with? One beloved friend less, if she was lucky, and the same friend's life being ruined if she were unlucky.

Chartreux smiled tiredly, that silly girl just had to go and get herself romantically involved with a brigand from another country. No matter, she would still support her. Well, not the relationship itself, but at least she'd watch over her and make sure she doesn't end up in any holes she can't climb out of.

But the Black Dog was on his own. As long as his fate didn't affect her friend's, she would be all too happy to let him suffer any and all consequences. She scowled. It was the least he deserved for being the reason of her present heartache.

And speaking of friends, she finally understood what was so oddly familiar about that blond boy's behavior. Just like her roommate when they were children, he had the guts to mouth off to her. Flirt even.

Oh he indeed seemed scared at first when he understood exactly who she was, but he didn't hesitate to call her 'Princess Charming' when he dramatically bowed to her in the mess hall at last night's dinner. Tiptoeing towards her like a ballet dancer, the boy had spun on his toes and presented her a bouquet of flowers in a flourish, cutting a debonair pose with a rose in his mouth. That was his way of apologizing apparently.

She wasn't aware that roguish smiles counted as expressions of apology nowadays.

Princess Char smirked. Maybe if she'd been younger she'd have swooned to that, but men of royalty trying to court her was a common occurrence to her once she'd hit the minimum acceptable age where trying to court a young girl wasn't frowned upon by the nobility.

This blond didn't seem to have any ulterior motive however, other than getting his ear pulled off by her roommate. Seriously seemed to have a penchant for it. She observed at least three times in the past day where she could spot his ear in peril.

The Princess snickered. It would be interesting to see what the blond boy would do next. It would amuse her if nothing else.

Dling-Dling.

"O _shining_ swan under the moon,

With oodles of brains to spare,"

Dling-Dling.

"O _sparking_ flower under the sun

Your study notes won't you share,"

Princess Char sat up in her bed, her eyes wide at the musical chords being strummed outside the door.

Dling-Dling.

"O _sweet_ friend of mine,

your kindness most pure and divine,"

Dling-Dling.

"O _true_ dear of mine,

Under your guidance I will shine,"

Getting on her feet, the Princess slowly walked over to the door. It was her first time being serenaded in school. And for her study notes no less. She smiled whimsically, whoever was behind the door she had to see. They'd make a splendid court jester.

Dling-Dling.

"So _become_ mine, _become_ mine,

Tutor _mine_ , tutor _mine_ ,

Our stars _align_ , our stars _align_ ,

So _become_ mine, tutor _mine-_ "

"Oh my god, Uzumaki!" Another voice cut off the singing voice, sounding horrified. "What in the world are you doing!"

The Princess stopped before the door, leaning her ear before the gap in the door to hear better. By now she was grinning ear to ear, having identified the blond boy playing the musician.

"Yo, Scotty! Wassup, my man-"

"Yo yourself! Do you have a death wish! What are you doing in the girl's half of the dorm?!"

"…right back atcha, buddy!"

"N-Never mind that! We need to leave immediately!

"Wha? Wait, I'm not done yet- H-Hey, let go!"

"C-Come on! The Princess will eat us alive if she's behind that door! And she's in a bad mood lately! You _don't_ want to be her dog when she's on a warpath!"

Princess Char's heart warmed as she snickered. That Scott, he knew just what to say to a girl. It was nice, knowing that he cared in his own lapdog way.

"Huh? The Princess is in a bad mood? What happened?"

"How should I know! Maybe it's just that time of the month…"

The Princess' smile became a tad more predatory. Oh that Scott, he knew _just_ what to say to a girl. She'll make sure to reward him handsomely.

"But-but, I still need a tutor."

"I'll tutor you! Now come on!"

"Nah, you suck! I asked you to help me with language studies, and you made me write a two thousand words essay on 'Lady Persia and her many virtues.' I-I couldn't see her in the face after that! I-It was like I wrote her a love letter!"

"Hmph! The more words dedicated to Lady Persia's heavenly qualities the better I say."

"I concur," chimed in a third voice.

Scott froze and fearfully turned his head to the door, and found a smirking Princess leaning against the open door to her dorm-room.

"Hello, boys," said Princess Char, fanning herself with her palm, pretending to go weak in the knees, "my my, come to whisk me off my feet have you? Well if you're so insistent, how can my maiden's heart deny?" She gave them an evil smirk. Turning her gaze to Scott, she grinned as he flinched and started sweating. Pointing at the floor with her finger, she said, "down, boy."

A boy shaped bench readily presented itself.

Plopping herself on Scott's back, the Princess folded a knee over the other and faced the Uzumaki, who was scratching his head uncomfortably at his roommate's position in the pecking order.

"Now then, before you make any request, that love letter if you please?" said the Princess, an expectant hand raised out.

"W-What?" Naruto blinked, an ukulele slung over his shoulders. "You heard all that?" He frowned, "it ain't nice to eavesdrop you know?"

Princess Char smiled innocently, "eavesdrop? Such a harsh word. I was merely listening to the voice of the people." She put a hand over her heart, looking serene, "it's my duty as a Princess to know the hearts of the masses." She ground her elbow into Scott's back, making him yelp, "oh dear, my apologies, doggy. It's just that time of the month you see."

Scott gulped, "y-you heard?"

The Princess giggled.

"P-Please be gentle," the boy begged her through comical tears.

The Princess laughed and patted his head. "I could spare you," she looked at the Uzumaki, " _if_ you cough up that love letter you spoke of."

"Do it, Uzumaki!" Scott implored him, "my life is in your hands!"

Naruto shifted uncomfortably, "ah, umm... Scott, believe in yourself. You're much stronger than you think-"

"You cannot be serious," said the bespectacled boy, giving him a betrayed look.

"We... we only grow through hardship, Scott." Naruto knelt and put a hand on the boy's shoulder, squeezing it in support. "I will never forget you, my friend." Naruto choked a sob and took off running, tears trailing after him dramatically.

"U-Uzumaki! Get back here!" The bespectacled boy reached out for his only hope which was getting farther and farther away. "Don't leave me! At least take my battered body back to our room!"

The Princess leaned down, snaking her arm around his neck, almost hugging him. She whispered in his ear, "looks like it's just you and me Scott. Not a very loyal friend, was he?" The boy began shivering. Smirking, Princess Char continued, "let's see, for starters how about a hundred laps around-"

"Oh my god!"

The Princess lift her head at the voice that shouted in the hallway. She saw a grinning Naruto, who winked at her. As the White Cats began pouring into the corridor at his yell, he continued, pointing a finger at her compromising position.

"Princess Char and Scott are getting it on in the hallway!"

The White Cats that had filtered in looked at where the whiskered blond was pointing and widened their eyes in surprise. To them it was like the Princess was cradling the bespectacled boy's head to her chest and was leaning down for a kiss.

The girls screamed excitedly.

"Kyaaa!"

"Oh my! So romantic!"

"Doing it in public, how lewd!"

The boys gave Scott respectful nods.

"Our boy can tame a lioness, who knew?"

"So _that's_ why the Princess always picks on him?"

"Bow chicka bow wow!"

Eyes wide and going tense at the attention on her the Princess tightened her hold on the boy, making his face go blue and gasp for air.

"Aww, look at that," Naruto squealed with his hands on his cheeks, "she's taking his breath away." He gave the Princess a lopsided grin, "ain't that just _cute?_ "

This triggered another round of excited screams from the girls.

And _that_ startled Scott to finally lose his balance and slip over his hand which held him up. He paled imagining what the Princess would do to him if he let her fall, and so twisted his body so that he caught her in his arms before he fell on his back.

The bespectacled boy gulped and slowly opened his eyes.

He found a startled Princess staring right back at him with big eyes and crimson cheeks, her chin resting on his chest. She blinked slowly, as if coming to terms that she was sprawled on top of a boy who was hugging her protectively.

The corridor had gone silent. Everyone gaping at yet another unbelievable sight.

Naruto reignited the spark, whooping his hand.

"Atta boy, Scott! Woohoo!"

Roused from their surprise, the rest of the boys let loose an explosion of foot stomps and wild cheers.

"What in the world is going on! What is all that racket!" A woman roared through the noise. The students stopped cheers at once, sharing an uneasy gaze as they recognized the voice of the White Cats' house mistress coming from the floor below.

"Back to your rooms, all of you! If I see anyone when I get up there, there will be detention for _everyone_!" said the woman, followed by the sounds of feet climbing up the steps.

Gulping at the threat, the students began dispersing in a hurry. The girls disappeared into their rooms, while the boys stormed the other staircase at the end of the hallway.

Scott found himself in a difficult position. The Princess still wasn't responsive, despite the danger of detention looming over them. She still held his gaze with a flushed face while blinking slowly. He gulped, shuddering at the kinds of unholy punishments she must surely be planning for him. He prayed to the powers above for a final chance to see Lady Persia before he was dealt in.

Meanwhile, Naruto had convinced the house mistress that the commotion was from the floor above. Setting her off to journey to the next floor.

"Why did you catch me?"

"H-Huh? I'm sorry?" The blond boy snapped out of his holy communion at suddenly being addressed.

The Princess had an unrecognizable look on her face. Her lips were pursed, and her eyes were furrowed. She said, "why did you catch me? You know what I'd do to you."

The boy laughed uneasily, "I'm used to an unhurt Princess Char ordering me around, dealing with one that is hurt would be breaking new territory for me."

The Princess covered her face with her palm, only letting her glare shine through. "You can let me go now." She rolled away from him, after he squawked in realization that she was still in his grasp and released his grip on her. Jumping to her feet, she spoke to him but not fully facing him, "tell your friend Uzumaki, that I'll be paying him back in full. Won't you, dear Scott?"

"Y-Your wish is my command, my Princess-"

"D-Don't say that!" She snapped her neck at him, revealing her red face. "I'm your _country's_ Princess, not yours!" She dug her heel into his chest, grinding it in. "Is that clear!"

"C-Crystal," said the boy as he groaned with pain and nodded.

Sparing him a final glare, the Princess stomped back to her room, but not before looking at the Uzumaki and drawing a line over her throat with her thumb. He took it sportingly and gave her a thumbs and a grin in encouragement.

Shaking her head, the Princess walked back to her room and shut the door.

With hands behind his head, Naruto approached his downed roommate with a grin. "Hey there, roommate mine. Did I save your ass, or _did_ I save yo-"

Scott shot up to his feet and grabbed the other boy's collar, his eyes held the look a man who knew he was dead. "You've doomed us both, you idiot! Do you have _any_ idea what we're in for-"

The whiskered ninja put a finger on the other boy's lips, "ah ah ah, let's walk." He spoke a little louder. "We know you're listening, Princess. Give me some credit will ya?"

There was a frustrated grumble, before the door creaked as if a weight had lifted off it.

Putting his shoulder around the other boy, Naruto began as they marched back to their room, "first off, this is _all_ on you. I was only here for a lesson on royalty." He poked Scott's cheek, "but _no_ , Mr. Resident Pervert had go butting in on my business."

Scott glared, pushing his finger off, "I'll have you know I was only sniffing around for lady Persia. I haven't seen her at all today."

"Sniffing? Are you a hunter-nin?" asked Naruto, with a look of respect. "Can you find someone if I give you their socks?"

The sun reflected off Scott's glasses as he smiled proudly and pushed them up his nose, "don't be ridiculous, the only scent worth embracing is Lady Persia's. All others pale in comparison."

"Oh, you're just a pervy-nin. Got it." Naruto chuckled.

"What's a nin?"

"Ninja."

"Huh? You watch too many cartoons," Scott shook his head in disappointment. "Don't tell me you have superpowers now? Should I watch out for that?" he gave the other blond an indulging smile. "Are you on a secret mission to save the world from the dark magistrate?"

Naruto grinned, "come on, that's just stupid."

Scott heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness you aren't that-"

"I'm actually a ninja from another dimension. After fighting a literal god for the fate of my home world, I'm now on a quest to find the answer to peace," said Naruto in a single breath. He sneaked a glance at the other boy. "Basically, I'm an alien. Boo!"

"…you poor poor child," Scott gave him a pitying look. "No wonder you'd dare go against the Princess." He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"Actually," began Naruto in a thoughtful tone, "there might be a way out for you."

"What? How?"

"Don't let up the pressure." Naruto gave him a gleeful grin. "Keep hitting the high notes as long as she's still confused." He elbowed his sides with a wink, "you'd go from _lackey_ to _daddy_."

Scott gawked at him. "A-Are you insane? I'll end up in the galley!"

"Well stick with me and we'd end up there anyway. I mean, you know me right?" Naruto gave him a happy smile. "Something about me just rubs nobles the wrong way."

Face slowly blanching as he realized the truth in that statement, Scott turned beady eyes to the Uzumaki, "why are you like this?"

"Aww, come on. Don't tell me she didn't look happier than usual. Not the mopey Princess we got yesterday right?"

Scott scoffed. "More like dragon Princess."

The two of them were almost nearing their dorm-room, but so engrossed they were in their conversation that they didn't notice the two figures waiting for them at the doorstep.

"Would that make you the dragon-tamer?" Naruto playfully elbowed him.

"W-What? Oh my god, stop it!"

"Yeah, doesn't make sense does it?" Naruto pondered, rubbing his chin and then smirking. "I mean _you're_ her ride after all."

Scott gave him a blistering glare as he stammered, "y-you! That is _not_ amusing, Naruto!"

The ninja barked a laugh and messed up the other boy's hair, "hah! Finally calling me Naruto! I'd call that an accomplishment!"

"Hmm, so that's your name, boy? Good to know," said the house mistress, standing before their dorm-room with folded hands and a cross face. Another girl was standing behind her, a blond with a streak of black hair on one side of her hair and a cross shaped hairpin on the other side. She grinned and waved at the boys from behind the house mistress.

The house mistress grabbed the Uzumaki's ear and twisted it. Making him yelp.

"You have some nerve lying to me, young man." said the woman. "It was nice of the Princess to point me to a problem child like you."

"M-Me? I'm an angel!" said Naruto, smiling through the pain. "Also, how kind of the Princess, I must pay her my regards."

The black streaked girl laughed and pointed at him, "haha! He's gonna prank her! Kitty's jokes are hilarious!"

"W-Who's she?" said Naruto, tilting his head at the house mistress, further elongating his instrument of aural perception, but not before flashing the other girl a smile.

"Meet Somali Longhaired, your company for the duration of your detention." The house mistress observed the girl as one would an exotic animal, "what possessed you to consider the curtain a good hiding spot I don't understand," she said to the girl.

Somali chuckled and bashfully rubbed the back of her head. "Kitty's more like a two act comedy. I wanted to see what he'd do next!"

Naruto gave Scott a look, as if saying, 'see! That's the kind of appreciation I expect from you!'

The bespectacled boy raised a brow. He shook his head with a tired smile before he excused himself and entered his dorm-room.

The house mistress made sure to put the fear of authority into both the boy and girl troublemakers, informing exactly when and where they would be serving their detention, before she left for her office, instructing them to retire to their rooms for the day.

"Say," Naruto began after the house mistress left, "how good are you in the history of royalty?"

Somali tilted her head, "I know who the future Queen's gonna be?" she grinned and leaned against the wall.

Naruto chuckled and shook his head with amusement. He put his hand out, "Naruto Uzumaki, nice to meet you detention buddy."

The girl grabbed his hand with gusto, almost clapping it with how eagerly she clasped it, "Somali Longhaired." She shook his hand. "And that history thing? I know a guy who can help you out." She beamed at him. "But you gotta show me something funny!"

Naruto winked at her and brought her hand to his lips. Just before he kissed her palm, Somali's eyes widened.

"N-No! I already like someone!"

She decked him right in the kisser, delivering a solid uppercut, and Flight Uzumaki took off into the air, hit the ceiling, and crashed on the ground.

Lying sprawled on his back, the whiskered blond blinked rapidly as he processed what happened. "H-Holy shit! What the hell was that punch!" He sat up and looked at her with four amazed eyes and spoke through two mouths. "How strong are you?"

The girl goggled at him and pointed with a shaky finger. "Y-Y-Your head!"

"Huh?"

"What?

Spoke two Naruto heads through one Uzumaki body. Startled, they gawked at each other before their lips thinned. They gave the girl a grim smile. "So, you've found out my secret."

The girl gulped. "S-Secret?"

Standing up, the Uzumaki slowly stepped closer to her, "for you see, I am not an ordinary human." He made grand gesture with his hands. "I am an alien from the planet twin hea-"

As soon as he got close enough, Somali spread her hands wide and slapped the opposite ends of both the heads' cheeks, squishing the thinkers together like a pancake.

A startled, single-skulled Naruto emerged from the poof of smoke that'd popped. He gaped at her as she started laughing. Naruto pouted, rubbing his red cheeks, "y-you ruined my head-canon!"

The girl laughed louder and playfully punched him in the gut. Making his eyes go wide and knocking the wind out of him. She put her arms around him in a headlock, and started giving him a noogie.

She giggled happily, "you're a pretty funny guy, Kitty! I like you!"

While Naruto was desperately trying to tap out of her grip, "uncle! Uncle! I give up! Lemme go! Oi, Scott! Help me you asshole!"

Inside the dorm-room, Scott looked at the clock and decided he'd wait for five more minutes before throwing his friend a bone.

He smirked and turned another page of the book he was reading.

Who knew, maybe the two of them were getting it on in the hallway?

Scott chuckled. Turnabout was fair-play after all.

* * *

_2 Days_

Seated in language class Persia cast a confused glance at Princess Char sitting beside her, who was impishly smiling at the Uzumaki seated across them. The blond boy furtively peeked back at them with a frown. He eyed the clock, his foot tapping as he listened through the lecture being given.

"Persia," said the Princess, leaning closer to Persia whispering in her ear, "what do you think about love?"

"What?" said Persia, crying out.

She ducked her head in apology when the teacher glared at her.

"What are you talking about?" said Persia, now in a soft whisper.

"Love letters, my girl. You're about to be read one now," said Char, taking an unusual amount of pleasure as the Uzumaki jerked in his seat. Not waiting for Persia to respond, the Princess cleared her throat and approached the teacher with an honor student's smile, sincere and earnest, as she spoke to her in soft tones.

Persia observed this with wide eyes, she glanced at the whiskered blond, seeing him cradle his head in his hands.

The teacher finished speaking with the Princess and looked at the Uzumaki, "what's this I hear, Naruto? The Princess tells me you've been hard at work?" She walked over to the boy and smiled at him with approval. "She tells me she was moved to tears with a recent essay of yours, singing praises like it were a classic."

Naruto looked back with big eyes. "Y-Yes, ma'am," he said. "The Princess is too kind."

The teacher laughed. "That she is. Tell you what, Naruto. You share this moving prose of yours with the class, and I'll make sure to give you extra credit. The Princess' idea."

"…extra credit?" Naruto shot up in his seat and found himself standing before the class in a second. With his essay in hand.

Persia wondered why he clapped his hands in apology while looking at her before he began. With a face splitting smile the Princess sidled back in beside her.

Clearing his throat, Naruto began, "hi class. I'm Naruto Uzumaki. I'm about to read you my essay called… 'Lady Persia and her many virtues.'" The boy blushed with embarrassment as he peeked at his crowd.

Scott was tearing up, euphoric that praises of his idol were about to be sung.

The teacher looked like she was about to stop him, but an earnest glance from the Princess stopped her.

Inuzuka was spinning a pencil on his fingers, the pencil was now broken in his fist. Hasuki fussed over the wood getting into his skin.

Somali began giggling.

And Persia?

Her eyes twitched wildly, as her fingers thirsted for their daily quota of troublemaker disciplining.

The following are some entertaining snippets from the many worded essay, which will briefly be recounted here in the interest of time.

–

"-Lady Persia, or as I like to call her, the Tiny Tiger, is the cherished leader of us first year White Cats. She's about 4'9, 40 kilos… her three sizes are thirt-… I should probably shut up and move on before she kills me."

The ninja gulped and looked up.

The girl in question was smiling sweetly at him, nonchalantly cracking her knuckles.

Inuzuka was diligently making notes, giving the ninja an intense stare of concentration.

–

"-I don't have any siblings, so if I imagine I had a hardass sister who's sometimes mushy, I bet she'd be just like Persia. I'd have a blast teasing her just like I have fun messing with our Tiny Tiger, haha-"

The White Cats girls aww'd and gave the ninja tender gazes. A few of them gave Persia looks of sympathy for being sister-zoned.

While the boys heaved a collective sigh of relief. A major contender had fallen out of the race.

–

"-It's only been a month since I've been here. But I don't know, I really hate schools, but somehow, with you guys all here? It makes things bearable. I look forward to seeing your faces every morning I get up. If I can make you smile, even just a tiny bit, it makes my entire day. So I'm here for you guys more than anything. Let's have a great school life, yeah?-"

"Yeah!" The White Cats roared, beaming back at the blond.

"Boo! Quit the water-works!" The Black Dogs jeered, pretending to be disgusted with the cat love on display.

Naruto continued,

"I asked Persia once, why bother with all she does? I mean, this is just school right? Just do your homework and then relax, why stick your neck out for the other students? Well, she told me she loved each and every one of us. Imagine that, huh? I mean I could understand if it was just me," Naruto chuckled and winked at Persia, who was listening intently until then, after which she sighed and shook her head.

The ninja went on,

"But the _whole_ dorm? That's some next level stuff. And that made me look at the rest of y'all, and made me realize, hey, these guys are pretty fun people to be around. I think a tiny bit of me loves them too." Naruto looked up and gave them a smile straight from his heart, "so fair warning. Don't freak out if I come up to you and say 'I love you.'" He turned to Persia with a tiny smile and a faint red on his cheeks. "Because Persia, I certainly do love ya. My Tiny Tiger sis."

The academy bell rang indicating the end of the class.

The White Cats erupted into applause with the teacher joining them with a smile. Scott climbed his desk and began whistling and clapping like a devout worshiper would upon the altar of their idol.

The Black Dogs booed the cats, sticking their tongues out at them as they exited the classroom. Inuzuka in particular clasped his hands to his cheeks like a maiden and shrilly said, 'My Tiny Tiger sis' while batting his eyelashes. Making the gaggle of Black Dogs behind him burst into laughter. Naruto grinned back, and stuck his own tongue out at him.

The Cats slowly cleared out the classroom, each of them mussing up the whiskered blond's hair, clapping him on the back, or, in case of some girls, demanding that he not look upon them with a brother's eye, as they passed him by.

As everyone cleared out, Persia slowly approached the ninja, who was blushing and trying to avoid her gaze.

"Naruto," she said with crossed hands, and pursed lips. "You really meant that?"

The ninja gave her a bashful smile while rubbing the back of his head.

Persia smiled and took his hands into hers. "How sappy. You and he are alike in your girlish mannerisms." She chuckled, "I must say I rather find that adorable."

Naruto's smirk shone through his embarrassment. "Hey now, don't go falling madly in love with me too-"

There was a flash of steel.

"Oh don't worry about that you silly goose," Persia giggled as she held her sword to his throat, "resisting the urge to thrust my sword in you is a daily challenge."

Naruto smiled like Christmas had come early. He said in a highly amused voice, _"Oh my."_

The White Cats leader raised her hand to stop him. Withdrawing her sword and pinching her brow she said, "Don't say it. I realized it the moment I said it." She sighed. "Why can't you be serious for once," she asked him despairingly.

"I might've played things up a bit, but meant all of it." Naruto's lips turned up with sincere affection.

Persia observed his face searchingly. Smiling at what she found, she stepped in closer and whispered to him, "when it's just the two of us, you may call me Juliet." She then scuttled away, slightly red in the face, before Naruto could reply.

The whiskered blond scratched his head, confused. It was just her first-name right? Why was that a big deal? He was only calling her Persia because everyone else was.

"This isn't over, Uzumaki," the Princess glared coolly at him as she followed Persia out. "Letting him call her, Juliet. Preposterous." The Princess muttered to herself as she disappeared from view.

"Encore! Encore! Encore!"

Naruto turned his head to see Scott still up on the desk, waving his hands like a fan at a stadium. With nothing better to do, Naruto shrugged and began reciting his essay again. It was nice having an enthusiastic audience.

Though he called it quits when Scott went too wild and ripped out his shirt and broke out the dance moves.

* * *

_1 Day_

Word was out that the Black Dogs were holding their three day intensive revision for the Midterms.

When this reached the ears of a certain desperate ninja, it was obvious what he'd try to do next. Though it kinda made him mad that he'd only found this out during their last day of revision.

 _"I don't get it. Why are you crossdressing again?"_ said Kurama, to his host's mind.

A pretty, raven haired girl with heart shaped face and a slender body made her way through the Black Dogs dorm, observing the other students and trying to guess where they'd meet for their studies. Garbed in the Black Dogs girls uniform, she brushed her hair, which fell until her waist, away from her brow and walked with her books held to her chest.

_"Human, this is ridiculous. You're a ninja. Just cheat. Who's going to find out."_

Naruto shook his head. Others may not find out, but he'd feel bad robbing someone of their exam rank. If it were a short term mission he'd probably have gone with that, but he'd have to see his friends' faces everyday, the little guilt in his heart would keep on piling up.

He already had to lie to them about who he was, adding more to that would just call any friendship he forged here into question.

 _"Tch, whatever. It's your decision. I'm going to sleep, wake me when you're done with this nonsense."_ said the Kyuubi, yawning. _"Good luck,"_ he said, before cutting off their connection.

Bidding his partner a good sleep, Naruto poked his head into a large hall lined with portable black boards, and students sitting and pouring over their books.

"You there, what are you doing?" said a voice from behind him. He turned back and saw Inuzuka's friend, the Black Dog girl who's always with him, giving him a stern look. "Step inside, we'll be beginning shortly," said the girl. She briskly walked into the study hall and began barking at everyone to settle down into their seats.

Scratching his cheek, Naruto went inside and plopped himself on a bench. The girl's personality seemed different from before, he also wondered why she suddenly started wearing glasses.

He observed Inuzuka messing around and arguing with a short, black haired boy with a lock shaped earring. Shaking his head at the distraction, the Uzumaki opened his books. The clones he'd left in the abandoned dorm were waiting on him to feed them better information, he didn't want to let them down.

They'd promised to kick his ass otherwise. Naruto chuckled and began listening to Inuzuka's friend as she stood before the black board and began her lesson.

The day passed by relatively well, with Inuzuka's friend clearing up any questions he had and giving him extra pointers. He decided to do something nice for her later as thanks for her help.

Deciding that he got all the info he could ever want, Naruto made his way to an abandoned corner and poofed away.

* * *

_0 Days  
_

Education. The altar upon which ambitions are sacrificed, dreams are burnt to a molten crisp, and hopes whittle and die.

Of course one talks about modern education and not the enlightenment of the soul, which indeed provides true succor to the spirit.

Education. The foundation upon which societies are built, the prison which is the key to freedom, and the facilitator of necessary lies.

Of course one talks about the drilling down of facts into the mind. A distillation of the truly great insights into an assortment of easily vomitable facts.

For what is true beauty?

Banging together totally unrelated things and watching in wonder as it burns down the room?

Or dully listening to a certified distributor of knowledge and repeating things note for note.

It's been agreed by the many wise and learned men and women, who have your _best_ interest at hearts, that the latter is the more effective. For it makes putting things into neatly organized buckets much much easier.

Smart.

Average.

Dumb.

The three holy buckets of schooling.

But today, the very foundations of these buckets would be challenged by one blond ninja with the whiskers of change and the gumption to never give up.

For today, a boy deemed dumb, with average skills in memorization and regurgitation, will seem _very_ smart to all his observers.

**Ding Dong Bing Bong**

"Aand start! You have three hours to finish the test. Make it count," said the teacher supervising the classroom, where the students were seated with their midterm question papers before them.

With an orange headband tied over his head, and his sleeves rolled up to his shoulders, Naruto flipped open his answer sheet and slammed both his hands on his desk. A pen in each hand weaponized him against the question paper.

"Uoooooh!"

The blond cried with determination as he began his assault upon the first question on the left side of his answer sheet, and upon the third question on the right side of his answer sheet. The paper smoked with how fast the blond stamped his answers.

"Hey you! Silence!" The teacher snapped at him.

The blond ducked his head and resumed in a quieter note.

A few seconds passed.

The blond barked out, "another sheet!" He held out his hand expectantly.

Frowning, the teacher did as asked, fetching and passing him another sheet to fill in his answers.

A moment.

"Another!"

Blinking, the teacher passed him a new sheet.

A few more scribbles.

"Another!"

A turn of the question paper.

"Another!"

An exact rendition of a diagram drawn.

"Another!"

"Another!"

"Another!"

Naruto growled at the sweating teacher who was panting, running to and fro between the boy and the desk where the additional sheets were kept.

"Give me another _goddamn_ sheet of paper, you out of shape slowpoke!"

"Y-Yes, sir!" The teacher cried with tears running down his face as he sprinted to do as asked.

The rest of the students gave the whiskered blond wide-eyed looks, as he snatched the newly proffered sheet with a grumble and continued writing. How much content was he filling in? He'd already taken around ten extra sheets. And it'd only been a few minutes!

The ninja paused and looked up to give the others an annoyed look. "What the hell are you looking at? Look at your own paper!"

"Y-Yeah!" The teacher nodded, panting heavily. He wiped his sweaty brow. "W-What he said!"

The others jerked at that and began focusing on their own answers, but the worm of doubt had already begun crawling into their heads.

Just how well prepared was that whiskered blond?

This wasn't overkill.

This was complete and utter annihilation.

The top scorers began sweating.

The middle rankers began wondering if they'd be toeing the line to the bottom ranks.

The bottom rankers were losing their minds over whether they'd even pass the exam if _that_ was the kind of preparation they had to do.

Unmindful of all this, Naruto just continued demolishing the questions.

When the test concluded, the teacher carried back with him two sorts of answer sheets.

Thirty-nine normal sized answer sheets.

And one text book sized answer sheet, with the whole first page proudly scrawled from end to end with the name,

**Naruto Uzumaki**

Gulping as the whiskered blond cheerfully thanked him for his help, the teacher mentally wished his colleagues luck when it'd come their turn to supervise the blond in his tests. He was a tough taskmaster.

The next few days continued in the same vein.

And finally at the end of the week, the exams concluded.

Jumping for joy, the students poured out of the classrooms, happy that the exams were finally over.

As soon as he stepped onto the courtyard, our whiskered hero grabbed as many White Cats as he could and sneaked off with them to town. Declaring the first expedition of the ramen quest, a quest to find the best ramen restaurant in the lands. Scott was an unwilling recruit of this expedition. He was last seen crying Persia's name while being dragged away by the collar by his roommate.

* * *

_The Aftermath_

In the staff-room of Dahlia Academy, currently occupied by all the heads of the departments and the Principal.

It was the week after the examinations, and all the papers had been marked and the rankings drawn up.

But the results were perturbing to say the least.

"Well, this is certainly unprecedented," the Principal stroked his beard, looking at the ranking sheet. The boy who was supposed to wear down before an impossible task had managed to do the unthinkable. "Help me understand how this came to be?" he said, setting the paper down and frowning at his staff.

The teachers exchanged a glance and spoke one at a time.

"The boy's answers were an exact word for word dump from the textbooks. And not just the text books, but the reference material as well," the history teacher scowled.

"His answers to the math problems were all correct, all the steps presented in excruciating detail… And the boy had the cheek to write down where exactly he'd seen the problem before," the math teacher chuckled and pushed up her glasses. "Gave the book name and the page number that boy did."

"I would say the sciences were exempt from the perils of rote memorization, but our testing doesn't reflect that," the physics teacher shrugged and leaned back in his seat. "Imagine my surprise when I found a good amalgam of facts, fit to be used as a reference in a student's exam paper."

"…he studied the previous years' papers," the language studies teacher glowered. "Last year's award winning essay. The gall to stamp his name on it and present it as his."

The Principal grew more and more amused as his staff griped about the boy. He was an old man, getting on in his years. But the possibility which suddenly presented itself before him reinvigorated the scholastic spirit which had stirred him to pursue the profession of teaching.

He'd tried for years to move the academy board to revise the academic practices. But it was never enough. The machine chugged on, and life moved on. Nobody wanted to nettle what worked. Finally however, he finally got he needed.

A good, glaring, right-in-your-face example.

 _Now_ he'd love to see the board argue that memorization was harmless. When there existed a youth who could blaze through the test with _no_ seeming understanding of the subject matter. He should know, for he'd personally met the boy and casually asked him something which should've been obvious if the boy were truly worth his rank.

Imagine his delight when he'd gotten a blank, vapid stare in response.

So it was with a wizened grin that he leaned forward and began discussing his plans to shake things up.

The students won't know what hit 'em.

* * *

_In the ground floor hallway of the White Cats dorm_

"Heey, where're we going?" said Naruto, with his hands behind his head.

"Hm? You have somewhere else to be?" said Sieber, walking in front of the Uzumaki with him following her. She turned back and raised a brow at him, a small smile playing on her lips.

Naruto shrugged. "I was kinda… ya know. Packing my stuff." He scratched his head. "Just in case."

The red headed prefect shook her head, "You should believe in yourself more." She grabbed his hand, pulling him together with her. "Now come on, we're on a schedule."

Naruto stumbled before he matched her pace. "Uhh, is this the part where you confess your burning passion for me?" The ninja snickered. "Are we going on a date? Don't worry, Anne. My heart belongs to you no matter where I go." He began guffawing.

Sieber chuckled lightly. "I'm afraid you won't be going anywhere." She bonked him on the head with her clipboard. "Also show me some respect, you little rascal. Call me Sieber, I'm your senior."

The two of them entered the backstage area of the White Cats auditorium. Through the curtains, Naruto could spot Cait standing before the podium and addressing the assembly of White Cats before him. Rex stood behind the head prefect and on seeing Sieber and Naruto, he leaned in and whispered in Cait's ear.

"What's going on?" said Naruto, frowning.

Pushing him from behind, Sieber said, "stop asking so many questions. Go find out for yourself." She shoved him forward, bringing him into the view of the audience.

"And the man of the hour has arrived, folks!" said Cait, beckoning the whiskered blond towards him. The head prefect grinned as the Uzumaki approached him with a puzzled face. Clapping a hand on the ninja's shoulder Cait continued with addressing the assembled White Cats,

"I'd like to begin by saying that I have two pieces of good news to share with you today. The first being that the top scorer of the first year mid-terms is a White Cat!"

The White Cats erupted into applause, roaring their dorms name. Though some of them started giving Naruto shocked stares.

Naruto himself started gaping on stage, catching on to why he was there.

With a grin Cait said, "and that White Cat is none other than Naruto Uzumaki!"

All applause stopped. Every boy and girl was giving the head prefect looks of disbelief. You could hear a pin drop in the silence.

.

.

.

But then a lone set of hands started clapping.

Naruto squinted his eyes at the crowd, and saw Juliet Persia clapping with a terribly proud smile on her face. She winked at him and started clapping faster.

Not far behind the blond girl, Scott joined her with gusto. "Na-ru-to! Na-ru-to!" He began chanting. Though he looked confused, he had a pleased smile.

One by one, the rest of the cats joined them, snapping out of their funk and cheering. Their resident troublemaker, heartthrob, man among men, had gone and placed first, despite how academically weak he was. How could they _not_ cheer for him!

"Na-ru-to! Na-ru-to! Na-ru-to!"

The whole stage vibrated with the vigor of the applause. The chants reverberating like the beating of a drum.

Naruto was rapidly blinking his eyes, still in shock. H-He beat the mid-terms? Not only beat, he came _first._ By the Sage! Was this really happening? A slow smile spread on his face.

T-That meant he could stay right?

That meant he could stay!

Hell yeah! Dahlia Academy! You can't get rid of him that easily! He started laughing with happiness, his heart soaring that he didn't have to lose the friends he'd made here yet.

Cait then raised his hand, banging the podium a few times to stop the cheering. He waved a sheet of paper in his hand, "settle down now. There's one more good thing waiting for you," he handed the paper to Naruto with a smile. "Naruto, why don't you do the honors."

Taking the head prefect's place before the podium, Naruto began reading,

"Owing to the flaws exposed, by the top scorer of the mid-terms, namely Naruto Uzumaki, in the current methods of evaluation employed at Dahlia Academy, it has been determined that these methods grossly fall short of correctly measuring a student's understanding of their subject.

"Henceforth, until further notice all paper and pen evaluations are to be ceased effective immediately. And are expected to remain as such for the foreseeable future.

"In simpler terms, rejoice students! No more exams! Regards, your Principal."

Naruto put the paper down and leaned against the podium as his knees wobbled. "N-No more e-exams," he said to himself, the words tasting like sweet miso ramen in his lips. "H-Holy shit, what the hell did I do?" He tilted his head in wonder, it was like a whole new world had revealed itself to him.

The Kyuubi laughed in his head. _"Congratulations, partner. You defeated exams! A mighty foe to beat indeed! Hahaha!"_

Naruto suddenly found himself grabbed by a multitude of hands. And before he registered what was happening he found himself being flung into the air.

"NA-RU-TO! NA-RU-TO! NA-RU-TO!"

The blast of cheers crashed like giant waves upon shores. Wild claps of hands and solid stomps of feet filled the air, the students all celebrating in a joyous frenzy.

Naruto laughed as he rose and fell with the White Cats tossing him into the air and catching him.

Observing this with a smile, Cait Sith leaned back against the wall. He never thought he'd see the day when exams were laid to rest, but here he was. He chuckled, folding his hands. Naruto Uzumaki, what a fascinating underclassman.

And with the sports festival coming up, the head prefect wondered how much more fascinating he would become.

He smirked. He couldn't wait to watch.

Something told him, the winds of change were coming.

And they had whiskers.

_End of Arc 1: Welcome to Dahlia Academy!_


	7. Chapter 6 - Drowsy discoveries

**Chapter 6 - Drowsy discoveries  
**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Boarding School Juliet**

**Author's Note:**

**Names convention**

**People from Touwa and Naruto:-**

**Lastname Firstname**

**Example:- Inuzuka Romio**

**People from the West Duchy:-**

**Firstname Lastname**

**Example:- Juliet Persia**

* * *

_In the Black Dog's dorm_

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

A girl lay in her bed, tucked in her bed-sheets. She raised her eye-mask and stared at the clock on her desk. Bleary eyes stared at the clock hands.

3:15 am.

She lowered her eye-mask again, twisting in the bed and hoping a better position would help her. The silence of the night pounded her head like a battering ram.

Thoughts of her workshop occupied her mind. The latest project she was working on progressed as she came up with new ideas. She raised her eye-mask and grabbed the pad and pen on the desk nearby, noting down details she didn't want to forget. She whined lightly in despair, wondering why sleep couldn't take her before inspiration did.

Putting the pad aside she looked at the clock again with sullen eyes.

4:30 am.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

She glared down on her sheets with a small frown and punched the bed.

She hated this.

Gathering her bed-sheet with her, she walked out of her room and opened the door to the room beside hers.

She poked her head in, yawning. "Nee-san?" she said, trying to see in the darkness. She walked further in, brow furrowed at the lack of response.

"Nee-san, can I sleep here today-" she stopped herself, seeing the empty bed. She sighed and felt like pulling her hair out. She'd forgotten that her sister had gone back home for a week.

The clock in the room ticked.

She looked at the time.

4:47 am.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

She threw her bed-sheet on the floor and slammed herself on her sister's bed.

She buried her head into the pillow and screamed.

She really hated this.

Laying there for a few moments, and deciding that falling asleep now would just make her day even worse, she got back up and trudged back to her room.

She changed her clothes to her cheongsam and vest and grabbed the keys to the engineering lab.

The door shut with a slam as she left.

The clock in the room ticked.

5:18 am.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

* * *

_In Dahlia Town_

Gunshots filled the air before the Bank of Westia. Civilians screamed as they ran away from the street. Cars acted as cover as the shootout took place on the asphalt road leading to the bank.

On one side were golden rimmed limos behind which were thugs dressed in purple suits and bowler hats. Ducking and popping up to shoot a round, these legal reprobates were baffled why they were exchanging lead with another gang and not the police.

"You shit eating assholes! How'd you know we'd raid this joint! Who sold us out? It's Mickey isn't it? I'll rip that loose tongued mouse a new one I swear!" said the purple suits' leader as he unloaded a clip.

On the other side were tough looking SUVs with paint jobs done to make them look like monster trucks. Clad in black suits, a tie and sunglasses, the clean shaven enemies of morality behind these vehicles returned fire with abandon. They were the yakuza of Touwa.

"Aniki," said one of them, speaking into his headset. "Should we retreat? This has to be an inside job." He pushed up his shades as he eyed the purple suits gaining ground. "We've been compromised."

He frowned as only static greeted him from the other end.

He pressed the headset closer to his ear, "Aniki? Is everything alright?" he said again, with a tone of worry entering his voice as he glanced at the bank. The squad led by his aniki had gone in a while ago. The lack of a reply was concerning.

Just as he tried to reach them another time, the headset crackled,

"Buck. Buck."

The yakuza blinked. What the hell was that? A chicken?

Suddenly the whole yakuza unit's headsets burst into life, chilling the gangsters to the bone as they heard the screams.

"Aaah! Get me outta here! Get me outta here!"

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

"Up in the rafters! Shoot! Kill it! Kill i-"

"Buck-buck-buckaw!"

"We can't take more of this. Oh god, where is it… Aah! Oh, it's you… Shit, where did it go?"

"…"

"I-I wanna go home… Sniff… Sniff."

"Buck. Buck."

"Ah, thanks for the tissue… Aaah!"

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

"Backup! Send back up! We're losing men- Urk!"

"Buck-buck-buck-buckaww!"

The yakuza grunts all stared at their headsets with trepidation, as sweat rolled down their necks. Just what the hell was going on in there?

"Wow!" A voice exclaimed with surprise. A figure in a dress was grinning, standing right before the bank entrance and stretching. "I didn't know we were having a party!" He leaned forward, showing off his voluptuous chest, and waggled his finger at the two gangs. "You naughty, naughty boys. Why didn't you invite me?"

The gunfire stopped and there was silence, as the mobsters registered the new character.

The purple suits' leader yelled, "It's Crossdressman! Waste him!"

The rest of the gang began firing at the masked hero who laughed and leisurely started walking towards them.

The bullets kept striking him and falling harmlessly to the ground. Crossdressman snickered as he got closer to them.

The purple suits' leader screamed, "what the hell are you trash heads doing! Kill him! Kill the freak!"

The purple suits fodder began panicking.

"W-We're firing right at him, boss!"

"H-His boobs are too bouncy! We can't get through!"

"Man, what I'd do to get a face-full of _that._ "

"…dude."

"What the hell, man? Not on the job."

The purple suits' leader grabbed his head and groaned. Why the hell did he always end up with the idiots? It was all that damn Mickey's fault. He was sure of it.

The guns stopped firing, the gangsters having run out of bullets.

"S-Shit, out of bullets! Get the magazines! They're in the car!" yelled one of the purple suits.

Crossdressman grinned. "Good one, boys! Nice massage you gave me," he rolled his shoulders and smirked. He cupped his hands together, the tips of the fingers almost touching each other, and the base of his wrists joined. Putting a leg back and leaning on it, he brought his cupped hands to one side of his abdomen. Energy coiling in his palms, he said, "now it's my turn. Wind style-"

He began in a deep and low voice, dragging the power out of the words with his tone.

"Kaa… Mee…"

A low column of wind began twisting around his body.

The purple suit leader grabbed his hat as the air threatened to sweep it away. He said, "what the hell is he doing?"

One of the grunts paled and stepped back with shocked eyes, "no way… no way!" He screamed, "get those magazines! Get those damn magazines!"

Wind danced and swirled in the gap between Crossdressman's palms. A mini-tornado cut at the air around him, draining into his hands.

"Haa… Mee…"

The purple suits' leader grabbed his terrified grunt by the collar, "what is that thing!"

The grunt's face was a mix of awe, fear, and disbelief, "i-if that hits us, w-we'll be deader than a door-nail, boss." He turned to look at Crossdressman, "i-isn't he supposed to offer us a second chance? Gah!"

The wind lashed out at them like a whip, hitting their faces like small needles.

The purple suit leader lost his grip on the grunt as the gust knocked them over, the wind screamed over his subordinates' startled yells. He cried out, "screw it! Abandon ship! Get the hell out of he-"

Poof!

Crossdressman emerged out of a cloud of smoke, standing right before them. With the hero on one side and their limos on the other, they were trapped in the middle like mice. Crossdressman winked at them with a cocky grin.

The purple suits' leader's jaw fell, the wind robbed his hat as his hand fell down limply. What the fluffy tarnations? How the hell did he get here so fast?

His grunt yelled with a shocked and elated face, pointing at the masked hero with more excitement than dread, "oh my god! It's the Warp Kamehame-"

Crossdressman finished.

"Haaaa!"

In a swift motion he thrust his hands forward, with his palms joined at the wrists and spreading wide open like a flower, his palms being the base and his fingers the petals.

The pent up energy exploded forth, breaking the asphalt road on which he stood into haphazard cracks, as a swirling wave of dense air gushed forth like highly pressurized water spit from a canon.

"Aaaaah!"

The gangsters screamed as they were blasted back, easily plucked off their feet. They crashed into their limos and stuck to them like flys upon mosquito paper, as they were whacked all over their bodies by the wind, with each slam being like a heavyweight boxer's Sunday punch.

Through the blast of wind hitting them, they could barely make out the terrifying figure unleashing the attack on them. Where before they saw a slightly unhinged thrill-seeker, there was now only a monster that could command the elements.

And then they wondered, why the hell weren't they _his_ underlings? Because the only currency in the underworld other than money was respect. And this maniac?

He'd give a new meaning to farts being natural disasters. Seriously, he could threaten people with passing wind.

The scenario played clearly in the purple suits' heads, Crossdressman sitting before his enemies with a smirk and leaning forward, 'we break even or break wind, it's your choice mates.' It was amazing.

And it was with this thought that they fell down on their knees, and then smacked their faces against the asphalt as the wind subsided in real life but blew ever so strong in their minds as it flew them over to lala land.

Crossdressman walked over to them prodded them with his feet, "welp, nothing broken. That's good I guess." He saw the grins on their unconscious faces, "might've loosened some screws… meh, they'll live."

Cupping his hands around his mouth, he yelled at the yakuza's half of the street, "yo! Commander! You done over there!"

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

Commander Cockerel uttered its victory cry, standing triumphantly over a heap of yakuza thugs all piled on top of each other. Flapping its wings, it started dancing from foot to foot on the butt of the goon it was standing on.

Chuckling, Crossdressman made his way over to his sidekick and held out his hand, at which the bird hopped on top and settled on his head. It spread its wings wide and cried out, the triumphant spirit still running strong.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

Imagine the picture this painted, Crossdressman standing victoriously before his enemies, with his sidekick adorning his head and spreading its wings wide. A perfect front page picture if there ever was one.

Snap.

"That was brilliant, Crossdressman!" said a woman holding a camera. "Thanks for the pose!"

Crossdressman blinked the spots out of his eyes, rubbing them with his finger. What was that lady doing so close to a shootout?

Right then the police cars zoomed along the road and stopped before the bank, the officers exiting in an orderly fashion. The crest of the West Duchy lay emblazoned on their uniforms.

The head officer barked orders at his subordinates to make quick work of the downed gangsters and yakuza. He then turned to Crossdressman with a stern gaze and gave him a stiff nod in thanks, but refused to acknowledge him in any other way as he marched into the bank with a team of officers.

"Wow," Crossdressman chuckled, "guess I'm not popular huh?" He asked the lady who seemed like a reporter.

"Au contraire, Crossdressman," said the reporter, smiling and shoving a microphone before the masked hero, "your approval ratings are as high as ever."

A cameraman poked his head out a nearby shop, and seeing that things had settled down, made his way to the reporter and began recording, after giving her a thumbs-up.

"The old ladies think you're a sweetheart for helping them crossing the street, the men in the bar think you're just swell, and the women are confused with the mixed messages you're sending them," said the reporter. She let out a chuckle, "they don't know whether to hug you or kiss you."

Crossdressman gave the reporter a saucy smile, snapping a rose into existence with his fingers, "well what do _you_ think?" He put the rose in her hair and spoke in a low, husky voice, "wanna know what's under the mask?"

The reporter blinked and looked at him with big eyes, a tiny blush creeping up her face. "D-Don't confuse _me_!" She stepped away from him with a small glare, "gosh, let me be objective alright?"

The masked hero snickered and put his hands up in surrender. "Gotcha."

"Buck. Buck." Commander Cockerel wondered if there were more humans to play with. He twisted and turned his head all around, observing the other humans with a curious eye.

Right before the reporter spoke again, a white sedan emblazoned with the crest of the West Duchy on the sides and that of the royal family on the front drove into the street and stopped before the masked hero and the reporter.

The passenger door opened and a man wearing official looking clothing, a elaborately designed white suit with many crests and medals attached before its left breast, stepped out. He walked straight towards Crossdressman.

He said, "you sir, would I be right in assuming that you are the vigilante known to the public as 'Crossdressman'" He spoke in a nasal voice, the words stiffly drawn from his throat.

"Uh-huh," nodded Crossdressman with a frown.

The official handed over a letter with the royal family's crest sealing the flap. He said, "it is my privilege to inform you that in recognition of your deeds in service of the citizens of Dahlia Island, and indirectly to the subjects of the West Duchy, and also in your protection of the Bank of Westia-"

"Hey, hey, just get to the point," said Crossdressman, giving the official an annoyed glare.

"Hmph. Masked clown," said the official under his breath with disdain in his eyes. He cleared his throat and said, "be honored, vigilante. For his royal highness, King Westia, cordially invites you to his birthday party."

Crossdressman stared back with a flat face.

"Do you think I'm stupid? Why the hell would I-"

"In return for your attendance, you shall be given clemency for operating in the West Duchy," said the official with a scowl. "The authorities shall avert their eye when you come 'save the day'," he said with sarcasm.

Crossdressman went poof, and reappeared wearing a clown costume with a rainbow colored afro and a rooster poking its head out of it.

"Why so serious?" he said with a grin, while juggling five kunai. "You wanna know how I got these scars?" He blinked, "oh wait… I'm wearing a mask… crap."

The reporter chuckled, while the camera continued to roll in the background.

With a derisive raise of his lip, the official said, "I'll take that as your confirmation then." He made his way back to the car, and right as he shut the door he said, "don't assume it is a picnic. I would do some research if I were you."

"Research? On what?"

The official responded with a pinched and pained face.

"Flamingo Domingo."

He then shut the door, and the car drove away back to where it came from.

The reporter started speaking with excitement into the camera, "you heard it here first, folks! Royal birthday parties! Masked superheroes! And the infamous gentleman thief, Flamingo Domingo! I don't know about you, viewers, but it seems to me the prelude for the heist of the century!"

Crossdressman pursed his lips, listening to the reporter with an intent ear. A gentleman thief huh? He grinned and cracked his knuckles.

If the King hadn't invited him, he'd have crashed the party himself. It sounded like his kind of fun.

But a problem presented itself. What the heck should he buy as a present? He scratched his head. Maybe he should ask the Princess?

Yeah. Sounds like a plan. He'd grab Scott and go ask the Princess. That should make her happy enough to talk to him.

So with that in mind, he smiled and poofed away.

If he'd waited a few more seconds he'd have seen a poster fly by. Which said-

'Come one, come all! To the Dahlia Town arena! The finest gladiatorial combat you have ever seen! Hosted by none other than Princess Chartreux Westia!

'Two combatants of her choosing shall entertain you with their valor, bravery, and martial prowess!

'Do not miss it for the world!

'Note: All proceeds shall be donated to charity.'

* * *

_By the lakeside shore in Dahlia Academy_

The cheongsam wearing girl wearing a black vest sat on the slope leading down to the lake, in her hands a remote controller. She yawned as she moved the sticks on the controller.

A quadcoptor flew above the lake, its blades whirring as it moved at the girl's command.

Holding the controller with one hand, the girl put a notepad on her leg and noted her observations, "must muffle the noise more… test performance with heavier payload… use prettier paint job…," she said to herself as wrote down.

The copter smacked into a treetop and emerged with twigs stuck to its joints.

"Ah!" She exclaimed and grabbed the controller fully. She hit the stick up, hoping to raise the altitude of the copter.

But it began swerving erratically. Moving along ill defined paths above the water.

Before it decided to head straight for her.

Deciding that it was better to lose a copter than get injured, she cut its power via the remote control.

The copter let go of any inhibitions of swerving away from her and got a nitro boost towards her location.

"How does that make sense!" she cried as she jumped away and scampered to hide behind a tree.

Thud.

The copter crashed into the ground, the rotors still spinning.

"T-That was dangerous," she gulped and slowly made her way to it. She frowned however, wondering what was that strange behavior.

It should've fallen straight into the lake, not get a boost in speed.

She slowly approached the small hole the copter made in the wet gravel, and crouched before it.

"Feathers?" she said, picking up a slightly dirty and brown feather from the hole.

The feather began bending as soon as she picked it up. She blinked and moved the feather around, and all the time it bent in the direction of the copter in the hole.

She pursed her lips and picked up her copter. She brought the feather close.

Her eyes widened as something red sparked into being.

"W-What is this?" she gasped as the cloudy, red stuff became apparent whenever she brought the feather close to her copter.

Looking in wonder for a few more moments, her eyes gained an excited gleam as she smiled.

She gathered up more of the feathers, packed her copter and headed for the engineering lab.

This might be a new discovery! She had to find out what that red stuff was! And if there was more of it!

Maybe losing her sleep was worth it if she ended up naming this discovery after herself. She giggled. The 'Teria Particles' sounded good to her ears.

But then a mighty yawn overtook her and a wave of tiredness washed over her.

Nah. She decided, blinking out the sleepy tears from her eyes.

No discovery was worth a splitting headache… unless it helped her sleep better.

She chuckled.

Yeah, now _that_ would be something worth discovering.

* * *

_In Dahlia town arena_

"What are we doing here?" said Scott, wondering why they were in the participant room of the arena. He frowned at the noise coming from the other side of the wall. "Are you sure you heard the Princess right? I didn't see Lady Persia anywhere on our way."

"Hey, _relax_ ," said Naruto, looking at the sports equipment in the room. Swords, javelins, knee-pads. "She told me we could meet up in the arena," He took a sword and swiped it in the air, "told me we could make it a double date or something."

Scott frowned, "they why did we sign an indemnity form when we entered?"

"Huh? What's that?" said Naruto. "I just thought that was for the guest book." He put the sword back on the rack, looking confused. "…where did I hear that before?" He tapped his lip, wondering why it sounded familiar. "Why did _you_ sign it if you knew what it was?"

Scott bashfully rubbed the back of his head, "I… um, thought things might get _intense._ Haha. If you know what I mean." He grinned back weakly. "Probably wasn't thinking straight."

Naruto furrowed his brow at him, "wait, are you being a perv again-"

Right then, the room started shaking, and a section of the wall opened to reveal a passageway. The intercom buzzed to life, "please make your way through the corridor. The Princess awaits your presence," it said.

The two blonds looked at each other, shrugged and made their way through the passageway. One was resigned to what fate held in store since it was the Princess that awaited them. The other wondered why he couldn't sense Persia anywhere in the immediate surroundings.

The answer revealed itself to him, when they emerged out of the passageway and came under the bright sunlight, exposed to the large circular arena's open air with the crowd cheering loudly as the passageway closed behind them with iron bars which had sprouted from the ceiling.

The Princess sat on a throne in the stands, near enough to the arena grounds that she could hear the boys if they spoke loud enough. She gave them a devilish smile when she caught their eyes.

The announcer began introducing the combatants to the crowd.

**"And we have our brave gladiators for the evening! The Princess' very champions! With the cunning of a cat and the guile of a fox-"**

"Hello, boys," said Princess Char, as she leaned forward against the railing and gave them a jaunty wave with her hand, "how is my pick of the dating spot?" she said, smirking at Naruto. "Bound to get you all hot and sweaty, isn't it?"

Naruto grinned at her, "so _this_ is what you mean by double date? One of you and two of us?" He said putting his arm around Scott. The Uzumaki snickered, "kinky."

Scott looked stupefied at his surroundings, and at the announcer's words he started. "G-Gladiators? Did he just call us gladiators?" He looked at the Princess with unbelieving eyes. "W-What did _I_ do? I understand him," he looked at Naruto and back at her, "b-but _me?_ "

"Oh, Scott, Scott, Scott." said Naruto shaking his head, "you gotta read the situation. Don't you see what this is?" He grinned, "she's _hitting_ on us. Didn't you hear that announcer guy? We're her _champions._ " The Uzumaki smirked, relishing how the Princess' eye twitched as she tried to hold her imperious stare. "And as a bonus, she's got front row tickets to see us in _action_."

Princess Char cracked a grin and chuckled at the blond's usual audacity.

Her whole body shaking as she laughed, the Princess settled back into her seat with a regal and amused air. "I will enjoy this," she said. She then clapped her hands and said in loud voice, "release the man eating beasts!"

"Man eating beasts!" said Scott, he whipped his head around frantically, as if expecting to be beheaded any moment.

Trumpets blew all around the stadium, providing the backdrop for the announcer as he began.

**"Gathered from all over Dahlia Island-"**

Scott ran to the passageway they came from and started pulling the iron bars. "We're gonna die- We're gonna die- We're gonna die-" he kept saying to himself.

**"The hungriest, the thirstiest, and the most vicious beasts that a man can ever encounter-"**

Naruto spun Scott around and put a hand on his shoulder. "Take it easy," he said with a grin. "Do you really think she will set something dangerous on us?"

Scott shivered, as he saw the other iron barred entrances lining the length of the arena, "t-tigers! She'll set tigers on us!" He grabbed Naruto and began shaking him.

Naruto scoffed, while going slightly dizzy from being shaken. "Ha! I eat tigers for breakfast!"

The iron bars rose and figures shrouded in shadows slowly crept forward. Grinning with their red and plump lips, with hands on their round and curvy hips.

**"Ladies and gentleman, I present to you-"**

Naruto punched the air, "bring it on tigers!"

**"Cougars!"**

Naruto and Scott stilled, their eyes widened as the comely figures in the shadows now became visible, giving them sultry winks and blowing kisses their way.

"…what?!" they yelled and grabbed each other in fright.

Long shapely arms circled around their shoulders from behind and pulled them back, hugging them against a generous bosom.

A shiver running through their spines, the two blonds gulped and creaked their heads slowly up.

A woman who can only be described as bombshell smiled down at them. She licked her lips, and whispered in an enticing voice.

"Hello, _boys._ My, my, don't you look absolutely _delicious._ "

"Aaaah!"

Naruto and Scott let out shrill screams and scrambled out of her grip, running away for dear life.

The woman smiled seductively, putting her hands on her hips. She grabbed the whip tied around her waist and snapped it at the air. "Aww, don't run away. Big sister will feel lonely if you run away," she said with a giggle as she stalked them.

Eating popcorn in her throne, Princess Char sighed happily. A palm to one cheek, the Princess smiled in satisfaction, watching the beasts hound their hapless prey.

After a while she picked up a stick and waved it in the air, pretending to conduct an orchestra.

* * *

_In Dahlia academy's courtyard_

The students gave odd looks to the Black Dog kid wandering the courtyard in circles. Suspending a pendant made of twigs from her hand, she followed the direction the twigs swayed towards.

She'd been doing that for about three hours now.

She'd first gone straight to her lab and found that it was the twigs which'd gotten stuck to her copter that were reacting to the feathers rather than her copter.

She wondered if she should design a radar to detect that red substance but then thought the better of it and went with just suspending the twigs from a thread and see where they took her.

So far they'd taken her from the lake shore to the courtyard, from the courtyard to the student administrative building, and then surprisingly to the elementary school grounds.

It seemed like whatever the source of the red substance was, it certainly got around.

She gulped.

She just hoped it wasn't alive or anything… like a living goop. That would be scary.

When on her about turn from the courtyard, the twig suddenly rose up higher, the pull stronger. She perked up and looked at her surroundings.

The White Cats dorm entrance greeted her.

She stomped on the ground and whined. Come on! Now that just wasn't fair!

She makes one breakthrough and just then another roadblock gleefully slams before her.

"Maybe I should wait for nee-san…" she said, huddling into herself and looking at the door with trepidation.

Hesitantly she took a few steps forward.

The twig vibrated excitedly, rising further up and pulling the thread taut.

She frowned and took a step back.

The twig drooped down sadly, sulking away from its previous height.

The girl put on a brave face that looked moments away from dissolving into whimpers.

"F-For science!"

She said, kicking open the door and running inside.

The White Cats started in surprise as they say her running in the corridors.

"Whoa! The hell!"

"What's a dog doing here! Let's kick her out!"

She shut her ears to their voices, and only focused on being fast enough to avoid them.

"Awesome! Racing time!"

One of them, a blond with black streaked hair, started running beside her and chatting about her day. Who the heck were Aby and Kitty?

"Look! Kitties!" The Black Dog yelled, pointing out a window.

The black streaked girl squealed happily and dove through the window yelling, "kitties!"

The Black Dog girl slowed to a halt, panting and leaning against a dorm-room with her hand. She wiped her sweat off with her sleeve and tried to raise her pendant.

The thread tore off.

Stumbling, she regained her balance and looked at the dorm-room's door.

The twigs were digging through the door, seemingly stuck to the wood.

Mustering her courage, she hesitantly turned the knob, flinching when it easily turned and gave way to the room. She poked her head in and saw it empty.

The twigs shot through the air and buried themselves on a bed.

The Black Dog girl hesitantly entered and closed the door behind her.

She'd found it.

Sweat rolled off her in buckets as she took quivering steps deeper into the room.

She was in the belly of the beast.

She sniffed the air, and her face pinched as the smell hit her.

The beast apparently liked ramen.

* * *

_Naruto and Scott's dorm-room_

The dorm-room slammed open with a smack against the wall, and in limped two worn out blonds, their faces adorned with lipstick stamped by kisses.

Neither of them heard the quiet 'eep!'

"I-I'm never stepping into town again," said Scott as he stumbled into the room, hanging onto the walls and walking in. "I heard about desperate housewives…" he shuddered, "but not ones with big-sister fantasies."

The whiskered blond's face was swollen red like a balloon, he rubbed his cheeks tenderly, sobbing, "I-I'm not a cat! I'm not a cat dammit!"

Scott gave him a deadpan face, stepped closer and brushed the back of his palm against his roommate's face.

The room was filled with satisfied purring.

"Sure… neko-chan," said the bespectacled boy shaking his head. "Or do you prefer kitty cat? The whole town's gonna call you that now… at least those man eating beasts will."

Naruto sobbed, burying his face in his hands, "S-Shut up! Dammit, I'm gonna shave that stupid fox bald!" he said, complaining to himself.

Scott chuckled and sat down on his bed, wincing as his body ached, "that demon inside you? What, did he whisper in your ear to unleash your hatred?" He put his glasses on his desk and leaned against the wall adjoining his bed. "Hang in there, Naruto!" he said dramatically with a grin, "the ladies love you! If you let go, who would they be their little kitty!"

Pouting at the snickering boy, Naruto said, "hey, I'm not the one they slipped their numbers to." He smirked as the other boy jerked back and quickly began unloading slips of papers from his pockets. "Woohoo, look at Mr. Popular, Persia's got some serious competition."

Scott glared back, muttering under his breath. "As if." Dumping the slips into the trash can. He pursed his lips and said with difficulty, "our date's more the competition than these… ladies of questionable motives."

"…wait, whaaat?" said Naruto, flopping onto his bed, which squeaked. He turned to the other boy, "you saying what I think you're saying?" a mischievous smile slowly spread on his face.

"Courting a Princess isn't for the faint of heart," said Scott, looking uncomfortable. "…she's going to do something like this again." He gave the whiskered blond an accusing stare, "you get where I'm going with this, don't you?"

The ninja beamed back at his roommate, "you're the pilot and I'm your wingman." He flew his palm through the air like a plane, "and we're about to flirt with danger."

Scott palmed his face, "just… enough to make her avoid us. Got it?" He sighed.

Naruto smiled back, and nodded. Mentally however, he breathed a sigh of relief and thanked the Sage. He'd feel less of a backstabber now.

Persia sure put him in a difficult spot.

The two of them then turned in for the night, tucking themselves into their beds. Scott had a change of clothes and wiped the lipstick off his face before retiring, while Naruto just buried his face in his pillow.

His tenant reached out to him.

_"Uh, there's a human on the bed."_

Naruto snorted. Well duh, he was a human.

_"No, I mean-"_

Naruto scowled. He wasn't a cat!

_"Listen-"_

Not a cat!

_"Fine! Sheesh! Don't blame me tomorrow, drama queen! Tch, you make one joke and everyone's-"_

Naruto tuned out the Kyuubi's ramblings and let the sandman sprinkle dust in his eyes and take him to the land of dreams.

He never noticed the bundle under the sheets yawn and huddle closer to him.

The bundle began snoring.

* * *

_The next morning_

The sun rays hit the whispered blond's face, rousing him from his slumber.

Smacking his lips and opening his eyes, Naruto woke up, lying on his back, to find a black haired girl sleeping on top of him whilst hugging him around the neck. He flinched in surprise.

Reacting to the sudden movement, the girl herself yawned and her eyes fluttered open. Seeing the blond under her staring with shocked eyes, she remembered her manners and inclined her head meekly.

"G-Good morning," she squeaked out, "I'm W-Wang Teria."

"O-Oh, hi," came out Naruto's high pitched voice, "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, nice to meet you."

Teria took full stock of her situation, looking about herself, where she was, and who she was hugging. Naruto understood that she understood that they both understood the situation.

They both took a deep breath and-

"Aaaaaaaah!"

They screamed together.

"W-What the hell are you doing in my room!" said Naruto, shooting up and scrambling away from the bed.

"P-Pervert! L-Let me go!" said Teria, with a vice grip around his neck and dangling off him.

"Y-You're the one choking me! You let go!" said Naruto, coughing. He hit his knee against a drawer and the two of them tumbled down with squawks. "What the hell do you even want!" said Naruto, lying groaning on his back with his face up to the girl's embarrassed face.

The door to the dorm-room swung open, with Scott and Persia leading the entourage of White Cats that arrived at the screams. Their eyes widened at seeing the Black Dog girl hugging the downed Uzumaki. Bear in mind, Naruto still had the lipstick marks on his face.

With the will of Science, and her inborn clumsiness backing her, Teria said out loud, with utter conviction, and determined eyes,

"I want your body!"

It was at this moment that Naruto realized his reputation would probably go down the drain. Face paling, the blond tripped over himself to clear any misunderstandings. Meanwhile, with shadowed eyes and twitching fingers, Persia slowly unsheathed her sword.

"W-Why do you want my body!" said Naruto, hoping that it'd clear the air.

Teria replied with burning eyes, giving him an intense stare.

"I want to experiment with you!"

Naruto gaped at her, wondering if she was real. He lightly knocked her head wondering if anyone was home. "Sheesh kid, what are you-"

She interrupted him with a pout, pushing away his hand from her head, "I-I'm not a kid, I'm fourteen." She then tugged on his collar, "c-can we get started? I'm not getting any younger." She sighed dreamily, "the things we can do together…" She gave him a shy smile.

Naruto began laughing, a hysterical tinge to it.

Reputation? What reputation? He should probably report himself to the police.

But hey, at least Kurama would be getting a new haircut soon. And he gonna look _dapper._ He was thinking tiny bows at the ends of ponytails, but was also partial to afros and dreads.

Decisions. Decisions.

"Eek!" he yelped as a sword buried itself right beside his face. He shot up to his feet, with Teria hanging off him. Backing up to the wall, he gulped looking at Persia's sad face, "h-hey Persia, let's talk about this-"

"Naruto Uzumaki was like a brother to me," Persia began in a morose tone, pulling her sword free and giving him a glare, "to preserve our good memory of him, today he shall be laid to rest." She charged at him.

"Gaah!" Naruto yelled as he ducked under her thrust. Putting his hands under Teria's legs and back, he got her in a bridal carry and then dove through the window leading outside the dorm.

He heard Persia yelling his name as he ran through the street. Students raised their brows at him and his passenger as he passed them by.

Having run all the way to the abandoned dorm, Naruto set her down and gave her an annoyed frown.

She looked up him with amazed eyes, "you ran so fast and you're not even tired?" She tilted her head at him, "you have a lot of stamina, don't you."

Naruto gave her a mirthless smile. Wow, she made _that_ sound dirty.

Teria continued, tapping her chin and frowning, "does that red stuff help?"

Naruto blinked.

Kurama growled at him.

_"Human, she_ knows. _Something on her is calling out to my chakra."_

Naruto's smile became sharper and he put a hand on the girl's shoulder.

She squeaked and backed away from him, covering herself with her hands and pressing herself against the building's wall.

"W-What are you doing?" She gulped, as he began chuckling, "w-why are you looking at me like t-that?"

"You're gonna get what you want kid," Naruto grinned, baring his fangs at her, "we're about to get _intimate._ "

Teria nodded with an excited smile. She pulled out a pen and started writing on her palm.

"O-Okay, can you take your shirt off before we begin?"

Naruto recoiled back with shock, falling flat on his butt.

"Holy shit, kid, how dirty is your head! Screw this, I'm out!"

The Uzumaki took off running, leaving the Black Dog behind.

"H-Hey, get back here!" She began chasing him, throwing nets at him through her sleeves, "d-don't tease me like that! Finish what you started!"

And so that morning the students of Dahlia academy were treated to the sight of Uzumaki Naruto running through the academy streets with tears in his eyes as he bemoaned the loss of his good name, while being chased by a girl who kept exclaiming that he was the only one who could satisfy her.

Kurama lent his expert opinion on the matter with a smug grin.

_"I told you so~"_

Naruto shouted.

"Shut the hell up you overgrown hairball!"

Teria threw more nets at him.

Staring at this spectacle were two girls, a White Cat and a Black Dog, hidden from view behind a statue in the courtyard. Princess Char and Hasuki frowned as they watched the Uzumaki clowning around.

"You sure he's not just a weirdo? Please tell me he's not the guy," said Hasuki, biting her lip.

"Oh, he knows alright," said the Princess, brushing her hair. "Persia told me as such."

"…Hasuki doesn't trust him," said Hasuki, crossing her arms.

The Princess shrugged, "neither do I." She smirked, "how far are you willing to go for your dear Inuzuka?"

Gripping her fists, Hasuki looked back with a glare, "I'd do anything."

The Princess grinned back at her as ideas began hatching in her head.

She giggled.

Dealing with the Uzumaki was a gift that kept on giving.

She made a rectangle with the thumbs and index fingers of her hands and peered at a frowning Hasuki through it.

Now all she had to do was choose between blonde or red.

"Hey what're you doing? You got a plan?" said the Black Dog. "It's not something stupid right?"

Princess Char waved her off with a carefree smile, "don't worry about it. You just have to seduce him."

Hasuki tilted her head. "Oh…"

Things clicked into place in her head.

Her face burned up and her eyes became big. She stammered.

"W-Wait, what?!"


	8. Chapter 7 - Black Dogs guide to getting guys!

**Chapter 7 -** **Black Dogs guide to getting guys!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Boarding School Juliet**

**Author's Note:**

**Names convention**

**People from Touwa and Naruto:-**

**Lastname Firstname**

**Example:- Inuzuka Romio**

**People from the West Duchy:-**

**Firstname Lastname**

**Example:- Juliet Persia**

* * *

_In the Black Dogs dorm library_

Komai Hasuki was a diligent student, the smartest of the bunch you could say out of all the Black Dogs. Give her a problem and she'd either solve it or prove it couldn't be solved. Being a top scorer in every test until then, it was kind of understandable that it miffed her that tests themselves were canceled.

" _Uzumaki_ ," she growled out the name, grinding her teeth as she picked out the books from the shelves. Frowning at her lackluster selection she clicked her tongue and shoved them back in.

Inuzuka had no more reason to seek her out. The very thing that birthed their friendship no longer existed.

What use was she now?

She couldn't be his girlfriend.

She couldn't be his tutor.

And she couldn't even be the one he confided in.

She scowled.

A _White Cat_ had to tell her that the Uzumaki knew Inuzuka's secret.

Oh, she was sure that Inuzuka had the best of intentions. Probably didn't want her dragged into his mess. She frowned as she left her present aisle and made her way to another. But it still stung.

"Damn you, Uzumaki," she found herself saying as she crossed her hands and gripped her fists, "make me more irrelevant, why don't you." Her eyes fell upon more rows of books as she sought out their titles.

Seriously, what the heck did she even have now? What could she call hers?

Her test scores? Well, they were just memories now.

She helped out the other Black Dogs… they loved her for that. Did that count as hers?

She wanted, and _still_ wants, Inuzuka to be hers. Hasuki bit her lip as her heart started aching. She couldn't even wish for his relationship with Persia to end. She barked a humorless laugh and shook her head.

She could never wish sadness upon him.

Not even if it made her insides throb with agony and jealousy.

Inuzuka-kun was her best friend.

How could Hasuki be happy if Inuzuka-kun wasn't?

Hasuki glared at the bookshelves, her finger gliding over the hardbacks.

Persia would have it coming if she dared make Inuzuka-kun cry.

Hasuki chuckled. The big baby cried rather easily after all.

Her finger stopped over the hardcover of a book which'd seen better days. The binding's thread splayed out, with the pages seemingly worn with age.

She read the title out loud, "Black Dogs guide to getting guys! - 100% idiot proofed! - by Chiwa and Turkish!"

She cracked a grin at the title and opened the first page. It read-

_'I had nothing to do with this -Turkish._

_'What do you mean? You're the idiot I'm talking about :P -Chiwa._

_'…were you not my girlfriend you would find yourself at the end of my blade. So exasperating -Turkish._

_'Whip it out, big boy! Let's see what you're packing! XD -Chiwa._

_'Oh. My. God. I don't know you. Please don't associate with me anymore. -Turkish._

_'Ya know you love me! :) (hugs) -Chiwa._

_'…(not blushing) -Turkish.'_

Hasuki giggled at how adorable they sounded and took the book over to a desk. Sitting down, she began reading it in earnest, flipping through the yellowed pages.

Her lips curled up with resolution as a spark lit in her eyes.

So the Uzumaki liked taking what was hers huh?

Well then, she'd just have to take _him_ instead. And make a nice Uzumaki stew out of him. Would be nice for a change. Let _him_ stew over her and see how he liked it…

The Princess' words came to her unbidden.

_"Seal his lips with yours!"_

Hasuki palmed her face as a blush threatened to invade her cheeks. She grumbled under her breath. That Princess had _way_ too much time on her hands.

_"…wow, I expected more resistance."_

What? Who else could she trust other than herself? Someone had to get close to the blond. And Inuzuka-kun seemed more concerned with making moony eyes at Persia than looking after his own butt.

And the Princess?

…the less said about her the better.

_"First, you gotta find what makes him tick. And then voila! You say jump_ _and he'll ask how many times! Haah, it's cute when they resist at first."_

Seriously, she was doing the Uzumaki a favor by volunteering herself.

_"The trick is to make them_ like _it. After that, they'll be_ _hanging on to your words like they were divine commandments. It's a_ _cinch when they start kissing your feet and calling you mistress._ _Hehehe."_

Aaand that was when she decided that girl talk with the Princess probably wasn't a good idea. Not unless she wanted to make a masochist out of the Uzumaki.

He was kinda funny just the way he was.

_"Are you an angel? 'Cause you musta fell from heaven."_

…kinda cute too.

She blinked. Why did she start hearing his voice?

_"If I can make you smile, even just a tiny bit, it makes my entire day."_

Hasuki coughed lightly and glared down at the book. He said that to _everyone_ , and only to the White Cats… Not like he peeked a glance at her when he said that or anything…

Hasuki palmed her face and a low whine came off her. Blood gushed up the freeway known as her face, lighting the skin pink.

_"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, I'm new around here."_

No. No. No. No.

_"And I know we just met and this may sound crazy."_

Shut up. Shut up. Shut _up_.

_"But marry me maybe?"_

"Aaaah!"

Hasuki slammed her head against the desk with a loud thud. Blushing in full force. "Damn you, Uzumaki!" She dug her head into the wood, scowling.

You do _not_ propose to a girl and expect her heart to sit still.

Hasuki growled.

She wanted her still heart back, thank you!

She was just doing this for Inuzuka-kun!

Embarrassed, and hoping to clear her thoughts, she twisted her head up and started reading the first chapter of the book.

_'Chiwa's step 1: You gotta be honest with your feelings!'_

Hasuki's eyes widened, and her heart, to her dismay, started beating faster.

"Aaaaah!"

She screamed, cupping her face into her palms.

Screw that Uzumaki for making her emotions go haywire!

"Oh my god, would you shut up! This is a library!" said a group of students sending her angry frowns.

Hasuki gave them a nod in apology and continued losing her mind under her breath.

Her eyes narrowed resolutely.

That bastard thought he could do this to her and get away with it?

She'd have him pining after her by the end of the month!

…of course, she was just doing this to protect Inuzuka-kun.

She grinned to herself.

It _totally_ made sense.

Her grin wavered.

Right?

* * *

_Kurama's domain_

Kurama stared down at the child running her hand over his tails. He stared at his idiot of a container. He stared back at the girl who started rubbing her face against his tails with shy giggles. He stared at his nincompoop of a container.

All in all, Kurama could just stare in amazement.

Naruto gave him an embarrassed smile, rubbing the back of his head.

Slapping his face, Kurama dragged his palm down his maw. Ladies and gentlemen, the first among idiots, Uzumaki Naruto.

"So fluffy!" Teria squealed and threw herself into a cushion of his tails. Hugging them with a happy smile.

Kurama glowered. When did he go from a natural disaster to a plushie?

He turned his miffed eyes to his container. Who winced under the judging stare.

"Really?" said the tailed beast.

"W-What?" said his idiot. "I-I thought you'd like to make a friend?" The idiot said it like he was unsure himself.

"Really?" said the beast, not acknowledging his container. "She finds out our secret and you bring her straight to the source?"

"You're a secret?" said the girl, poking her head out of the red tails. She smiled, "you're a pretty fascinating secret." She stared up at the tailed beast without a hint of fear.

Kurama glowered at the look of awe being sent his way. He missed being the terror of the nights, and the father of nightmares. Maybe he should eat the little human. Just to prove a point. He narrowed his eyes and gave the girl a devious grin.

He bent his giant head down and opened his jaw wide enough to cover her height.

Naruto's eyes shot wide open, having seen the glint in the beast's eye. He ran forward, his arm outstretched.

If the beast expected the girl to shriek in fright, he was sorely disappointed.

With no sense of self-preservation, Teria poked her head into his open jaws, and said with her hands cupped around her mouth, "hello!"

Her voice echoed back at her.

"Hello… hello… hello…"

"That's a deep mouth," she said absent-mindedly, knocking her fist against the fox's teeth. "How do you support all that weight?"

Naruto gave up on understanding her and lied down for a nap. Deciding that his partner could deal with her. The beast could use someone to yap at other than him.

The Kyuubi drew back sharply. Glaring at the small human. "You calling me fat?!"

Teria sat down on one of his tails. "Not really, you're an adorable bunny." She giggled, hiding her mouth behind her sleeves. "What a strange dream," she said to herself gazing at the sewer's plumbing.

"I'm a fox. Not a rabbit."

Teria froze. "W-W-What?" she said, quivers entering her bones.

"Yeah? Can't you see my snout?" Kurama turned to give her a good view. "Beautiful, innit?"

"Y-Y-You're a dog?" she said, slowing inching towards the snoozing blond.

Kurama smelled the fear off her, and his lips twisted up into a wicked grin. Now _that's_ more like it. "Yeah, dog's are my dumb cousins." He hunched down on all fours, and started circling the now shaking girl, cutting her away from his container. He prowled around her, seeing every inch of her terror.

The beast barked out a malicious laugh, as she crouched on the floor and huddled into herself, warding him off with her hands.

Kurama drew nearer and nearer with each circle. He smirked. How fitting. For a child of man to be covering before him.

He was the nine tailed fox.

He was a _demon._

An abomination born out of a cursed tree.

He should be respected.

Feared.

_Reviled._

Did centuries of contempt for a species as pathetic as humans wash away just because he made peace with one of them?

Not a chance.

They trapped him the death god's _stomach_ for Sage's sake.

One doesn't forget being in the belly of a deity.

He looked down at the girl with contempt as she began hiccuping.

What would she do when she grew up? Probably suck the life of the planet. Just another parasite.

Them and their stupid wars. Them and their stupid lies.

Round and round, like their merry-go-round.

This girl was smart. She found him out.

Left alone, she would have made weapons for money. Or chemicals to kill. And oh no, she'd kill the crops and trees as well. It was _strategy_ after all.

Kill. Murder. Genocide.

Kurama sneered.

He'd seen it all.

And now having found a source of power far greater than anything she'd ever know…

What would she do now?

He wanted the answer.

Training his senses on her negative emotions he crouched on all fours, bending forward.

He asked her.

"Why did you seek out Uzumaki Naruto."

Teria looked back with frightened eyes. Her mouth sewn shut.

Kurama growled. He plodded over to the blond who was still asleep. He ground out, raising a fist over him.

"Tell me, or I'll smash him to paste."

"N-No! Don't hurt him!" Teria took shuddering breaths as she tried to calm herself. "I-I want to know more about the red energy."

"What will you do with it?"

"I don't know what it can do yet. But…" the girl frowned, "it can generate a strong pull, if I can make a generator out of that…"

Kurama gave her a sardonic smile.

"We can sell it to the highest bidder right?"

Teria looked back with confusion.

"W-What?"

The Kyuubi grinned.

"I'll tell you a little secret. With the red energy, all your loved ones can be protected." His tails lazily waved in the air. "Nothing of consequence shall touch them."

"R-Really?" The girl gained some cheer, looking hopeful.

The beast gleefully crushed that hope.

"Who can harm you when all your enemies are _dead_." The nine tails laughed. "Shall we do it?" He gave her a penetrating stare. "We can blast the West Duchy to smithereens. They'll never threaten your home again."

The girl had horror written all over her face. Her face pinched in and she mustered a cutting glare at the beast.

"Y-You're horrible!" She gripped her fists at her sides. "You take something amazing and pervert it! That's just awful."

"I learned from the best," said Kurama, rolling his eyes. "What will _you_ make out of it?"

"I-I don't know-"

"Just use your imagination."

"Oh," Teria furrowed her brow, "flying cars? Hover boards?" She pursed her lips, "maybe it can act as an invisible prosthetic?" She glanced at the Uzumaki, who had yet to open his eyes, "a-and given Uzumaki-kun's stamina… maybe it has biological applications as well? …drive insurance down." She gave the beast a shrug, "we can grow bigger and healthier trees?"

"What will you do if your creations are stolen and used in service of death bringing?"

"You're extrapolating-"

"What. Will. _You._ Do." The beast interrupted her with a hard glare.

The girl stared down at the sewer waters with a frown. Before she looked back at the beast with steel in her eyes. With not a quiver in her voice, she said.

"I'll take full responsibility."

Kurama's eyes sharpened. There! That was what he was looking for. Grinning with malice, he focused all his senses at the girl's negativity, hoping to find the grains of lies.

.

.

.

Teria shifted uncomfortably, rubbing her ankle with her foot. The fox staring at her with an evil smile was beginning to get awkward. She said, "I said I'd take full resp-"

"Yeah, yeah. Just shut up for a moment," said Kurama, his stare becoming more confused by the moment. Where the heck were the specks of dishonesty? "Okay, just to be clear, what do you mean by taking responsibility?"

Teria gained her determined look again, "I _won't_ sit idle when something I made will be use-"

"Yeah, okay," said Kurama, waving her off. Horror slowly dawning on his face. He mentally yelped. Oh _shit_.

He sat down on the ground, put his head on the floor, and covered his snout with his hands. He began grumbling miserably, shaking his head in disbelief. His ears flopped down.

Small hands prodded at his paws. "A-Are you okay, d-doggy?"

Kurama began crying with despair.

Why?

Just why did he have to meet another genuine idiot?

Now who would be his chew toy? He had to be her _friend_ now.

Sage dammit, he just wanted to flex his power. Was that too much to ask?

He turned his giant eye to the girl, standing near his paws and still shivering, and giving him a concerned frown. Kurama groaned, dear Sage he was threatening her and she was worried about him. He turned his head to her with a glare, wanting to make one thing perfectly clear.

"Little human," he growled out. She jerked to attention looking at him with wide eyes, "afraid of dogs are you?"

She gulped in response and looked ready to take flight at the slightest provocation.

Kurama sighed, as he felt his scare factor evaporate at his next words, "I'm a bunny." His ears rose and moved from side to side. "I was just messing with you." Kurama looked pained. "And, uh… _sorry._ " The beast glowered at the floor. Oh Sage he was becoming a wuss.

A girl shaped bundle immediately dove into his fur. "That wasn't very funny, Mr. Bunny." Came her muffled voice. The fur came off wet where she'd rubbed her face against it.

Kurama winced at the wimpy name. Oh Sage, what did he just do. At least there was no way his siblings would ever know of this.

Snort.

The beast's eyes snapped to the source of that exhale.

A blond ninja gave him an amused grin, staring at him with a mischievous smile. He said, "aww, did the big scawy nine-tails make a widdle friend?" He clasped his hands and asked with an earnest face and shining eyes. "Can I be your friend too, bunny wunny?"

Teria lifted her head and said, "can he, Mr. Bunny. Can he?" An excited gleam in her eyes. "We can be the bunny bunch!"

Naruto parroted her, "can I, Mr. Bunny. Can I?" A face splitting grin on him as he quivered with suppressed laughter.

Eyes twitching, the beast swore to get back at his container. He then released some of his chakra a fair distance away and said, "little human, what's that over there?" He pointed with his finger.

Teria looked where he was pointing and gasped, seeing a floating blob of the nine-tails' chakra. "I-I'll be right back!" she said as she scampered away with an excited face.

Kurama scowled at his container. "You're an asshole, you know?" He flicked the ninja with his finger, making him yelp and crash into the ground. "Making me do your dirty work," bit out the beast.

Rubbing his head with a wince and sitting up, Naruto said, "sorry. But it's your chakra she found out, not mine." He shrugged. "Figured it's your decision whether to trust her." He grinned. "Ain't that right, Mr. Bunny?"

Mr. Bunny growled.

Naruto continued, "also… she'd kinda scary." He said, looking at Teria observing the red chakra with a clinical gaze and noting things down with a pen on her palm. "Remember that thing calling out to your chakra?" The beast nodded. "Turns out she can make tracking bullets out of them." Naruto shuddered, "she has other crazy ideas as well."

Kurama's brow furrowed. "She can kill you if she catches you unawares?"

"Yup," said Naruto, jumping to his feet. He lifted his shirt to show a thin rubber vest, "she gave me this to wear, it insulates your chakra or something." He grinned. "She's a good kid, even if she's scary."

The two of them stared at the girl in silence, watching her work.

"You gonna tell her your name?" said Naruto.

The nine-tails shrugged.

Naruto grinned. "Maybe she'll call you Ku-chan?" He started towards the girl in a merry jaunt. "I'll be right back."

Kurama growled. "I will _end_ you."

Naruto cupped his hands around his mouth. "Oh, Teria-chan~"

Kurama roared and began charging a bijuu-dama.

Much scuffling and roughhousing later, Teria scolded Ku-chan and Uzumaki-kun for wasteful use of their chakra.

A bruised Naruto beamed at her throughout the lecture, elbowing the beast's paw whenever she called him Ku-chan.

A ruffled Kurama covered his face and whined pitifully whenever she called him Ku-chan.

The wagging tails behind him were another matter however.

Kurama swore they had a mind of their own.

* * *

_Black Dogs guide to getting guys!_

Huddling behind a tree, and peeking a glance at her prey, Hasuki observed the Uzumaki seated lazily on the park bench and yawning. His knees folded over the other and his hands behind his head, the smiling Uzumaki made small talk with the elementary kids as they played around him.

Some wanted him to jump on their sand castles, and others wanted him to be the cheating wife in their house play.

She observed with surprise that the kids were a mix of both Black Dogs and White Cats.

Hasuki glanced down at her book.

_'Chiwa's Step 2: First things first. Congratulations on admitting that you're head over heels for the boy you're after! You pass Step 1 with flying colors!'_

Hasuki bit her lip and grumbled with pink cheeks. She just wanted to seal his lips.

…and _no._ Not in that way!

She shut her eyes and shook her head hard. Having sufficiently untangled herself from _that_ line of thinking, she continued reading.

_'I bet you want to capture his lips now don't you ;). We'll get there don't worry!'_

Hasuki gave up on putting a toll gate before her face's arteries.

_'Now, you gotta approach him! Don't worry about embarrassing yourself_ _, the important thing is even if you mess up he'll notice you. And that's a start!_

_'Note: This is not advice to become a stalker -Turkish._

_'Hey, stop writing over my tips! -Chiwa.'_

Shutting the book, Hasuki took a deep breath and smiled, pouring all her emotions for the blond into it.

It looked like a slasher's grin.

With a skip in her beat she sauntered towards the gaggle of kids and the teenager.

Feeling the menacing aura rolling off the girl, the kids all stiffened and shot her wary looks. Stopping their play, they all crouched before the Uzumaki in two lines leading up to him, and shoved lollipops into their mouths and wore shades before their eyes. They all pouted like hardened delinquents.

Ignoring the weird kids, Hasuki began, beaming at the whiskered blond who was holding his stomach and chuckling. "Hi there! Nice weather-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," said a Black Dog kid, giving her a skeptical frown. "Who's da hoe?"

A White Cat girl gave Hasuki an unimpressed scoff and said, "you think you can just approach gang-leader? You new to town, chica?" She put her hand forward expectantly, "pay up the tribute!"

"Tribute?" Hasuki blinked at her. "What tribute?" She gave the Uzumaki a disbelieving stare. Did he make a gang out of little kids? "Uzumaki…-kun, what are they talking about?" She added the honorific as an afterthought. Might as well make him feel special.

Two Black Dogs kids, a boy and a girl, sitting on either side of the Uzumaki on the bench started speaking between themselves.

"Wow, look at that, Kai. She doesn't even know aniki is the King of the block."

Kai snickered. "Don't be too hard on her, Kuri. Not all old people are as smart as aniki." He shook his head at Hasuki, "all those wrinkles makes them dumb."

Kai and Kuri laughed at the high-schooler.

The high-schooler glared, "what wrinkles you brats?" She swept her gaze over all of them, "just what the heck is going on?"

Kai and Kuri grinned. Kuri said, "I'm glad you asked! Kai! Let's take it from the top!"

Nodding with a smile, Kai began, "a long time ago, in a playground far far away-"

Kuri joined in, "the rebel dogs were fighting a losing war against the imperial cats. With every battle lost, more and more toys were forfeit-"

"But then, out of nowhere, came a shining star from the unknown reaches of the park, offering his help in retaking the jungle gym-"

"The doggies didn't trust the newbie, a wolf in sheep's clothing is what they thought-"

"So he won their hearts by giving them what they always wished for but never thought could really happen."

Kai and Kuri spoke together in a reverent tone giving the Uzumaki looks of awe, "he freed them from exams!" They dove into his sides and hugged him with squeals, making the ninja smile.

All the kids became teary eyed at that and raised their lollipops in a toast to their gang-leader.

Hasuki grumbled at the reminder.

Kai continued, "after that, the imperial cats wanted aniki for themselves, offering up all the conquered toys-"

Kuri continued, "but aniki was having none of it. So he challenged the cats to an all or nothing, high stakes game of laser tag for the turf-"

The White Cats kids began speaking. Some of them sniffing with tears as they gave the Uzumaki, who was scratching his cheek in embarrassment, looks of respect.

"It was over in seconds."

"You're amazing, gang-leader!"

A White Cat girl began bawling.

"He gave all our toys back even after he rightfully won them! I love you, boss!"

Kuri continued, "and there was peace forever!"

Kai finished, "the end!"

The brother and sister high-fived and giggled as the Uzumaki ruffled their hair.

Hasuki gave them all disbelieving looks, blinking her eyes and shaking her head. She didn't remember elementary school being that… intense.

Sending a grin her way, Naruto said, "so Komai-san, what brings you to my turf?" He leaned forward with his hands clasped and looked at her with a twinkle in his eyes.

Running her fingers through her ponytail, Hasuki said, "umm, I was just passing by and saw you so-"

Naruto jerked back with shock, his eyes widening. "Aha! I knew it! She's a spy from the high-schoolers!" The kids gasped and shot up to their feet. "Get her, kids! Before she reports back to base!" The kids pulled out guns from behind their backs, removed the safety and took aim.

Hasuki gawked.

Naruto threw his hand forward, "fire!"

Hasuki shrieked, throwing her hands before her, covering herself.

Jets of water hit her as the kids unloaded their water guns on her with peals of laughter.

Hasuki shrieked louder as the cold water splashed her all over. Sending jolts of shock through her skin.

The first wave of attack subsided as the kids ran out of water and hurried to the nearby fountain for a refill.

Grimacing, Hasuki looked at the drops the dripped from her drenched uniform and hair. Then she found the handle of a water gun being offered to her, she looked up to see the whiskered blond grinning at her. Her eyes narrowed, make a joke of her will he? Well she'd turn the tables on him.

She gave him a bashful smile and put her hand on his cheek, her smile widened as he stiffened. "Aww, did you want to see me wet that badly, Uzumaki-kun?"

The blond's eyes widened and he sputtered as he began backing away, "w-what? N-No!" He shook his head rapidly, his breath becoming labored as the girl kept closing the distance between them. "J-Just wanted to p-play-"

The girl giggled. "You wanted to _play_ with me? Rawr." She winked and made pawing motions at him with her hand. Giddiness filled her as she saw the boy blushing up a storm and stammer a response. His big eyes were focused on her and only her, sending a thrill through her whole body.

She grinned. This was fun.

The boy gulped as his back hit a tree and he ran out of ground behind him, only an advancing girl before him. If she started stroking his cheek, things would get _very_ awkward for him. He stared mesmerized at her smiling and mischievous face. Just what the heck was happening? Oh Sage, she was really, really close.

And her clothes were sticking to her body, showing off her figure in explicit detail. He gulped, trying to keep his gaze focused on her eyes. Though looking a bit lower was _quite_ tempting.

Naruto shivered. Crap.

He had to distract her!

"Look! Crossdressman!" He pointed behind her, pretending to look excited.

The girl didn't bat an eyelash. "Yeah, you do look good in a dress." She said, giving him a once over and grinning. "Crossdress-who? I only wanna crossdress you."

Well shit. Naruto laughed with embarrassment. He didn't know crossdressing was a turn on. Plan B then.

He careened his neck towards another direction. "Yo, hey wassup, Inuzuka? Ready for our rematch?" He said, punching a fist into his palm.

Hasuki's eyes widened and she jumped away from the Uzumaki like he were live wire. She whirled around, with a panicked face, "I-Inuzuka-kun! This isn't what it looks… like…" Her face blanked as she saw nobody there. She turned to the Uzumaki with flat eyes. "Really?"

Panting and regaining his bearings while squatting on the floor, Naruto frowned at her. "Look, I'm tired of cheating on little kids who're pretending to be my husbands!" he said with frazzled eyes. "I didn't want to see you w-wet or anything! Water guns were all I had!" He said, averting his gaze and shuddering. "J-Just play along for a while? I'll make it up to you!" He proffered her a water pistol.

Hasuki gave him a shark like grin and crouched before him with half-lidded eyes. "You can make it up to me _now._ " She grabbed his hand and leaned closer.

Naruto yelped and fell on his butt. "S-Stop that!" he complained, with a sulking face.

Laughing, the girl took the water pistol. "Sure, I'll hold you to your promise." She then helped him to his feet, delighting in the skittish grasp with which he held her hand. She snickered. Good to know she had leverage on him.

"She's attacking the boss, get her!" the kids roared, coming back from their refill and charging at her with their guns at ready.

Naruto grabbed his own water gun, pointed it at the kids and said, "oh no! The pretty witch has charmed me with her beauty!" The kids as they yelped when he shot at them, making him snicker. "Save me, gang!"

The 'witch's' cheeks heated up at his comments.

Scowling at being so easy to rile up, Hasuki took out her frustration by splashing little kids with cold water.

As the game went on, Hasuki wondered how her day devolved into playing water tag with the elementary school children and her target.

She giggled as she watched Naruto get dog-piled by the kids while having water splashed at his face.

This was definitely not how she pictured things would go.

She smiled.

She didn't think she'd have this much fun.

"Oh god, not the face! Not the face!" Naruto cried from underneath the pile as the kids began slapping sense into their gang-leader.

She watched with a lop-sided grin. Maybe she should help the poor blond?

Hasuki laughed. _Nah_ , she'd rather charm him again and see him slapped around.

"Oh, Uzumaki-kun~" She sang as she leisurely made her way towards him.

* * *

_In the Prefects' room_

"Your underclassman, he will be dealt with I presume?" said the Black Dogs head prefect, standing up from his desk, gathering his papers.

Rolling a pen between his fingers and reading the document before him, Cait waved him away, not bothering to look at him, "things are in motion. You needn't concern yourself."

"Good. I look forward to seeing less of him," said Airu, pushing his glasses up. "Enough troublemakers as it is," he said, shaking his head as he left the room, opening the door and closing it behind him.

Cait smirked and leaned back in his chair.

"Sorry, dear Airu. I'm afraid you'll be sorely disappointed."

* * *

_Before the White Cats Dorm_

He'd given it a week, staying away from the dorm and only sleeping in the woods or his study shack. Naruto let out an uneasy chuckle.

Rows of unhappy, angry White Cats greeted him.

He grimaced at their glares. Maybe he should've given it a month. He tried to find Persia and Scott among the crowd but couldn't see them anywhere.

The crowd started their jeers.

"Well, well, well. So the dog lover's back?"

"Where's your little doggy? Tired of her? Got a new one?"

"Give us your uniform, you're wearing the wrong colors."

Naruto scowled at them. Was this all it amounted to? Being related to a Touwan was enough to be condemned? Sage, he was happy it was him being ridiculed and not Persia.

His face hardened. This just motivated him even more.

He wouldn't let Persia face this shit.

The same bloody shit Vermie had to face.

So far, he was able to knock sense into the elementary kids. He rolled his neck, now time to do the same for the high-schoolers.

But first, he had to get it out of their heads that they could afford to lose him. It'd make his life _much_ easier.

He began with a cocky grin.

"Ya want me to pack my bags, you tough guys and gals?"

The White Cats in the front sneered in response. But the ones at the back looked stricken, unsure whether to come to his aid or not. The ones in the middle couldn't care less and just stood around for the show.

Naruto continued. "You must _love_ exams, huh?"

The White Cats frowned.

"Imagine what's gonna happen if I leave." Naruto's razor sharp grin washed over them. "The Principal loses his ace in the hole." He gave them a mocking laugh. "What do you think will greet you with a happy hug when that happens?"

The White Cats' mouths dropped in realization. They saw the blond before them with new eyes.

Naruto chuckled. "That's right. So get this through your thick skulls. You can't _afford_ to-"

"Kitty! You're back!"

Naruto blanched, he turned his head sideways just in time to see a blond missile headed his way. Diving towards him and sailing through the air, the missile caught him around the stomach and crashed the both of them to the ground.

Straddling him, Somali laughed as she pinched his cheeks and made modern art of his face, with playful twists and turns of his skin. "Where were you, Kitty? Aby and I missed you!"

Through the pain of his cheeks being ripped apart, Naruto saw a red headed boy step closer and look down on him with a mocking smirk. "My, are those wedding bells I hear?"

Somali stopped messing with Naruto, turned to the other boy with a pout, and punched him in the gut, knocking out his breath out and doubling him over. "Leave the jokes to Kitty, Aby."

Rubbing his cheeks with a groan, Naruto said to the wheezing boy, "t-thanks, man." He looked at the girl sitting on him, who smiled back, seemingly having no intention of getting up yet. "Um, I'm kinda having a dramatic confrontation right now… So if you could just?"

"N-No, keep him there," said Aby, coughing and taking deep breaths. He shook his head once as he regained his composure. He crouched down and resumed his supercilious smile at the Uzumaki. "Have my lessons taught you _nothing_ , Naruto?"

Naruto frowned in response. "What? You just taught me history for the mid-terms."

Aby nodded, "and that didn't inform you better?" He lifted his head and saw the White Cats closing in on them with confused scowls. "You have _no_ finesse, Uzumaki. You're supposed to make them _want_ you here. Not fear you leaving,"

The red headed boy smirked, as he shone under the scornful attention directed their way. He said, "You made a good mess of things. But no matter." He stood up and rolled his shoulders. "Every crisis is an opportunity, and we shall grab it." He gave Naruto a predatory grin, "I'm about to help you now."

Naruto instantly went on guard. "What are you trying to pull, Aby?"

Paying the ninja no mind, Aby stepped forward and swept his gaze over the other students with beatific smile. The students paused in their stride, affected by the red headed boy's gaze which seemed to stare into their very soul and say, 'what a beautiful person you are.'

Somali leaned down and whispered to Naruto, "Aby's doing his thing." Naruto thanked her for her commentary.

"Fellow White Cats," began Aby. "You have grievances against Naruto Uzumaki, but you're looking through an ill informed lens." He spread his arms wide, "bring me your arguments, and I shall enlighten you."

The White Cats began laying out their complaints.

"What ill informed? He had a Dog in his room."

Aby wagged his finger. "But of course he had. She was a prefect. Don't let her diminutive size fool you."

"What… what was a prefect doing there?"

"Prefect work obviously." Aby's smile became patronizing. "We have a sports festival coming up you remember?"

"The heck does Uzumaki have to do with it?"

"Thank you for asking." Aby chuckled. He raised his hand towards Naruto. "Ladies and gentleman, I'd like you to meet our head prefect's, Cait Sith's, servant. Naruto Uzumaki."

"…what?!" Naruto's protest of surprise was the loudest of the bunch.

Aby blissfully continued, "so let's cease with this nonsense hm?" The boy smirked, "unless you want to miss his grand surprise?"

"…surprise? What surprise?" The cats looked interested. Naruto tried to choke Aby with his mind. Somali choked Naruto with her excited hug.

"It's a _surprise_." Aby shook his head. "But given Naruto's track record, the track record of the exam-killer, do you expect anything other than sheer brilliance?" The red-headed boy chuckled. "I expect him to blow my socks off." He gave Naruto a prodding look, "like seriously, I _really_ think he has a master plan far removed from the understanding of us mere mortals. Hahaha." He laughed boisterously, hands on his hips.

"But… but that lipstick-"

" _Far_ removed from the understanding of us mere mortals!" Aby's laugh frightened away any other protests which might've risen.

The White Cats exchanged a glance among themselves. The majority of them had an interested smile. The gave the Uzumaki eager looks. "You better have something amazing cooked up, Naruto," said one of them, to which the rest nodded in agreement.

Naruto gave them a weak grin and a thumb-up.

Giving him a final smile the White Cats dispersed, some of them looking disappointed at the lack of the drama they'd signed up for.

And when the last of them cleared out-

_"Aby,"_ said Naruto, growling and glaring. "What the _hell_ -"

Aby turned to Somali with an appalled face, "Somali! What are you doing!"

Somali blinked. "W-What?"

Aby gave Naruto a sad frown. "The poor boy was alone by himself for so long. Do you have _any_ idea how much he must've missed you."

Naruto paled as he saw Somali's face become determined. "O-Oi, Aby. I'm just _kidding._ Haha. I'm not angry at _all._ " He squeaked as Somali grabbed him.

"Don't you think hugs are in order?" Aby grinned like the devil.

Naruto's eyes widened as Somali picked him up and sat him before her. "N-No, Somali. I-I'm fine." Her arms went around him and she fell against him. "No-no-no-gaah!" Her arms tightened, giving him a bone crushing hug as she cooed at him.

Aby grinned and ruffled the groaning blond's hair. "Now cool off. 'Cause you better pull this off." He rubbed the back of his head with a worried laugh. "For both our sakes."

The red headed boy smirked. Alone he was a star. Together with the whiskered blond? They'd be a supernova.

He observed the other boy with a calculating gaze. He'd given him the spotlight. He was reluctant to do so, but he couldn't help himself.

He wanted to see him shine.

He needed to see his brilliance.

And whether it outshone his own.

He was aware that this risked his own plans, but looking at the blond duo hugging it out eased the sting. He sighed with relief.

Thank god for Uzumaki absorbing some of Somali's enthusiastic affection. He rubbed his shoulders with a wince. He wasn't sure what he'd do if the Uzumaki had been gone for a longer period.

He shuddered.

Hooray for friends.

He'd be darned if he let the Uzumaki leave the academy.

"I-I can see a light," said Naruto hanging off Somali's shoulder lifelessly as she hugged him.

"No! Don't go there, Kitty!" said Somali, panicked. "I'll hold you tight. Hang on!"

"O-Oh, oh Sage." Naruto wheezed as the girl tightened her hold.

Aby laughed.

Wondering if he should egg Somali on further.

Shaking his head, he decided against it.

He needed his agent of change alive after all.


	9. Chapter 8 - Here comes the money!

**Chapter 8 - Here comes the money** **!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Boarding School Juliet**

**Author's Note:**

**Names convention**

**People from Touwa and Naruto:-**

**Lastname Firstname**

**Example:- Inuzuka Romio**

**People from the West Duchy:-**

**Firstname Lastname**

**Example:- Juliet Persia**

* * *

_West Duchy, a few months before Naruto's arrival at Dahlia Academy_

"Cash. Cash. Cash.

Everybody needs cash.

Cash. Cash. Cash.

Without it you eat trash.

"Money. Money. Money.

Earning it ain't funny.

Money. Money. Money.

For you I'll bring home, honey."

_"Are you in one of your_ moods _again?"_

"Shut it."

The door to the apartment opened and shut close. A woman hummed as she ventured deeper into the flat.

_"Looks like sugar mama's back."_

"…go back to Sayori-chan would you? Weren't you gonna take her out?"

_"You stay outta my love life!"_

"Candle lit dinner by the sea, with all the cheese you can stuff your face with. She'll go _crazy_ for that."

_"You bastard! You seeing her behind my back?"_

Sitting in the balcony, Naruto grinned and made a cross with his fingers, popping a shadow clone into existence. The clone glared red eyes at the Uzumaki, marking the possession of the nine-tails.

"Better find out for yourself." Naruto said, tossing the clone a game console, a small handheld device with a screen in the middle and buttons on either side of it.

Catching it, the clone growled, before it jumped up the balcony and climbed its way to the roof top.

"Naruto? Are you there?" said the woman's voice. Rustles of plastic could be heard. "Be a dear and help me put the supplies away?"

Naruto grimaced and got up to his feet. He slowly trudged his way into the dining area, where the red headed woman was putting things away into the refrigerator. She gave him a bright smile when she saw him. "Look, I found some of those instant noodles you like," she said, holding up some plastic wrapped cups.

Naruto winced, a stab of guilt pierced his heart. He began with a sullen frown, "you… you don't have to do this, Vermie."

The woman blinked at him. "What? I sort of like them too." She shook her head with a chuckle. "I got them on sale, it's fine. They aren't that expensive." She waved him towards her, "now come on, let's pack things away and have our dinner. My favorite movie's on tonight." She smiled, "I bet you'll love it. It's superheroes."

Managing a small grin, Naruto made his way to her and sorted out the groceries and essentials, easily making his way about the apartment he was staying in for the past few months with the woman.

It was a small apartment, located close to the sea shore. Sea gulls' cries traveled the airs the entire day, and the crash of the waves was a constant in the background. The sloped road before the apartment saw people from all sorts of walks, from sailors and fishermen, to school bus drivers yelling at kids to get on and portly governesses leading their charges while sneering at public education.

Naruto and his benefactor had taken up residence there, after Vermie determined that a growing boy needed a stable place to live, rather than hopping from hotel to hotel. She didn't listen to him, despite his protests that she didn't even know him that well.

Naruto scowled as he shoved the cereals into the cupboards. He was mooching off her. Plain and simple. She needed the money and he was mooching off her.

He took up part time jobs, but that didn't do squat for the money he'd need to get into the academy. He grimaced. Maybe he'd have to rob a bank or something.

Speaking of _why_ he even considered going to the academy, it all came down to two things.

Helping the woman reconnect with her family.

And being at the center of the most neutral melting pot of the two countries. If he'd have any chance of getting things done, it'd be there.

Now if only he knew what he'd have to actually do, that'd be great.

Naruto rubbed his forehead, glad that he'd gotten the entrance exams out of the way. What a trip _that_ was. If it wasn't for his shadow clones backing him up, both before _and_ during the test, he'd have been toast.

He smirked to himself, the two test monitors supervising his entrance exam really needed to up their game if they wanted to catch a cheating ninja. He even spat a few well placed spit balls at them during the test. To help those poor souls out in catching him. He snickered, recalling the monitors getting into blows with each other, thinking that the other was punking them.

It was free range cheating for all the test takers. Naruto grinned. That day, he'd made ninjas out of the whole room.

"Naruto, come to the living room if you're done," he heard his benefactor say. "Movie's starting and your noodles are getting cold."

Putting away the sliced bread into the fridge, Naruto made his way to the sofa before the television. Vermie smiled at him and motioned him to sit down. Naruto laid his eyes on the steaming cup of noodles on the small table, beside some freshly made sandwiches and some orange juice. He pursed his lips and trudged over to the sofa.

Why the hell didn't he notice her make dinner? He sat down heavily with a frown. She didn't have to bother, he could make his own food. Hell, he should be the one making it, considering he already owed her for giving him a place to stay. He winced. And she also taught him the language, the culture, the dos and don'ts.

Picking his cup with a frown he started slurping up the noodles, slouching in his seat.

He didn't understand why she was doing this.

It's not like she was his mom.

He scoffed to himself as he watched the movie playing on the telly. Like he'd know what a mom was like. You couldn't fit a lifetime of motherhood into a few hours of meeting in his gut. That was a whole another soup of melancholy he didn't want to get into.

Glad it happened. Sad it ended.

"Naruto, I was checking the mail today," said Vermie, biting into a sandwich. Chewing and swallowing, she turned to him with a smile. "Guess who passed the entrance exams?"

Naruto cracked a grin at her.

She leaned over and ruffled his hair, her smile like a proud parent's. "We need to celebrate. How about we eat out tomorrow?" She chuckled looking at the dishes. "We could use the change."

"It's… it's fine," said Naruto, shaking his head. "I like your food better anyway. Unless you let me pay the bill." He looked at her with a serious face.

The woman chuckled. "If you want to treat a lady, be my guest." She held up her hand for him, showing off the ring on her finger. "But fair warning, I'm already taken, tiger." She winked.

Shaking his head, Naruto laughed. The woman chuckling with him.

They turned their heads back to the television, watching the moving pictures of a man faster than a speeding bullet. Naruto wondered who'd win if he faced off against him. He smugly grinned, he'd be the victor of course.

Sexy jutsu for the win.

He could go all gruff and ask, 'do you bleed?' He burst into laughter. One nosebleed coming right up!

"When do you want to go get your uniform tailored?" Vermie asked, glancing at him when he'd begun snickering. "The tuition's done with, and we'll have to take care of the books as well," she said, tapping her finger to her lip.

Naruto's laughter slowly died as he heard her. He turned to her with big eyes, "What? What do you mean tuition's done with?"

Looking back with a furrowed brow, Vermie said, "I paid it on the way back?" Naruto abruptly stood up with a scowl. "N-Naruto? What's wrong?" She got up slowly, her face worried.

She tried to step closer but the ninja backed away from her with a glare.

"What the hell are you doing?" Naruto ground out at her. "Who asked you to pay it?" He looked away, roughly scratching the back of his head. "I can take care of myself."

With pursed lips, Vermie grabbed her purse from the table, hunted for a slip and passed it to the blond who took it with a frown.

He read the numbers on it and groaned. "Shit, I can't pay for this." He kicked the floor and glowered. "Goddamn it, how can anyone afford this shit?"

"Naruto, you're still a boy," said the red headed woman, her arms crossed and her face concerned. "Part time jobs aren't going to provide for a good education."

The blond turned his glare to her, "oh? And you're rich?" The woman frowned. "You got better things to be saving money for and you throw it on _me_?" He rubbed his forehead with a heavy sigh. "Gosh lady, I don't even _like_ studying!"

"You're worth spending money on." Vermie said, stepping closer and putting her hand on his shoulder. "You're a good boy." She smiled.

Naruto scowled. "You don't know me."

"I know enough."

The boy scoffed, "really?"

Vermie chuckled. "Naruto, how many people would help me like you are?" She stared at her feet with a sullen frown. "Being by my lonesome, being on the run from my mother and her goons everyday, and then finding someone to call a friend?" She put both her hands on his shoulder and looked into his eyes with gratitude. "You don't know the kind of trust it creates."

She smiled, "especially when the friend teaches you how to run circles around those goons. And is quite the muscleman." She laughed, giving him an amused grin. "Girls will be all over you when you hit school."

The blond boy still looked at her with apprehension. Her earnest smile making him uncomfortable. His chest hurt, and he didn't know why.

"As far as I'm concerned," said Vermie, her face looking unsure for a second but then hardening with determination. Naruto's eyes widened as she put her arms around him and pulled him closer. "You're family, Naruto," she whispered as she hugged the boy with a tender embrace.

The boy's breath shuddered as the words washed over him, together with the warmth of her body against his, building up a pressure in his chest which wanted to burst out.

He clenched his face, anguish rode his emotions.

No.

Not again.

Red strands of long, beautiful hair flashed in his mind. A woman's loving smile as she told him those three magical words. Which made his insides melt with joy.

The promise of happiness, a glimpse of what could have been.

Only for reality to laugh in his face.

Naruto gently pried Vermie's arms off him, looking away from her. He ignored her questioning gaze and walked towards to the door leading outside.

"Naruto?" said the woman, a hint of worry in her voice. "Is… is everything alright? I hope I didn't overstep my bounds."

The ninja faced her with a grin that didn't reach his eyes.

"It's chill, don't worry your pretty head." He finger gunned and winked at her. He opened the door. "I'll be back late, don't wait up." Not waiting for her response, he stepped outside and shut the door behind him.

As soon as he stepped outside, his face turned into sad frown. He took a deep breath and slapped his cheeks, shaking his head once as walked down the staircase and marched outside the building.

Descending from the rooftops, an orange blur slammed to the ground on its feet behind him. It stood up and cracked its neck. A game console in its hand. Looking at the blond ninja plodding along the street with his hands shoved in his pockets, it fell into step beside him.

"You're being stupid." said Kurama, through the red eyed clone. His focus still on the console as he kept pace with his container with half a mind.

"What would you know?" said Naruto, glowering at the road as they made their way through the seaside marketplace. "Getting close will only hurt like a bitch later."

The clone shrugged. "Sayori-chan told me pushing people away will hurt _now_. Both you and them. New people keep coming into your life, you gotta let them in. Because even if you part with your loved ones, the love in your memories won't fade so easily. Life is bittersweet, take it as it comes."

Naruto had stopped in his tracks, gaping at the clone. He took slow disbelieving blinks.

"Holy shit, that thing's doing wonders for you," said Naruto.

"Yeah, yeah," the clone waved him off. It looked up with a frown. "What's a divorce?" It said, holding up the screen for the ninja to read. "Sayori-chan wants one."

Naruto pretended that a seagull pooped on his head, and began shaking his fist at the air, yelling obscenities.

The blond avoided the clone's confused stare with a panicked face.

No way he was getting into _that_ conversation.

Shrugging at the lack of response, Kurama informed him that he'd invited Sayori-chan to a strip-club with the boys. Hoping to rekindle some fire in their relationship.

The blond slapped his face and dragged his palm down with a groan.

That was wrong on _so_ many levels.

* * *

_Making the dough_

Being a resourceful ninja, Naruto did pull out all stops in the venture of money making.

His first foray was opening a sweets shop and becoming an enigmatic shop owner who solved the problems of all his customers. Leaving sweet both their mouths and their lives.

It was in the middle of building his shop that he realized-

"Shit, I don't know crap about making sweets."

A sad blond then sold the plot of land he'd bought for a loss and grumbled all the way home.

His next foray was trying to mint money using his godfather's tasteful books. He took up the translation job with a zeal most translators would be astounded at.

The steamy scenes in the books might have helped.

With all the dirty episodes and lewd jokes firmly burned into his brain, he'd approached a publishing company with the whole stack of his master's books translated and neatly printed out. Reading the books, the editors had blushed like school girls and immediately signed a deal with the blond.

That was three months ago.

And all he had to show for profit was enough money to buy a second hand television.

Taking pity on him, one of the editors had taken him aside and explained to him.

"Son, unless you got a second job or get extremely lucky. Don't expect to live off from writing fantasy. You'd sooner win a lottery than become famous."

A despondent blond sulked and took his television back with him to his shared apartment. Vermie on the other jumped in joy at having a television in the house and showered him with homemade noodles for a whole week.

Finally, he put his ninja skills to use.

A thousand clones, transformed into various disguises, invaded the city. All willing to work for any job and at the cheapest rate.

_"This won't end well."_

Naruto paid no mind to his partner's ominous words. And relaxed on a hammock by the sea. He grinned. Here comes the money.

Next week, Vermie had warned Naruto not to go into the city. Saying the streets were rife with workers' protests, riots and burning effigies.

"W-What?" Naruto blinked at her.

"Many people were laid off. And they're all angry," said Vermie, seated on the sofa and turning a page on the newspaper in her hands. "It's suspicious how so many blue collar workers suddenly found themselves replaced by cheaper labor. The department of labor is looking into it."

Naruto immediately popped his clones.

He then went for a swim in the sea to forget his latest failed attempt.

_"You could always become a bounty hunter."_

Floating on the water, Naruto opened his mouth to reply-

_"Nah, forget it. Sayori-chan would never forgive me if I let my friend go down a dark path."_

Naruto sighed. One of these days, the beast had to learn to listen to others.

_"You should find a good woman. That'll set you straight! Just look at me. I got a job. And I didn't even go to college!"_

Naruto scowled and punched the water. Well yeah, it helps if your wife's dad is the owner of a big-ass company.

_"Excuses, excuses. I could always lend you money you know? I always help out the pathetic and dirt poor. I'm a great fox like that."_

Naruto chuckled darkly.

He was gonna _cackle_ when the beast found out the difference between 2D and 3D.

Naruto dove into the water. Trying to think of more ways to make money.

And to his disappointment he concluded that for now, part time jobs would have to do, with a maximum of no more than three or four clones. Anything more would be risking it.

That day the sharks found themselves chasing a sulking blond who zoomed past them in the waters, leaving them in the bubbles. They pursued the blond with a vengeance, their pride as the apex predators on the line.

Now if only the dolphins would stop laughing at them and let them focus.

* * *

_Present day, in the streets outside the royal castle of the West Duchy_

Crossdressman crouched on the ledge of a clock-tower. Through his mask he stared down at the crowd of people as they pushed each other and sought to get a better glimpse into the windows of the vehicles which passed by. Carrying some form of royalty or celebrity through the castle gates.

A gaggle of children held up a long sheet of chart paper, presenting it in clear view to the castle's balcony. On it was written-

'Happy Birthday King Westia!'

Crossdressman's eyes flitted about the street and rooftops, observing both the conspicuous and inconspicuous security detail, men in frilly and feathered uniforms, and men and women with sharper than usual eyes mixed in the crowd. Roaming the streets, looking down from rooftops, selling souvenirs as shopkeepers.

All in all, it looked like the King won't be getting any surprise party. The masked hero snickered, shaking his head. Poor guy, probably never even got one his whole life. The pulse of elation which runs through you when your family and friends conspire to give you a small heart attack was something else.

Or at least that's what his master's books said.

Scratching his chin, he wondered what exactly he was doing here. He had shit-ton of other things to worry about. Namely the _grand_ surprise he supposedly had for the sports festival. He sighed. Not knowing how to feel about the circumstances.

On one hand, he hadn't burned any bridges, his friends still called him a friend. But on the other if he messed it up, both Aby and he would be getting some kind of boot or the other. The gig would be up. He pursed his lips, thinking of the red headed boy. He still didn't know why he'd helped him, what his angle was.

He poofed from his location and appeared within the castle grounds. The startled guards immediately surrounded him and trained their guns on him. Crossdressman smiled and presented his invitation card.

The guard closest to him snatched the card and read it with a critical eye. Seeing everything in order, he motioned his team to stand down and disperse. The other guards went back to their posts, some of them glaring at the hero and the others smiling.

The guard with the card gave the hero an annoyed look.

"We weren't really expecting you," he said.

Crossdressman grinned. "Me neither, Dom."

The guard stilled for a second, before he huffed in annoyance. "Dom? Who's Dom?"

Crossdressman sighed, "look man, I got a problem. Help me out?" The hero's fangs glinted under the moonlight. "We could be of use to each other, eh?"

'Dom' the guard gave the figure in the skirt a wary look. He pressed a button on his headset. "Leaving my post. Crossdressman encountered. Not hostile. Escorting him. Copy." After he got a reply he nodded at the hero. "Let's walk," he said, walking further into the castle grounds.

The two of them walked through the lounge, with people giving the masked hero astonished looks. They stopped a few times when kids and teenagers asked him for autographs and selfies. The hero happily obliged them, putting on a stupid face for the camera.

And then they reached small cliff overlooking the maze like gardens of the castle, 'Dom' let his gun hang from his hand as he leaned back against the railing. "How'd you do it?" The guard's entire tone changed as he smiled with twinkling eyes. Where before there was gruff and clipped inquisitiveness, there was now intrigue and amused curiosity.

Crossdressman chuckled. "You know, I expected nobility to be… well, noble." He shook his head as he sighed and sat down on the bench beside them. "They reek," he shuddered. "Man, there's a freaking shit-hole a few blocks away and here it smells like roses."

'Dom' smiled. "I'm well aware."

"As for how I found you out," Crossdressman smirked. "You didn't try to shoot the chicken. You're too good to be a villain you know?"

'Dom' sighed. "My one true failing, but alas the ladies prefer badboys with hearts of gold." He chuckled. "I can't deny them." He turned to the hero with reproach, "do keep your pet under control though. It almost plucked out a duke's eyes and dunked a lady into a punch bowl. Won't say they didn't deserve it but still…"

A rooster could be heard clucking through the gardens and flapping its wings as it hopped from one stone to another on the pond.

'Dom' then threw a smoke bomb on the floor. A caped figure emerged from the smoke clouds and sat down beside the hero.

"So, poultry concerns aside, how may the great phantom thief help you?" said Flamingo Domingo, donned in his light pink suit, a white mask which covered his eyes and gray cape which reached the floor. He turned to the hero with a sharp smile, his shoulder length hair, a shade between pink and red, swayed in the light gust that blew.

"How do you get people who hate each other's guts to get along?" Crossdressman asked, giving the thief an appraising eye. "You look like a joke."

Flamingo raised an eyebrow, leaning back on the bench. "This coming from _Crossdressman._ " Flamingo huffed, "it took a lot of convincing to make people take you seriously you know." Crossdressman tilted his head, Flamingo waved him off. "Never mind that, but why are you asking _me_ exactly?"

Crossdressman gave him a beaming smile. "Because I trust you and _know_ there is good in your heart-"

"Yeah, don't give me that tripe." Flamingo frowned. "The real reason now please."

The hero rubbed the back of his head with an embarrassed smile. "Okay, okay. It's 'cause I can't ask anyone else."

"Why not?"

"You don't need to know."

Flamingo smirked. "Who needs my help again?"

_"Fine."_ Crossdressman scowled. "If I ask someone else they'll either call me a traitor and get me expelled or get too involved and become targets."

Flamingo wet his lips, looking at the hero with furrowed eyes. "Expelled?"

"Deadline's a week. The next Monday." Crossdressman smirked. "10 AM. You following me?"

"…good lord." Flamingo blinked at the hero. "You're a student at Dahlia Academy, aren't you? You're talking about the sports festival."

Crossdressman pretended to ring a suspended bell. "Ding ding ding ding. Got it in one, Miss Reporter," he turned to the thief with a grin.

Flamingo's eyes were wide open. "H-How?" _She_ said, no longer bothering to make her voice deep.

The hero blushed and looked away. "M-Magic?"

The thief's eye narrowed. "No, tell me."

Crossdressman muttered something.

"What?" said Flamingo, leaning closer.

Crossdressman gulped and put his arms up to defend himself. "Y-You just flashed me. S-Saw through the smoke."

Flamingo's jaw fell, and she jerked back with a start. She directed an acute glare of indignation the hero's way.

The hero then glared at her. "And screw you for that gig at the arena. The hell were you doing there anyway? My cheeks still hurt!"

"Arena? What are you… wait." Flamingo blinked as if she just understood something. A slow smile grew on her face. " _Neko-chan?_ Is that you, neko-chan?" Her hand reached out slowly, inquisitively.

"Don't call me that!" Crossdressman glared. A few guests looked in their direction at his yell. Their eyes widened at the two masked figures seated at the bench. The security began marching into the gardens.

Flamingo licked her lips and smiled. "I know what I'm gonna steal tonight." Her hand lashed out at the hero's face. "Take the mask off, neko-chan. Don't you wanna play with big sis?"

"Help me out and I just might," said the hero, grabbing her hand. He smirked and kissed her fingertips, and for an instant red chakra glowed around her body before it faded. His grin grew when she shivered and gave him a bashful smile. To tip her over the edge he put his finger under her chin and said with a cute pout, "won't you help me, nya?"

Flamingo laughed and pounced on him, diving at him with her hands outstretched. The hero bent backwards and kicked her away with his feet, letting her fly over him and fall over the ledge behind them.

Crouching before the ledge the hero said, "aren't you an eager beaver?" His eyes scanned the foliage below, "huh? Where'd she go?" He leaned further in and saw her standing upside down, her feet planted in the rock and her hand holding a wire dug into the stone. She waved at him with a smirk.

Jumping off and pulling the wire taut in a strong and swift motion, she rocketed herself towards the crossdressing hero. She kicked at his face like a soccer ball when she was right before him, but the hero merely tilted his head to the side, letting her sail past him.

"Tell me, Crossdressman." Another wire shot off Flamingo and dug itself into the ground. The device attached to her hip rapidly reeled in the wire, pulling her air-borne body. She slammed the ground on her feet and stood up. "Why me specifically? Won't a less notorious ally do you better?"

Crossdressman's eyes flitted about the surroundings, guns were trained on them, with the guards looking quite trigger happy. Above on the balcony overseeing the gardens he could spot a man wearing a crown, sipping something from a glass. Catching the hero's gaze, the man raised his glass to him and smiled faintly.

"Hold that thought, would ya?" Crossdressman poofed and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Flamingo's eyes widened. The security grimly smiled and cocked their guns. Flamingo gulped and gave the guards an appeasing smile.

"Fire!" The head guard roared.

Flamingo cursed and let her wire loose upon a wall and reeled away. "That crossdressing son of a-" She let loose profanity as she found herself jumping from walls, trees and ceilings as she escaped from the bullet fire, abandoning the gardens and heading into the castle proper.

* * *

_The crowned man's room_

"Yo."

Were Crossdressman's first words to the King of the West Duchy, as he poofed into existence behind the crowned man.

Consequently, the King turned around with an amused smile and replied in kind.

"Yo."

He even held up a peace sign.

"Pretty snazzy room you got here," said Crossdressman as he looked around. A fire burned in the mantle, warming the room. Rows and rows of books lined the walls upon bookshelves, extending to two floors. Royal red were the curtain which were drawn before the windows and navy blue was the carpet upon the floor. Crossdressman looked at the large study table lying against the wall, with stacks of books and a photo-frame.

"Huh, cute." said the crossdressing hero as he picked up the photograph after getting a nod from the King. It depicted the King, the Queen, and a tiny girl with a tiara, all standing before a window overlooking the city behind them. The girl's beaming smile looked more like a demon's malevolent grin to the hero. Putting down the photo, Crossdressman marveled at Princess Char's acting skills.

Turning around, the masked hero faced the King. "Happy birthday," he said pulling out wrapped package from his cape and placing it on the desk.

"I'm surprised you showed up," said the King, sipping from the glass. "Thank you for gift," he said eyeing it with a curious eye, "what might it be?" he mused to himself.

Crossdressman shrugged, "I wanted to know what a birthday party's like. Never been to one." He grinned. "Expect an invite to mine. I'm sure you can guess the dress code."

The King chuckled, setting down the glass and walking to the mantle, sitting down on the couch by the fire. "I'll be sure my daughter attends. My own presence would cause you problems." He motioned to the other couch opposite to him, "a troubled man, aren't you? If a King's birthday is your first." His gaze sharpened when the hero sat down. "Tell me, are you my subject? Or are you just a visitor? What drives you to run headlong into danger?"

The hero leaned back into the couch, pursing his lips. "What's in it for me if I tell you?" He returned a stony smile. "Gotta be careful with politicians. Every word I say would be your ammo." He sighed. "You got loudspeakers, radio and television at your fingertips. What do I got? A loud voice?" He shook his head. "Not gonna jump into that dumpster."

The King's brow furrowed and he folded a knee over the other. "What is your goal?" His gaze hardened, making it clear that he'd not brook a refusal to answer.

With a sigh, Crossdressman said through tight lips, "to make the world a place worth living in."

The King arched his fingers. "The West Duchy? Or the world?"

Silence.

.

.

.

The King nodded, "I see." He smiled grimly. "Interesting."

Crossdressman's eyes twitched in irritation. "…goddamn it, I hate politics," he said.

"It might not be the career for you, yes," said the King with a chuckle. "Fret not. For now I shall merely observe you. You haven't given me any cause for concern." He gave a thin smile. "Yet."

Crossdressman blinked and leaned forward, "hey, hey. Completely random question but, if I got a friend who's probably gonna go into politics, but is one of the most earnest and straightforward idiots you've ever met, would he have a good time playing the game?"

The King shrugged, "he'd be eaten alive. He'll be lucky if either his reputation or conscience remain intact."

"Uh, he'd be pretty honest about it. That's gotta count right?"

The King barked a laugh, his eyes shining with amusement. "Sure. If you change the game, then sure."

The hero groaned and buried his head in his palms. "Great," he said.

The grandfather clock in the room rang, with a cuckoo coming out of the small door above the clock hands and chirping.

The King looked up at the time, "my reprieve's at an end, I'll be heading back to the party." He glanced at the hero, "it was interesting meeting you, crossdressed crusader," he said with a faint grin.

Crossdressman stood up, nodding. "Yeah, thanks again for the invite." He gave the King a smirk and a two fingered salute, "I'ma go change the game now. Ciao~" A cloud of smoke popped as the hero poofed out of the room.

The King blinked and furrowed his brow. "Huh," he said to himself, considering those parting words. He sighed, "note to self, refrain from joking with energetic youths who'll take you seriously."

He stood up and headed out into the party with mixed feelings. He'd gotten a feel for the hero, just as he wanted.

Running his hand over his beard, he wondered how to further ingratiate the crown with the hero. He could be a great ally if used well. His abilities spoke for themselves.

He was already popular.

He could face a bullet with a brave face.

A little instruction in rhetoric would take him a long way.

The King smiled. Yes, he had to bring the hero closer. He would do wonders for the mood in the palace. His daughter could use the company.

An idea flashed in his mind and he let out a surprised laugh.

Chartreux didn't have a suitor yet, did she? Not with the way she scared the men away. The King grinned as he helped himself to a glass of wine from a passing butler.

All his girl needed was a man who wouldn't be scared of her, who would be the concrete under her feet, rather than clay. Someone who could do anything she'd ever want. She deserved the best after all.

The King chuckled.

Now why can't that someone be a certain crossdressing hero?

It'd be killing two birds with one stone. He'd secure his daughter's happiness, and also the hero's allegiance.

He ran with the idea in his head, considering how best to approach it.

A betrothal would just scare away both the parties. He doubted the crossdressing hero would show up again if he sprang that in his face.

His wife, the Queen, looked up at him with a frown when he joined her at the table with their guests.

"Dear, that daughter of ours has gone completely wild." said Queen Westia, glaring at an article on the newspaper she was holding. She quoted the article-

"Princess Chartreux's gladiators wow the Dahlia Town arena, collecting a whopping amount of money to be given away for a good cause. Further earnings are expected after the sale of the filmed recording for home entertainment.

"Rumor has it that her gladiators, two youths from Dahlia Academy, were vying for her romantic attention. Princess Chartreux was seen laughing with joy and sending them adoring smiles as they were being mauled by the cougars, lending credit to these rumors.

"This field reporter _and_ writer has her bets on the blond with whisker-like birthmarks on his face, who's affectionately called neko-chan. With whiskers that cute, what girl can resist petting that cutie?"

The Queen frowned, "the rest of it goes into excruciating detail of how cats are adorable." She glanced at the writer's name. "Havana Brown? Woman should be more objective." She shook her head.

The King listened to the story with half an ear.

He smiled when it hit him.

Gladiators?

He started chuckling.

Now wasn't that an idea?

* * *

_Few streets away from the castle_

Sitting on a rooftop bench of a ten storied building, Flamingo Domingo panted as she slouched down, her elbows on her knees. Sweat dripped off her as she contemplated the merits of stripping off her costume.

She picked up a smoke bomb from her pockets, and swung her wrist down-

"Whoa! Whoa! I'm right here!"

Her hand stopped dead just before she let the bomb go. Her eyes widening as she heard the voice. A figure in a dress climbed up from the side of the building, revealing itself to be Crossdressman.

His face was red as he blinked at her. "Seriously, you almost flashed me again-"

A wire shot off at him and tied itself around his arm. The hero observed it curiously. He yelped as it pulled him off his feet and hurled him at the thief.

Flamingo caught him by the collar and smashed him against the floor, snarling in his face. "You almost got me killed! What the _hell_ are you doing following me?"

"You weren't in any danger," said Crossdressman looking up with a confused frown.

"No danger?" Flamingo held up her cape to him, showing him the bullet holes which rent the cloth, "what do you call these then?" She glared.

"Oh?" Crossdressman suddenly had a kunai in his hand.

Flamingo's eyes widened, her heart hammering as she saw him spin the blade through its hole around his finger. "H-Hey, don't do anything stupid-"

He smiled at her, "here, I'll show ya." He flicked his wrist at her, launching the kunai point blank.

Flamingo screamed, terror filling her eyes. Her life flashed in her mind. All her regrets slamming into her.

In slow motion, the kunai hurtled towards her.

It came closer.

Closer.

Some red thing batted it away.

The kunai dug itself into the ground.

Flamingo stared dumbly at the blade. She saw the red aura around her fade away.

Her neck creaked to the snickering hero. "W-What?" she said, feeling quite stupid under his mirth filled gaze.

The hero winked at her. "I'm your guardian angel, nya." He gently brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek. "Won't let a thing scratch your pretty face."

The thief glowered at him, trying to ignore how her skin tingled under his touch. "Y-You better tell me what's going on." She gulped and whipped her head away. "Don't think I'll let you go just because you're cute."

The hero shrugged. "I need your help."

The thief frowned. "What help?"

"I need money. Lots of it."

The thief's gaze became calculating. "Why? And how much?"

Crossdressman scratched his cheek. "You know the annual tuition at the academy?"

The thief nodded. "More or less."

"Multiply that by the number of all the first year high school students. That's how much I need." The hero crossed his arms. "I saw your case files, and I know you'll steal from the right people. The kind I don't give a shit about. And as for why?" The hero chuckled. "I'm still working on that part. It's kinda iffy."

Flamingo tilted her head, thinking things over. "How would you use all that money? It'll be traced back to you in an instant if you spend it all."

"...oh. I didn't think of that." The hero gave her an abashed smile.

The thief sighed. "If you had to name something what name would you use? Like an official name, not a silly one."

"Kurama?"

"Great. Kurama Foundation it is." The thief nodded. "That can be the front for any spending you intend."

Flamingo's eyes glazed over as she mulled over the details in her head. Crossdressman started tapping the floor with his fingers, humming a tune and wondering when the thief would get off him.

After a while the thief gazed at the hero with sharp eyes. "Say I agree to help you, what's in it for me?" she said.

"You get to play with neko-chan?"

"Hah, cute. But no dice."

Crossdressman dug his hand into his cape and took out a hard drive. "Then how about this?" Flamingo caught the drive when he tossed it to her. "Straight from the Ministry." He gave her a fang filled grin. "You might just find what you're looking for."

The thief hopped off him with wide eyes. She took out her phone and connected it to the drive. Gasping when the contents revealed themselves, her fingers rapidly swiped at her phone, desperately searching for something. Her fingers froze when she opened a particular document. "T-This is real." She looked up with shocked eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be a superhero? And how the hell did you know I'm looking for something?"

"Like I said, I read your case-files. All the guys investigating you wrote the same thing." The hero jumped to his feet and gave her an easygoing smile. "I already got a partner in justice." He gave her an intense stare. "Now I need a partner in crime. And who better than the best in the trade?"

"Flattery will get you nowhere." Flamingo narrowed her eyes, stashing away the drive in some unseen corner of her cape. She smirked, "but you're right. I _am_ the best."

Crossdressman grinned and put his hand out for a shake. "So, it's a deal?"

The thief eyed the hand with a smirk and slowly walked closer, making sure to sway her hips. She caught his hand and asked with an innocent smile, "have you ever kissed a woman before?" Her eyes sparkled with curiosity.

The hero blinked, surprised at the question. He frowned, "no, why- mmph!" His eyes widened at the pair of lips suddenly enclosing his. Soft, luscious lips pressed against his mouth, smacking wetly as the woman pushed herself into him.

For some reason his arms didn't seem eager to push her away. The energy seemingly sapped out of them, as he lay trapped in the thief's embrace. The hero stupidly stared at the woman's back as she kissed him. Wow. He mused. Kissing Sasuke didn't feel this good. He _knew_ that bastard was a lousy kisser.

The hero blushed, feeling the thief's chest press against his.

Being kissed by a woman felt good.

And as fast as it'd started, it was over. With the thief pushing him off with a wicked grin, watching him stumble and fall on his behind. She chuckled at his dazed face.

"Wha… what the hell was _that?_ " Crossdressman sputtered, looking up with big eyes, wiping off his mouth.

Flamingo folded her arms under her chest, grinning. "I had to steal _something_ today." She winked. "Might as well be your first kiss. I have to keep you coming back, don't I?" She gave him a sultry gaze and licked her lips. " _Hero~_ "

He sent a feeble glare back. "D-Don't think I'll go easy on you!"

"My dear hero," Flamingo leaned down to his eye level. "You can be as hard as you desire." She snickered when he yelped and backed away on his arms and feet.

Taking pity on him she stood up straight and fired a wire into a distant building. She looked back with a serious face. "I accept your deal. I'll get your money within the week." Not waiting for his response she leaped off the building and zipped away into the night.

His heart still hammering, Crossdressman took a few deep breaths.

The fox began speaking in his head.

_"You kinda walked right into that one. But good job, she forgot all about the chakra we stuck on her."_

"If she does anything stupid. Take care of her, okay?" said Crossdressman, looking at where the thief had stood with a frown.

_"You mean snap her neck right?"_

Crossdressman grimaced. He stayed quiet.

The beast laughed with sadistic delight.

_"Got you."_

Sighing, the hero sat down cross-legged. "Somebody's gotta take this edge off you, Kurama. You were way better when you had an imaginary girlfriend."

The beast scoffed.

_"Sure, sure. What are you gonna do next?"_

Making a hand-seal, the hero pursed his lips.

"Wish I knew."

A cloud of smoke popped.

And the hero disappeared.


	10. Chapter 9 - Dahlia United - Part 1

**Chapter 9 - Dahlia United - Part 1**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Boarding School Juliet**

**Author's Note:**

**Names convention**

**People from Touwa and Naruto:-**

**Lastname Firstname**

**Example:- Inuzuka Romio**

**People from the West Duchy:-**

**Firstname Lastname**

**Example:- Juliet Persia**

* * *

_Dahlia Town, Day of the Sports Festival_

Sitting in Town square and humming under his breath, Naruto saw the men, women and children make their way towards Dahlia Academy. Parents who'd traveled to the island smiled as they held their children, carrying them atop their shoulders, holding their hands, or just plain ol' ruffling their heads and embarrassing them with cute pet names.

He smiled wistfully. Despite his knowing better, he imagined a red haired woman with long hair sitting beside him and nagging him to do well in the sports festival, and a blond haired man seated on the other side, chuckling and observing them with a patient and amused smile.

Then three more people popped up in his head.

Two little black haired kids standing before him with cute pouts and dragging his hands, demanding him to play with them.

And a red headed woman who barely knew him giving him a proud smile and looking at him in ways which made it hurt. A warmth which burned his heart cold with longing.

He sighed and shook his head. Knocking out the apparitions from his imagination, and coming back to reality.

Seated on another bench opposite him, a blond haired woman wearing a big frilly hat was sending discreet glances. Looking out from the top of the newspaper held in her hand.

A reporter with a camera hanging from her neck greeted the Uzumaki with a smile and sat down beside him. She had light brown hair. "Sup, neko-chan. Looking cute as ever," she said, smirking. "Was that sigh for me? Tell me you missed, big sis. Come on." She wore black jeans and a blue blouse, and a brown vest over the blouse. She passed an envelope to the Uzumaki.

Rolling his eyes, Naruto took the envelope and said, "oh big sister Havana. How I've spent countless nights, thinking of your soft ministrations. Won't you please pet this love starved cat of yours?"

The blond woman's eyes widened in surprise as the newspaper fell down a few inches, revealing her beautiful face. She trembled as if she wanted to express her shock.

Havana snickered. "Well, if you insist." Her hands reached out.

Naruto warded off her hands with his elbow absentmindedly. He took out the papers from the envelope and read through them, ignoring how the woman pouted. "So this'll help me with the thing I asked you? What if nobody believes me?"

"I'm sure you'll have lawyers in the crowd," said the thief, trying to penetrate his guard. "Just dangle some of the money before them, they'll be happy to wag their tails." Giving up on outmaneuvering him, she huddled closer to the blond, so that their legs and sides touched.

The blond haired woman stood up abruptly, her face scandalized. She glared at the pair opposite her.

"So, gonna tell me what your plan is?" Havana put her arms around his neck. "I could use the heads-up if it's newsworthy." She blew air on his cheek and giggled as the boy froze up. "Aww, you're just _so_ cute!" She pulled him towards herself and smacked him against her body. Smiling giddily, she rubbed the both of their cheeks together.

Providing just enough stimulation to the blond's whiskers and working the fox's magic.

In between purring helplessly, and not really wanting the woman to stop, Naruto said, while leaning into her. "Prr~ I-I'm gonna s-strip every-"

"What?!" the blond haired woman yelled. Her eyes fiery with anger. She marched over to the pair and promptly grabbed Naruto by the ear, twisting it hard.

"Naruto Uzumaki, you will do no such thing!" she said, glaring at him with disappointment. He squawked as she pulled him away from the thief. "You!" She glared at the thief. "Make yourself scarce!"

Havana glared back. "What's your problem? He was getting to the good part!"

"Should I call the police?" the blond woman narrowed her eyes.

The two women glared at each other. After a few seconds, the thief gave her an appeasing smile. "Say, that hat looks expensive, you better hang on to it," said Havana, standing up. "Later, neko-chan," She took off in a brisk walk.

The blond woman glared after her and then turned her gaze to Naruto. "Who was that woman?" she asked. She put her free hand on her hip. "I expected better of you."

The Uzumaki blinked at her in disbelief. Blinking long and slow as he saw his tiny leader, but all grown up. His eyes trailed her delicate legs poking out off her fashionable yet dignified skirt. His gaze went up to her hips, staring at her slim and comely figure. Her long and blond hair fell around her blouse and shoulders, outlining her well proportioned bosom. And despite her angry disposition, Naruto felt his heart skip a beat as he beheld her face. Beautiful, was the only word that flashed in his mind.

"Whoa, Persia," said Naruto, slightly breathless. "Did you grow up while I was gone? You actually look kinda hot now." Naruto wiped his teary eye. "I can't call you tiny anymore, can I?" He sniffled.

Another hand grabbed his other ear and pulled him the other direction. Yelping, Naruto glanced and saw another Persia glaring at him with twitching eyes.

"Yes, Naruto. I had a growth spurt in-between yesterday and today." She twisted his ear some more. "And thank you for calling my mother hot right in front of me. I'll enjoy the nightmares of calling you dad."

The bigger Persia frowned at the smaller one. "Juliet, don't talk to your boyfriend like that." She didn't notice both Naruto's and Juliet's eyes widen. "At least break up with him before you do so."

"What do you mean boyfriend?!" said Juliet and Naruto in unison, giving the older woman flabbergasted stares.

The bigger Persia frowned at her daughter, "he isn't? But your letters are filled to the brim with complaints about this boy. Naruto did this, Naruto did that. Naruto wrote me a love letter." She scowled at Naruto. "You aren't playing with my daughter's heart, are you?"

Naruto turned worried eyes to Juliet. "Hey I'm not playing with your heart, am I?" Juliet saw the glint of mischief in his eyes. "I mean you _did_ say you wanted to thrust your sword in me."

Persia's mom blinked with confusion. She saw the way the boy waggled his eyes at her daughter who was quickly reddening, with her hand trembling by her side. The insinuation hit her like a truck and she gasped with horror.

Naruto continued, "and you always keep dragging me away from others for quick one-on-ones." He winked. "I love it when you scream my name, babe."

Juliet broke free from the restraints of composure and pounced on the whiskered blond with a snarl. Sending the both of them to the floor.

"Oh yeah, baby. Hit me~" said Naruto, laughing as the girl shook him by the collar.

"I will discipline you Naruto if it's the last thing I do!" Persia growled in his face with red cheeks, panting with anger as she brought him up face to face with her.

Naruto growled huskily. "Yes, Lady Persia. I've been a _bad_ boy."

_"Naruto!"_

Juliet screamed his name, making the whiskered blond burst into guffaws.

The mother quickly knelt down and separated the two, holding back Juliet as she frothed in the mouth and tried to free herself. "Juliet! Control yourself!" She glanced at their surroundings. "Don't make out in front of your mother!"

"…does that mean we can make out behind you?" Naruto asked with a grin. "Hear that Persia, we have your mom's blessing! Let's get married!"

The mother glared at him. Her daughter roared in her grasp, still trying to free herself.

"Enough," said the elder Persia, eyeing the crowd that had formed around them. "We're making a scene." She bonked her daughter on the head, and pinched her cheeks, making her blink and look up. "I'll be in the restaurant, bring the boy along with you, Juliet."

"W-Why, the sports festival is about to start soon," said Juliet as her mother stood up.

The mother whipped her head away with a pout. "J-Just do as I say! It's not like I want to help you or anything!" Giving the Uzumaki a final glare she marched away swiftly.

Juliet and Naruto stared after her with confused frowns.

"Hey does that mean we're an item now?" Naruto blurted out.

Juliet groaned and buried her face in her palms.

"'Cause I gotta prepare in case Inuzuka decides to accident me."

Juliet frowned and turned to the grinning Uzumaki as they stood up. The two of them started towards the restaurant. " _Why_ do you keep annoying me?" she said. "Do you _like_ being reprimanded by me?"

Naruto chuckled, as they spotted Persia's mother through the mirror, sitting at a table and sipping some coffee. "Who doesn't love messing with their little sister?" Juliet blinked. " _Especially_ after she chases them out of the dorm." Naruto gave her a stiff grin. "You went straight for the killing blow."

They entered the establishment.

Naruto then gave her a quick side hug, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her briefly to his side, the girl startled and her eyes widened. "But you called me your brother, you don't know how much that means to me." Naruto grinned at her blushing face. Good. That meant she wasn't focusing. He noticed Persia's mother give them a wide eyed look and his grin became bigger.

Perfect.

As innocently as he could he said, just as they reached the table, "just don't blow me anymore okay? It kinda hurts."

The mother gasped, her hand slapping her mouth in shock. Her face bunched up with indignant anger, ready to blow a gasket at the whiskered blond. She raised an angry hand.

Taking a seat beside her mother, Persia said while slapping her cheeks to a normal color, "o-okay, no more blows." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Unless you start it."

The mother's hand fell down limply, she gaped at her daughter.

Naruto chuckled, sitting opposite them. "What? I get you all hot and bothered?"

Persia continued, not noticing, "You always get me worked up." She scowled at him.

"M-My goodness," said Persia's mother, reeling from the manufactured revelations being presented to her. "J-Juliet, how do even know what that means?" She weakly hugged the girl to her chest, rubbing her head protectively. She narrowed her eyes at Naruto, who was trembling with suppressed laughter. "Y-You! What have you done to my sweet girl!"

"M-Mother?" said Juliet with a puzzled frown. She eyed the whiskered blond choking on snickers, bending into himself and leaning on the table, slamming it twice with his trembling fist. Her eyes narrowed. Why was he so amused?

Was it something she said?

All she'd said was he got her worked up.

And promised him no more… blows…

…Oh.

Her eyes widened and her jaw fell open in shock.

Oh _god_.

Her vision became red and she began panting with volcanic rage.

Naruto winked at her, as comprehension dawned on her face. "Ready for another round, babe?" he said, opening his arms invitingly.

" _Naruto!_ " The girl snarled and broke free of the older woman's hold. She shot up, put her foot on the seat and jumped across the table, falling neatly into the boy's waiting arms.

Naruto snickered, as he caught her, "somebody's feisty- grk!" His eyes popped out as the girl kneed him in the gut, "h-hey be gentle!" She lay her arms around his neck as if going for a lover's hug, Naruto's eyes softened. "Aww, it's okay, you don't gotta apologize- Gah!" Naruto choked as Juliet defied expectations and went for a wife's choke-hold. "L-Let me go!" the ninja gasped.

Persia growled in his ear. "What the _hell_ did you make me say!" She tightened her hold, the boy coughed as he pried at her arms. "No more juvenile humor! Give me your word!"

"Never!" Naruto reaffirmed his allegiance to the league of pranksters. He beamed at the bemused mother on the other side, "you like my jokes, don't you, mother?"

"Don't call her mother!" Persia yelled in his ear, headbutting him.

"Come _on._ I can't call you both Persia, can I?" the ninja whined. His eyes brightened. "Wait I _can_ call you both Persia!" He pointed his finger at both the elder and younger Persias. "She's Persia hot, and you're Persia tot. How's that!" Naruto rubbed his nose, feeling quite clever at his play on words.

"Who're you calling tot?!" Juliet blinked. "S-Stop calling my mother hot!" She turned to her mother with a worried frown. "M-Mother, I apologize for this buffoon's tomfoolery." Persia hot had a finger pressed to her lips as she sat giggling with colored cheeks. Persia tot's brow creased with confusion. "Mother?"

The woman gave the whiskered blond an elegant smile. "My, aren't you quite the charmer." She leaned on the table with her arms. "You can call me anything you want," she put her hand on Naruto's cheek and grinned sharply, " _kitty cat._ "

Juliet's eyes widened with horror and her jaw fell open in a silent scream.

Meanwhile, Naruto's eyes widened with terror, lines of tension spread across his face as his skin twitched. Whether with anticipation or dread was up to debate.

He began with a gulp, "u-um, l-listen Persia's mom-"

"Call me Ragdoll," said the woman, smiling at him with amused, half-lidded eyes. The woman turned to Juliet. "See Juliet, how he clammed up?" She glanced at Naruto, tapping a finger on her chin with a contemplative look. "Why ever could it be?"

"…how did you recognize me? We never met before," said Naruto, his body tense. He glanced at Juliet, whose hands had gone limp. "You didn't send her a pic did you?"

Juliet shook her head, still looking uncomfortable.

Ragdoll chuckled. "You can thank Princess Chartreux for that." She dug for her phone in her purse, swiped at the screen and tossed it to Juliet. A video played on the phone, starring two blonds and an arena of beasts. "Straight from Westia Productions' home entertainment, 'The blonds and the beasts.'" Ragdoll twisted some hair around her finger. "The Queen shut down the distribution but the Princess was kind enough to send me a copy." The woman chuckled, "now I see why."

Juliet and Naruto huddled before the phone in the girl's hands and watched the video play.

Naruto paled as he saw himself starring in the recording, trapped between a herd of women, who passed him around while petting and cooing at him. "T-The _hell._ " The Uzumaki on the screen had not a hint of regret as he purred in content and shivered with delight. "T-This is fake! That's not me!" he said to Juliet, as she gave him a flat look. "H-Hey just ask Scott! He'll vouch for me!" he said, wincing as the girl glared at him.

_"Lady Persia, save meee!_ " came Scott's voice from the video, as a horde of women dragged him by his whip tied legs, with the boy lying flat on the ground, trying to dig his fingers into the land in a futile attempt at escape.

Juliet's glare sharpened.

Naruto smacked his head. "Dammit, Scott. Forgot you were there," he muttered under his breath.

Ragdoll chuckled, observing their dynamics with some fun. "Do you see where I'm going with this, Juliet?" She let go of Naruto, making him breath a sigh of relief.

Juliet's eyes drank in the meekness of the digital version of the whiskered blond. The docility. The obedience. She smirked, and turned to the analog version of him, and felt overwhelmed by a desire to reconcile both those versions. She chuckled. Didn't he look an absolute darling on the screen.

"W-Why are you looking at me like that?" said Naruto, giving her a wary look. He tried to inch away but Juliet's hand settled on his shoulder with a steel grip. "P-Persia you're scaring me," he said as cold fear began stabbing him.

"Mother," began Juliet, holding Naruto's gaze with a smirk, "would you excuse my shameless indulgence if it's used for a good cause?" She raised her hand and brought it close to the whiskered blond's cheek, not quite touching it yet. She wiggled her fingers, smiling broadly when the ninja shrieked and shied away from her, trying to bury himself in the seat.

Ragdoll shrugged, "with great power comes great responsibility. Is this power worth it?"

Naruto frowned, "that is _not_ how that was meant-"

Juliet nodded resolutely, ignoring the ninja's complaints. "He's an absolute hellion."

Ragdoll nodded, and gave her the go ahead.

Naruto whimpered as the girl propped a hand behind his head and leaned down with a devilish smile. "C-Come on Persia, don't do this. D-Don't you know absolute power corrupts?"

Juliet giggled and palmed his cheek, "Oh Naruto, your antics have long since corrupted me." Her fingers assaulted his cheek with delicate strokes, freezing up the ninja. "Because apparently I thrust swords in you and blo-… that other thing. What's a little friendly petting compared to that?"

"Prrr~"

Naruto happily growled in agreement, being reduced to a puddle of goo under her fingers. "Y-Yes, Lady Persia." He kicked his feet onto the seat and lay his head proper on her lap. The girl snickered and began caressing both his cheeks, varying the rhythm. Making him shiver when she went fast and growl with discontent when she paused in between.

Ragdoll frowned, sipping her coffee and observing the scene. "Are you _sure_ he's not your boyfriend?"

Stopping her ministrations, Juliet poked Naruto's cheek. "Naruto, tell my mother you're not my boyfriend."

"I-I'm not her boyfriend, Ragdoll," said the Uzumaki with a euphoric smile, eyes crinkled in content, lost to the pleasures of being a happy cat.

Juliet smiled with pride, " _good boy_." She resumed gliding her fingers over him, "who's a good boy? who's a good boy?"

"Prrr~ Me!" Naruto beamed up at her, making the girl giggle.

Inside the ninja's guts, observing the scene with disgust, Kurama rumbled with anger. Wondering if he should just end the blond's torment. The beast looked away and buried his head under his paws. Maybe this was what secondhand embarrassment felt like.

Right as he recalled his chakra, he caught a whiff of the blond's emotions and stopped.

He scoffed to himself and lay back down for a nap.

Who was he to deny his container making a fool of himself?

Especially when the last time his insides were this giddy was before that accursed mother of his.

Kurama scowled.

He was going soft.

_"You're adorable when you try act manly. You're just a softie inside aren't you?"_

Kurama began banging his head to the ground.

Hopefully he'd either knock himself out or forgot he ever heard that.

He did _not_ want to remember her again.

_"Hehehe. We'll be together forever. Won't we, Kurama-kun?"_

Kurama barked a laugh.

What sweet, sweet lies.

* * *

_Engineering lab, Dahlia Academy_

Teria looked at the contraptions on the floor and frowned.

Well calling them contraptions was stretching it, especially considering what Uzumaki-kun had told her.

_"We're gonna bullshit! We're gonna bullshit and people are gonna like it!"_

Given their shortage of time they could only plan for two extra events for the festival. She didn't know how they were gonna convince the academy to allow these events.

She started loading the long planks which looked like skateboards without wheels, on which the blond had painted strange symbols. Symbols which she was planning on grilling the blond on later. She pouted. He was holding out on her.

The equipment for the first event loaded, she started on the second.

A bunch of headsets with visors over the eyes, loaded with the twigs from the lakeside tree. That was it. It was just some plastic. No electronics, no wiring. Nothing.

Just more symbols drawn on the insides.

While they'd tested the planks, she had no idea what this was gonna do. Curiosity burned inside her, especially given how pumped the blond looked.

_"Don't worry about it, I'll take care of this one. I want to surprise you! You're gonna love it!"_

He'd given her a beaming smile and ruffled her head. She pouted and straightened her hair out again. He was treating her like a kid.

She hmmph'd and finished loading the headsets, and set out to ask someone to help her haul them to the sports arena.

_"Oh and gimme all the manga, games and movies you got! Why? Hmm, hehe, I just want stuff on hand when I get bored."_

Teria made a note to ask for some of her stuff back. She'd given them away in the heat of the moment and then became depressed when she wanted to read her favorite manga and couldn't find it.

She crossed her hands as she searched for any free Black Dogs. She puffed her cheeks as she thought of the whiskered blond.

His surprise better be good, or she was gonna make him buy her the next issue of her favorite comic-book.

Spotting some Black Dogs squatting around before the entrance, she meekly asked them if they'd help her out.

Together they hauled the goods to the arena, right as the opening ceremony took off.

* * *

_Sports arena, Dahlia Academy_

A big oblong arena, with the ceiling open to air of Dahlia island, and with many rows of seats for the spectators on the stands, the Dahlia Academy Sports arena enjoyed maximum capacity as the parents all filled the seats with their bums.

A few more minutes left before the start of the opening speech, the students milled about on the arena ground, chit-chatting, making some final adjustments to the track and field courses, or just plain glaring and intimidating the other team.

On one side were the White Cats, decked in white sports shirts and pumping themselves up for the upcoming showdown. And on the other side were the Black Dogs, wearing black sports shirts and practicing their victory chant.

Princess Char approached Scott with an angelic smile, "Scott, if you mess up today…" she turned away and peeked at him with a blush, "let's shave your head bald, okay?" she said, holding an electric razor in her hand.

Scott blinked with disbelief. He almost fell over himself to beg for her mercy before he recalled his roommate's advice. So with a gulp, he smoothed his face, stepped closer to the Princess and held her razor holding hand gently, bringing it to his chest. He whispered with a debonair smile, "of course, my Princess." The girl blinked with surprise. "To be in close quarters with your majesty and feel your graceful hands upon my sinful body, hmm," his smile broadened, "why, that is the greatest reward I can imagine."

"W-What?" Princess Char shook her head in disbelief, her fake blush actualizing. She snatched her hand away from the bespectacled boy, the tingling in her palms stopping almost immediately. Her gaze sharpened as she glared at the boy.

But Scott didn't let her catch her bearings. He immediately stepped closer, forcing her to lean back. He cupped her chin with his fingers, and prayed to the gods to make his roommate suffer the same consequences he would in case this backfired. He said with a smile, "you know, despite the horrors you inflict upon me, it gives me a great amount of pleasure knowing I can make you smile." He chuckled and hoped it didn't sound like a whimper, "for one smile of yours is worth a thousand tears."

Princess Char's eyes were wide as saucers, and her face a rosy pink. "A-Are you mad?" she whispered, looking at his intense eyes and feeling a warmth she didn't expect to feel. "C-Cease this," she said as she caught his collar and weakly tried to push him away.

"Yes, Scott." said another voice, dripping with disapproval. "Cease this at once."

"What? Are you kidding?" said a fourth voice, abundant with approval. "Go for the kill! Knock her senseless!"

Princess Char and Scott turned to the side to see two blonds, one frowning and the other grinning. Persia and Naruto, observed the scene, each reflecting emotions on the opposite end of the spectrum.

"Scott," said Persia, with a glare, drawing out his name in warning.

"Y-Yes, Lady Persia," said Scott with panicked eyes, he immediately let go of the Princess and stepped away. Briskly waking over to his roommate and hiding from Persia's view. He didn't notice the confused disappointment in the Princess' eyes as she frowned at his retreating back.

Naruto groaned and poked Persia's head with a pout. "You're a party pooper. You gotta loosen up or you'll get wrinkles, grandma."

Persia smirked at him and merely raised her hands and wiggled her fingers.

Naruto shrieked and hid behind Scott. Poking his head out from behind the confused boy, he gulped and said with a boot-licking smile, "I-I mean, hot damn, Persia. In a world of disorder and chaos, you're our only light of harmony. Where would we be without you? Hehe, please don't pet me."

The White Cats leader laughed and grinned with incredible satisfaction.

Princess Char gave her an impressed smile, "house training's going well I see." She saw the Uzumaki glare at her and chuckled. "Do train him to perform tricks, won't you?"

Naruto grumbled. "I'll show you a trick you stinkin, no-good,-"

The microphone of the arena screeched, and a voice said through the loud speakers.

"Students, assemble in your respective lines. The opening ceremony's about to start."

After that, Persia clapped her hands and raised her voice to the rest of her Cats.

"Assemble, White Cats!" She punched a fist in the air as she marched to the stage on the ground. "To victory!"

The Cats followed her. Roaring out.

"Victory!"

Naruto chuckled, muttering to himself as he plodded along with them.

"We'll see about that… Hehehe."

There would _be_ no victory for Cats or Dogs by the end of the day. He smirked, feeling like a grand strategist as he listened to the White Cats dorm mistress and the Black Dogs dorm master squabble on the stage in midst of their speeches.

Everything was in place.

The hook.

He had a load of cash.

The line.

He had two events planned.

The sinker.

Naruto scratched his cheek.

Hmm…

He was still working on that.

The net effect of his scheme would be to force the Cats and Dogs to play as one team.

He was gonna strip their identity.

But who'd he pit them against?

Crossdressman?

Naruto frowned. That wouldn't be fair. A hero had to encourage people, not crush their spirits.

Kurama?

_"Let me at 'em! I'll teach them a thing or two!"_

He immediately trashed that idea, feeling the raring to go smugness from his guts. Professor Kurama could shine another day.

He sighed as the speeches concluded and he shuffled along with his dorm-mates to their dugout.

"Give it your all, Naruto." A fist punched his shoulder in encouragement. He turned and saw Persia smirking at him. "You don't need me to stroke your flames do you?"

Naruto pouted at her. "You're mean."

The girl giggled, covering her mouth.

Naruto watched her as she laughed, and cracked a small grin of his own.

He just hoped she'd still be smiling by the end of the day.

* * *

_Ninja meets sports_

Naruto looked at his fellow students with surprise.

The hell were they doing?

Throwing nails on the running tracks during the races.

Propping dirty pictures of shapely women on the bar of the pole vault. Making it a double pole vault.

The Princess breezing through the 200 meter sprint while sipping tea and being carried on a throne by some poor Cats.

"You're amazing, Char!" Persia beamed at her.

Naruto smacked his face. What the hell?

"Hiya!" Scott yelled as he rode on a horse into the hurdle jumps, clearing each hurdle with ease, to the explosive applause of the audience.

Okay, now that was just pushing it.

"Fly, Inuzuka junior!" said Hasuki as she ran forward and threw a javelin into the air. Cans of sodas tied to the end. The girl grinned and pulled the thread she was holding, popping the cans open and shooting the javelin higher and leaving a beautiful trail of soda after it.

The audience wowed and clapped at the aesthetic beauty of it.

Naruto gave the girl a flat look.

She gave him an embarrassed grin and turned away, walking back to her dugout with a cheer and high-fiving her dorm-mates.

The ninja shook his head, surely _someone's_ playing by the rules? He looked over at the jumping events.

A short haired Black Dog with a lock earring soared as he jumped into the air. "Can you see me, Julio!" he said as he flew up, spreading his hands wide with a smile as he searched the crowd from his higher vantage point.

Naruto gave the soles of the boy's shoes a dirty look. The hell were springs doing attached to them?!

He walked away from the blatant cheating with a sniff. These guys were gonna make him cry! It was so blatant!

He searched for Inuzuka, hoping to find _some_ honesty in this sea of schemes.

"Koochi koochi koo!" said Inuzuka, tickling his opponents as they ran the marathon. "You can't escape the tickler!" His fellow runners laughed to exhaustion and collapsed as the Black Dogs leader roared with laughter and latched onto each of them one by one.

Naruto threw his orange headband on the ground with a scowl. Giving it his all his ass! Persia just told him to cheat! He looked where she was.

Standing in area designated for the hammer throw, he saw her puffing her cheeks. Holding the hammer's handle with her legs apart, and grunting as she tried to swing it. Trying in vain to get enough lift to hurl it into the air as the ball only hovered a few inches off the ground despite her efforts. Noticing his eyes on her, she gave him an abashed smile, poking her tongue out and tilting her head as she panted.

Naruto whipped his head away with his cheeks flaming. His tiny leader couldn't be this cute!

He bonked himself on the head. How dare he think she was involved in a school-wide conspiracy!

"What are you doing staring off into space?" said a voice from his side. Naruto turned and saw Aby and Somali, with the boy giving him a superior smirk and the girl hanging off Aby's back and smiling at the blond. "The tug of war is starting, come on," said Aby, as he beckoned Naruto and took off.

Naruto followed them absentmindedly, listening to Somali chat with half an ear as he grumbled to himself. _He_ was supposed to be the ninja! He couldn't let these whippersnappers outdo him!

The White Cats lined up as they picked up the long rope, with them on one end, the Black Dogs on the other, and a line drawn on the ground in between to denote the halfway mark.

Naruto saw Scott standing together with Aby near the middle of their line as they held the rope and talked among themselves.

Scott and Aby began expounding upon the might of the White Cats and how they'd never lose to a pack of Dogs. And facing them with a scowl at the other end of the rope, Inuzuka told them to win before blowing hot air.

Paying them no mind, Naruto held the rope with a lose grip as he stood before Somali in the lineup. His eyes calculating.

Now how could one cheat at tug of war?

He didn't really need to _cheat_ per say, 'cause he could easily win with this with brute strength alone.

He smirked. No, cheating wasn't what he wanted. He gazed at his fellow students. He needed to make them _feel_ cheated. He hmmph'd with a scowl. As cheated as they made him feel! Because this was _not_ the sunny school experience he'd signed up for!

"Go!" yelled the referee, and both teams grunted with effort, the rope snapping taut as they pulled with all their might.

The White Cats immediately fell flat on the ground, hurled forward by the other team's pull. The Dogs gained ground, tugging the Cats who lay prone on the ground as they tried to pull back in futility. Inuzuka snorted at how easy it was gonna be.

"You underestimate us, Dogs," said Aby, still sparkling with confidence despite his face being dirtied by the ground. "For you forgot about our rear guard!" Aby yelled out, "Somali, pull!"

Smiling with a focused stare, Somali dug her feet into the ground and jerked back the rope with her all strength. Immediately stopping the Dogs in their tracks.

"Y-You gotta be kidding me," Inuzuka grunted at the sudden increase in their opponent's strength, his muscles clenched as he and the Dogs tried to hold ground.

"Hah! One Somali equals the entirety of your dorm!" Aby praised with abandon, Somali's eyes sparkled at the words. "Keep it up, Somali! You're amazing!" The girl's heart swelled with happiness as she squealed with delight.

"Yay! Aby praised me!" She let go of the rope and jumped with joy, cupping her cheeks and laughing.

"N-No you idiot, don't let go!" said Aby with wide eyes. The Black Dogs found their second wind and grinned at them like demons.

With a mighty yell they pulled-

"Hahaha, you guys forgot about me?"

The Dogs didn't gain an inch. A smirking Uzumaki waved at their surprised faces, holding the rope with a single hand. He turned back to Somali and scratched her hair with a grin, "thanks, Somali! You're the best! Gave me enough time for an idea!"

Somali smiled with euphoria, "hehehe, Kitty praised me too!" She covered her face with her palms and giggled.

Scott laughed as the White Cats gained ground, "good job, Naruto!" Right after that they lost some ground. "H-Hey, what happened!" They gained ground again. "That's it! Come on!" They took one step back and two steps forward. "The heck?!"

The bespectacled boy turned back and groaned at the mischief he saw on his roommate's face. "Not now of all times," he muttered with a sigh. "What in the blazes are you doing?" he asked him.

"Ahh! Oh no!" Naruto yelled dramatically, with a hand on his forehead and looking in the distance. "My strength! It's failing me!" He turned to his dorm-mates with a downtrodden face. "If only there was _something_ to motivate me." He smirked at them, "maybe like, I don't know, free treats to ramen?"

'Oh you utter bastard,' thought the White Cats their eyes twitching.

Aby yelled, "Somali! Snap out of it! Don't let this glutton empty our pockets!" He shivered as he remembered the ramen quest. He gulped, trying to hold the puke in as he recalled how the blond had devoured bowl after bowl of noodles.

Hearing Aby's voice, Somali blinked and reacquainted herself with reality, her cheeks puffing up with determination, she grabbed the rope and-

"There's a girl who I know,

Who's as pretty as falling snow,

She's so happy and so jolly,

Her name is Somali."

Somali blushed as Naruto recited his verse, winking at her. "S-Shut up, Kitty," she said turning away with a pout and crossed hands.

Aby stared. He sputtered, "s-shut up, Naruto!"

Naruto smirked, he eyed Somali and then looked at Aby. He smirked some more. "Come on, Aby. You can't let that stand can you?" Naruto gave him an understanding smile. "But it's alright, I get that you're scared of facing this humble wordsmith." He puffed up his chest, "more chicks for me!" He put his hand on his hip roared with cocky laughter.

Aby shook with rage and gritted his teeth as he glared at the whiskered blond. He glanced at Somali, observing her peeking shyly at the blond and his blood boiled in protest, his heart quickened, yelling at him to fix matters at once.

Aby opened his mouth-

"Your smile, breathtaking,

Your strength, backbreaking,

My joy by your side, infinite,

My happiness by your side, most definite."

Naruto and the White Cats frowned and gave their feedback.

"Huh, kinda stiff."

"Yeah, put some rhyme into it!"

"Loosen up! Express your feelings!"

The Black Dogs wondered when they'd entered a poetry recital. Inuzuka pulled the rope with all his strength but it wouldn't budge.

Aby stared at Somali, but the girl refused to meet his gaze. His heart sank. Taking the Cats' words into consideration, and abandoning all pretense at poise, he let out-

"Somali is the best, she's the one for me,

Oh silly stupid sense, why ever can't you see,

She's a dummy and so funny, she's an angel unlike the rest,

I love her all the more, despite her lacking… chest?"

Aby paled. "Oh shit," he gulped. "I-I didn't mean that!" He blinked big eyes as the girl whirled her head at him.

Red as a rose, Somali's face glowed as she glared at Aby with her hands quivering by her sides. Her lips trembled as they stared at each other. "A-Aby," she whispered, her gaze softening, looking at the boy with an emotion he couldn't place but which took his breath away. Then the glare returned full force. She yelled with embarrassed indignation, "Aby, you idiot!" She scowled at him with a flushed face and stomped away from the rope, and headed towards the White Cats' dugout.

The red headed boy looked on with a stupid face as she walked away. He creaked his head to a grinning Uzumaki. "You… you planned this," he said with anger and irritated admiration.

Naruto snickered. "Couldn't have done it better myself, Aby." He grinned, "now then, going for 10 bowls of ramen! 10 bowls anyone! My hand's slipping, I better hear something soon!"

Scott spat, "fine! 10 bowls!"

Naruto gasped with excitement. "Ooh! What's this? The energy! It's flowing through me!"

The Black Dogs grunted with effort as their muscles screamed in protest. The force tugging at them monstrous. The ground slipped under their feet as the Cats pulled them inch by inch.

Inuzuka blurted out. "20 bowls!"

"What?!" The Cats and Dogs yelled in surprise.

"The hell are you doing?!" The Dogs demanded their leader.

"Do you want to win this or not?!" said Inuzuka, whipping his head at them with a determined scowl. "Or is your pride too big to use an opportunity?"

The Dogs scowled and nodded. "20 bowls, Uzumaki!" yelled another Black Dog.

Scott glared at Naruto, who looked surprised at first but then looked like a kid in a candy store. "Don't you dare, Naruto," he said. Naruto grinned and began snickering. "Don't you freaking _dare_ , Naruto."

Weakening his pull on the rope, Naruto said, "20 bowls, going once!" The White Cats started slipping again. "20 bowls, going twice!"

"Good lord, Naruto!" Scott groaned. "30 bowls!" he yelled.

The Black Dogs slipped.

Inuzuka yelled. "Screw it, 40 bowls!"

The White Cats jerked forward.

Scott sobbed. "M-My money, 50… 50 bowls!"

The Black Dogs yelped as they flew forward.

Inuzuka roared. "100 bowls!"

The White Cats hissed at the lost ground.

Persia stood beside Naruto with smile, having made her way to him from the dugout. She sweetly asked the boy, "Naruto, what are you doing?"

Naruto turned his overjoyed face to her, his mind already dreaming a pool of ramen where he swum, where he imagined himself meditating under a waterfall of broth and noodles.

"Oh dear," said Persia, her hand covered her mouth in pretend shock, "having trouble? Would you like me to-," she slipped closer to the blond and brought his face down with her hands, encasing his cheeks in her palms, and she said with a deadly grin, " _motivate_ you?" Her face inches apart from his.

Naruto tensed and his eyes widened.

His shoulders dropped.

Inuzuka's eyes popped out in shock.

His jaw dropped.

Scott panted with exhaustion and relief at his leader's intervention.

He just dropped.

"Uzumaki!" Inuzuka yelled, his anger screaming at him tackle the ninja and massage his throat. He panted like an angry steam engine.

Persia turned to the Black Dog and tutted at him. "Compose yourself." She said like an irate librarian.

Inuzuka clammed up at once, nodding meekly. He then hyped his fellows Dogs to take advantage of the Cats' distraction.

"Somebody's whipped," said Naruto, under his breath.

Persia resumed smiling at Naruto, "now then, won't you win this for me, Naruto?" She glared, "you don't need _bribes_ do you?"

Naruto pouted at her, "but _Persia_. 100 bowls! 100 bowls, Persia! That's like, ramen paradise!"

"I'll show you cat paradise if you keep fooling around," she said.

Naruto cried. He turned to the audience and said with a panicked face, "Ragdoll! Persia is bullying me!"

"Don't bring my mother into this!"

"Oh fine!" Naruto sniffed, and glared at her. "You take my ramen and see what happens!" He gripped the rope and tugged it hard, and all the Black Dogs flew into the air with surprised yells as they soared and landed clearly on the White Cats side. The referee blew the whistle and declared the White Cats the victor. Naruto pouted at Persia. "Happy?"

Persia smiled apologetically and pinched his cheek. "Don't make that face. I'll cook you as many bowls of ramen as you want."

Naruto's face brightened and he nodded.

As the White Cats leader patted his shoulder for a job well done and left, Naruto heard an amused snort from the ground. He glanced down and saw a snickering Inuzuka, who'd fallen beside the whiskered blond.

"Enjoy your 100 bowls, Uzumaki." The Black Dog said, as he got up to his feet and dusted himself. "Thanks for sacrificing yourself. I'll enjoy the results of your hard work." He said in soft tones to the ninja as he grinned at him.

"Huh? What'cha mean?" the blond frowned at him.

Inuzuka grinned with glee as he informed him, "that girl hasn't cooked a day in her life!" Naruto's jaw dropped. "You just volunteered to be her victim! Bwhahaha!" Laughing uproariously the Black Dogs leader patted the Uzumaki's shoulder in thanks and took off.

Listlessly, Naruto trudged back to his dugout and sat down on a chair with a despondent face. Desperately hoping that Inuzuka was just messing with him.

His ears picked up Persia whispering something to the Princess.

"Um, Char. What's the difference between plain noodles and ramen? Aren't they the same thing?"

Naruto covered his face with his hands and groaned with anguish. Oh Sage. The sacrilege.

He sobbed to himself.

"I… I feel _cheated_ … Goddamn it!" He punched his knee. " _I'm_ supposed to be the ninja!"

Drinking water from a bottle, Scott eyed the whiskered blond and rolled his eyes. Sighing happily after he finished drinking, he said, "oh cool off. The girls' cheer-leading event is up next." Scott grinned as perversion invaded his mind. "Lady Persia will grace us with her elegance."

Naruto stood up with a determined face.

"Right!" He grabbed Scott's hand. "Let's go!"

Scott stumbled as the whiskered blond pulled him along. "H-Hey! W-Where're we going!"

Naruto cackled.

"Vengeance will be mine!" He blinked, and then muttered. "Shit, I sound like the bastard."

Scott sputtered as he was dragged along. "O-Okay, but where're we going!"

"Ladies locker room!"

"…I like the way you think."

Scott smiled with approval.

* * *

**Author's note: Chapter was getting too big, so decided to end it here and call it part 1.**

**I'd love to know your thoughts on the chapter! :)**

**Stay safe and have a great day.**


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